Gemma Sanda is an accomplished Health and Wellness Coach based in the UK. She is the founder of a 90-day signature program called The Vibrant Life Project. In addition to this, she hosts The Complex Health Coach Podcast and provides an online private accountability community for her clients.
Embarking on a healing journey requires introspection and a secure environment to seek validation and support, which may not always be available in online communities.
The article will delve into the authentic essence of healing, emphasising its intricate and unpredictable characteristics. Courage and patience play crucial roles in the healing journey. Although we might first see ourselves as victims, dwelling in this perception for too long can distort our perspective, causing us to project our pain and hinder our progress.
The comforting embrace of the victim's hoodie.
I found myself in this situation without realising it. When enduring prolonged pain, we may unknowingly adopt a self-centred identity. This coping mechanism is common in response to trauma and abuse. While seeking solace in healing communities can be comforting initially, it becomes risky if they fail to reflect reality back to us.
Pointing out when someone is stuck in a victim mindset cycle can be an act of genuine care and support.
At times, when we are new to the healing journey and have been deeply involved in healing communities for a while, the validation we receive initially can feel like a liberating high, boosting our morale. Being validated is crucial, and that's why I gravitated towards these communities when I was first emerging from the haze of narcissistic abuse, but there is a real danger of getting stuck. And it's like the cycle of abuse.
I've observed instances where self-proclaimed healers exhibit aggressive behaviour when challenged by other community members and engaging with them over the long term may not lead to genuine healing outcomes.
I have been on a healing path for more than ten years. Initially, I identified with individuals who were victims, as I found solace in attributing reasons to my pain and struggles, which began to provide clarity. I immersed myself in reading numerous books on various forms of abuse, comprehending the events logically. However, despite this understanding, the pain persisted, signifying just one stage in my journey. I still had a long way to go, but I was unaware, trapped in the confines of my suffering.
The communities raised awareness, but I required additional information to take the next step into true healing.
I immersed myself in reading quotes and books, delving into various communities focused on narcissistic abuse. I absorbed all the information available about these perceived demons. However, the familiar emptiness, sorrow, confusion, and the new addiction of seeking more information persisted. I craved more validation to reassure myself that I wasn't losing my mind.
Many individuals can find themselves trapped in this cycle for extended periods, even spanning decades. If it weren't for my cousin's gentle teaching about a victim mindset, I wouldn't be where I am today. Another significant person I encountered on my healing journey was a truth-teller, who fearlessly showed me my true reflection, guiding me towards the next phase of healing. Lastly, in my last relationship, I was confronted with a mirror that unveiled my shadows and the impact of my pain. This experience taught me the profound truth that holding onto pain can consume and reflect upon oneself through others we encounter.
Our pain can consume us if we let it and that does not mean we deserve any of it but if we stay on the stepping stones after jumping onto the first one it won't be long before the weight of our pain starts to sink us again.
It's difficult to accept the truth when we're in pain, and it's tempting to see others as unfairly blaming us.
Changing becomes incredibly challenging when our usual methods of ensuring safety no longer work. We often look for solutions, convenience, security, comfort, and perhaps even happiness in the familiar routines we have always relied on.
I didn't want to change myself; instead, I wished that others would change to stop causing difficulties in my life and to stop being who they are. It took me quite a while to come to terms with the fact that I have no control over others. Initially, I dismissed this idea as nonsense and new-age gibberish. I made every excuse possible to avoid examining my perspective and I was often validated within the so-called healing communities.
Until we face the man in the mirror we will forever, and a day be treading water.
This is a harsh reality that takes time a dam good therapist a ton load of self-reflection and then it still does not automatically heal us. Our path to healing isn't a mere stopover, it's a never-ending adventure!
I am Gemma Sanda, and I have created a distinctive program tailored for both men and women, aiming to guide them towards holistic well-being emotionally, spiritually, and physically to support the healing journey. No matter where you are in your journey, this course is crafted to suit your needs. Book a discovery session with me.
Gemma Sanda, Certified Health And Wellness Coach
Gemma Sanda is an inspiring health coach who overcame economic and financial abuse during her younger years. She took charge of her life and became her first client. Gemma qualified as a Yoga teacher, Breath coach, Certified Level 5 Health coach and has a background in cosmetology. Today, she empowers her clients through her signature program called The Vibrant Life Program, which is offered in private group settings, online self-paced courses and 1.1 sessions. She also runs an online private accountability community that supports her clients at every step of their journey to whole health. Her story is a powerful reminder that with determination and hard work, we can overcome any obstacle.
