Veronica is a Holistic Trauma Specialist. She is a qualified BodyTalk Practitioner and qualified TRE Provider and utilises quantum field talk therapy to help her clients address and understand trauma and how it manifests in their body (physically, mentally, and emotionally).
Most people see healing as a staircase. Small steps and you move forward in a direct, straight line. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, this unrealistic view can be very disheartening to some people. It can result in feelings of helplessness, sadness, and futility. Healing is never linear; it is layered and cyclical. And with good reason.
Why is healing layered?
Let’s start with an understanding of why healing is layered.
1. Over time, more memories and feelings become conscious
Once you start delving into your healing journey, you realize the layered nature of how your experiences shaped you in a layered manner. You realize the layered nature of your responses, your reactions, your feelings, and your triggers.
You remember things that your mind had long forgotten. As these memories resurface, you are faced with a new reality, and with that often comes another thing to understand and work through. This may seem like you have been “thrown off” as your perception was that things would get easier and easier. This is not always the immediate case. Things get easier over time. As your nervous system feels safer, you feel stronger and more competent in your ability to handle situations.
2. Self-awareness grows
As you move through your present understanding of yourself, you start to see aspects of yourself that you not have been aware of before or may not have wanted to face before. Part of healing is taking responsibility for yourself and potentially seeing your own role in harmful situations (if applicable). It may be in your association with the wrong crowd, dangerous tendencies, or even just the fear of being separated from your (perceived) security. You see the light and dark in yourself. This is called shadow work. A term so often confused, but what it means is that the aspects of yourself that have been hidden away require your sight. This will result in a better balance between your physical, mental, and emotional bodies. I leave your spiritual body out; that is your true nature, and it is always in balance. Every single person on this planet, every organism that has life, has light as a divine spark that is perfect already. This includes you; you do not need to do or believe in anything or pass any test.
This is your essence.
When you shine light onto dark, you reveal what is there in the shadows (hence the word shadow work). As you release one aspect of yourself that has been holding you back, more will follow, like the butterfly effect. This can also include highlighting other areas that you need to pay attention to. This could be in the form of behaviors, beliefs, judgments, mental patterns, coping mechanisms, etc. For example, serial dating and lack of commitment has developed as a result of an individual does not trust women, he becomes aware of his distrust in women, and works actively to understand how these came to play (no behavior is random), and works at rewiring his nervous system and own behaviors as a result of his distrust. He gets into a good relationship. One assumes all is well and that the issue is over. Chapter closed. Distrust in women: problem solved. Easy. The relationship continues and other things come to the surface. The relationship demands vulnerability, genuine understanding, and fearless honesty to work. As an individual who was a serial dater, avoiding all serious relationships (to keep him safe from being hurt), the word vulnerability can cause a wall to rise. Now we have to look at how to overcome an inability to allow oneself to be vulnerable and to be seen. This is a new area of myself that has come to light. Does it mean that he has not healed in some way? Absolutely not. This just means that as he moved through his healing, he gained more awareness. Chances are the individual in this position did a lot of inner work that required much introspection and dedication to his personal growth; he had identified what he needed to change and made the changes within himself. And that is brave.
Why is healing cyclical?
As you start to look at yourself honestly, without all that you have been told to be, you may encounter a large amount of fear. Why? Because they form part of your identity and, as a result, your security. You are faced with a new type of person (you) without the safety net. This perceived safety net can look like:
Cultural norms
Religions affiliation
Class expectations
Family expectations
Attachment to your own self-identity (one may identify with their trauma as something that defines them too, making it quite hard to move on and redefine who they are beyond their trauma)
One may find that the above can be the cause of trauma itself or that these safety nets can rattle as one has changed their perceptions or self. For example, a female individual from a very conservative family and society is expected to marry young and not pursue a career, have a family, and continue what she has been taught (class, education, cultural norms, religion, etc.). This lack of freedom over many decades has, in fact, been a cause of collective trauma all over the globe. The individual in the example above has this drive inside of her to travel the world, not marry (or marry out of her religious/cultural systems), and break away. This can cause her to become exceptionally distressed, as she may be shunned from her family and society. Her choice to live a life of freedom versus a life of security is real to her. Thus, she is faced with a situation where she will be looking at herself, in a raw and brave way, to determine what she wants. She could go back to her present life and force herself to be happy doing what is expected of her. She may even convince herself it is “for the best” (genuinely convince herself where she actually believes this), but her body will not be convinced at all. As you turn against yourself, your body may turn against itself. And this will manifest as dis-ease in the body. Her other choice was to leave and follow what she desired. Yes, she may run the risk of family and spiritual persecution for not following the “right way” as determined by that culture, family, and religion. This would pose a situation for her where her support base may no longer be. We usually see this in cults. When one exits, they are no longer accepted as part of the group and are cut off totally for veering off in a different direction. Let’s assume she follows her own path and pulls herself away. Ideally, she would want to be supported for who she is, her individuality accepted and celebrated, regardless of her personal choices (provided they do not pose a harm to anyone; side note: being offended does not constitute as harm). This would allow her to be free to be herself but still connected and involved in her family and societal setting. Being supported in what makes her happy and whole, and she would remain in a loving environment regardless of who she is as an individual. However, in more controlled environments, this is prohibited. One may not challenge or question. One must obey at all costs; this is considered right and virtuous. This is the first red flag with controlling people, institutions, societies, families, and so forth do not question.
So, off she goes. She feels the trauma of rejection, lack of acceptance, etc. Once we work with and through that feeling, the people, situations, and environment that created that trauma for her, she may assume that it is uphill and linear from here. However, once she has started to accept and heal from the rejection, a new situation may arise where she may meet a new group or support structure and now distrust them or cannot open up to them (based on her previous experience) and thus builds a wall around herself, not allowing people to see the real her and hurt her. So, we are now dealing with the fear of vulnerability and genuine self-expression. This could filter into her social and personal interactions within a new social setting. This may result in her feeling like she has just come through dealing with and coping with rejection around her family and cultural norms. She may feel disheartened that now she has to deal with another aspect.
So, it may seem to an individual that things are not moving forward at the time. When, in fact, they are, they are just not linear. They are layered and cyclical. This is an example where we can see clearly how layered healing is.
Just because your progress is not linear does not mean it is not happening. Every movement towards self-awareness, including your behaviors, thoughts, mindset, beliefs, and what formed those, empowers you. Any system or person that strips you of your individual power can be classified as trauma to some degree or another. The definition of trauma, major or minor events, relates to one’s internal response; a very strong internal response is helplessness, and anything that strips you of your individual power renders you helpless. However, as physical scars heal in the right environment, so do trauma scars. And the very awareness of this in itself is empowering. It starts to unfold who you are underneath who you have been told to be or who you have molded yourself to be. And the undressing of this is not linear; it is cyclical and layered.
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Read more from Veronica di Muro Merchak
Veronica di Muro Merchak, Holistic Trauma Specialist
Veronica has a unique approach to trauma as a Holistic Trauma Specialist. She combines her personal experience, academic qualifications, professional experience, and in-depth intuitive understanding of people to help them navigate their individual situations. An important focus of hers is to empower her clients so they understand how trauma was received by their individual bodies and, above all, how it is possible to move forward in an unapologetic and gracefully powerful way.
