Tony Smith is a Logistics Officer in the U.S. Army and a West Point graduate with a strong commitment to mental health advocacy. As the host of the Man Down Podcast, he empowers men to embrace vulnerability and challenge toxic masculinity while fostering open conversations about mental health awareness.
Wow. Life is strange. About seven to eight months ago, I was fighting for my life at Baylor Scott & White Temple Hospital.
It was June 14th, 2024, a hot summer day in the great state of Texas. My soldiers and I had to go on a Battalion Run to welcome our new Battalion Commander. Initially, I told myself that I was not going to run because I had surgery in April due to an infection in my left shoulder. That was actually surgery number 6, but that’s a conversation for another day.
I consider myself a pretty in shape/fit (stubborn) individual, so even with my surgery just a couple months prior, I convinced myself that I would be perfectly fine, right? The obvious answer to the question was “absolutely not.” Moments later, I found myself in the back of an ambulance hyperventilating with a resting heart rate of 165 bpm.
Simply put, I lost it; I snapped. I saw myself shirtless, walking into incoming traffic on base, feeling like I was losing my entire mind. Some would describe this as a “manic episode,” but what I realized once I made it to the emergency room is that I was not just going crazy; I was undergoing a medical emergency.
What does it mean to heal your inner child? What is your inner child?
The inner child represents both the joyful, free-spirited aspects of ourselves and the wounds from past traumas and conditioning. Addressing, resolving, and nurturing this inner child is essential for healing and personal growth, allowing us to reconnect with our needs for safety, belonging, and self-expression.
Hi, I’m Tony J. Smith. I was born in Houston and raised in Katy, Texas, to wonderful parents who worked very hard to ensure that I was provided with everything I needed to have a successful life. It was just me and my big sister, who is three years older than me. We never had to question when our next meal would be or what summer camp we would be attending because our parents worked vigilantly, day in and day out. Living in Katy, TX, also provided the opportunity for my sister and I to have world-class education and athletic opportunities through competing with some of the best athletes across the nation.
I am sharing this perspective to communicate how grateful and blessed I was to have two parents who invested in my life on a consistent basis. Although things may have seemed like they were perfect on the outside, there were many internal battles going on behind closed doors. For example, I was a Black child in the suburbs of Katy, TX. Constantly berated with micro-aggressions and comments such as:
“Hey, Tony, we like you. You’re not like everyone else.”
Or
“Hey, Tony, you should take a picture with this confederate flag.”
Or
“Hey, Tony, you see that big tree in the back? That’s where we used to hang them back in the day.”
I was labeled too black for the white people but too white for the black people. I struggled to fit in with the cliques and groups throughout middle and high school and was bullied in my earlier childhood. I was the “king” of being friend-zoned and was often told that I was “so nice and so sweet” but could never attain a relationship. This created so much mental chaos and confusion for me, feeling so alone in a community that gave me so much support and love. How does that make sense?
Since my parents were always working, and my sister was a really competitive athlete, I was left to my own vices. As a result, I began viewing pornography at a very young age. I began consuming alcohol frequently and constantly sought validation from anyone or anything that would make me feel heard, seen, and loved. This sense of abandonment took an emotional toll on me and brought me into a mental spiral at a very young age.
I never fully understood the impact that the trauma from my childhood could have on my relationships and career as an adult. Let me be the first, and probably not the last, to tell you that it sure does make a major impact. Because of this, I lost some of the most loving, impactful people in my life. I’ve lost the best of friends, and I nearly lost my life on multiple occasions. I did not recognize that there was an issue, I was so ignorant to the core of my problems, which crippled me to the extent that I was not able to properly release the trauma or doubts within my mind. Furthermore, I could not rise above the toxicity, the regret, the disappointments, or the avoidant/anxious attachment lifestyle.
However, I have great news for all of us.
Healing is possible
We are not defined by our past mistakes. We are not defined by our childhood traumas; we create the life we have, and we can heal from our past, but we must do the work. Whether that be seeking professional help from a therapist, social worker, or seeking guidance from a counselor or religious leader. Even if you’re not spiritual or religious, seek advice from a friend, partner, or mentor. We need people to heal, and we all need social support. We cannot and will not heal on our own. Human connection is human nature, and we all need it to survive.
Healing from trauma, especially from childhood experiences, is a profound journey, and recognizing the need for support is an essential step in that process. Acknowledging and nurturing the inner child part of ourselves can indeed help in addressing past wounds and fostering personal growth. By seeking professional help or leaning on a supportive community, individuals can work towards healing and reclaiming their joy, safety, and self-expression.
Read more from Tony J. Smith
Tony J. Smith, Mental Health Advocate | Motivational Speaker
Tony Smith is a dedicated Logistics Officer in the United States Army, currently serving with the Soldier Recovery Unit at Fort Cavazos, TX. A proud graduate of West Point and 2019 Class President, Tony has held various leadership roles, including Rugby Team Captain, Fuel and Water Platoon Leader, and Battalion S4. As a passionate Mental Health Advocate, he hosts the Man Down Podcast, where he encourages men to embrace vulnerability and break free from toxic masculinity. Through his work, Tony aims to spread awareness and foster open conversations about mental health. Join him on this journey toward healing and growth.
Reference:
