Written by: Susanna Wu-Pong Calvert, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Life is hard, especially during this era of pandemic, inflation, and supply chain issues. There are real losses and traumas that can feel devasting emotionally, psychologically, financially, and physically. However, don’t underestimate the cumulative effect of ambiguous loss and grief.
Ambiguous loss refers to when a loved one is gone physically (such as due to travel, immigration, or missing) or mentally (such as with dementia or addiction), resulting in unresolved grief. The term has also been expanded to include losses due to social or political issues and can potentially be used to include the small losses of everyday life.
Though daily losses may fall under our radar, they can accumulate over time. For example, adolescents and marginalized groups experiment with different identities, finally settling on one that ‘works’. To the degree the adopted persona is not in alignment with their authentic self, that could represent a growing loss over time: loss of one’s true self.
Similarly, the existential threats of modern life, including fear of climate change, loss of our democracy, loss of power, a sense of injustice in the world, and an ongoing sense of financial insecurity, can all contribute to cumulative loss and grief.
There are many other ways that we can feel loss, such as loss of trust in a loved one, a setback at work, ongoing health issues, or even the aging process can tip the loss scales even further.
Like the frog in the boiling pot of water, we may not notice until it is too late if the temperature is raised slowly. Increasing our awareness of these stress factors and their cumulative impact on our health and wellbeing is the first step towards taking steps to mitigate their impact.
In short, there’s no shortage of micro and macro insults, injuries, setbacks, and wounds in our lives, individually and collectively. Though the setbacks that rise to the level of clinical trauma are important, we should also heal the ambiguous losses that happen longitudinally throughout our lives.
Approaches to healing are as varied as the injuries themselves. Here are some general strategies to heal ongoing grief and loss.
Therapy – Mental health and wellness are complex issues and which are not necessarily intuitive. We get help with home repairs, finances, and medical issues. It makes sense to do so with mental health too. Proactive investment in one of your most important assets will go a long way towards improving the quality of your life.
Mindfulness – We can’t heal what we don’t acknowledge. Mindfulness, or being in the present moment, allows us to notice what is beneath our mind’s chatter, which tends to perpetuate fear and grief, to recognize our feelings and find our inner voice and truth. It has also been shown to reduce stress, and improve mental and cardiovascular health.
Noticing feelings – Once we acknowledge our feelings, they tend to diminish over time. Repeating this practice helps us to resolve feelings, instead of allowing them to fester. Over time, we feel more peaceful when we manage rather than ignore our feelings.
Listening to inner voice – When being mindful, we can also access our inner wisdom that whispers beneath our mind’s chatter. That inner wisdom can help us regain our sense of authenticity, establish boundaries, and provide a compass for our lives. It can also help us make sense of our traumas and losses and to cultivate the learning, growth, and right action that challenge offers.
Find forgiveness – We are not meant to be perfect, especially in this complex and changing world. Assume good intentions in yourself and others, give the benefit of the doubt, and foster forgiveness. It’s a gift that benefits the giver more than the recipient.
Explore resources – You’re not alone. Use existing resources to find your learning, growth, and healing path. Check out the modules from the Foundation for Family and Community Healing to foster health and healing in yourself, with others, and with/for Earth.
Trauma and loss are a fact of life. While I do not wish either on anyone, we may also choose to find the growth and opportunity in life’s challenges, which are available in abundance right now. Learning to cultivate healing in oneself and others is a great place to start.
Susanna Wu-Pong Calvert, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Susanna Wu-Pong Calvert, MAPP, PhD is a leader, coach, speaker, entrepreneur, educator, and writer who inspires and enables others to make our beautiful future a reality. She is the Founder and Convener for Mission and Vision at The Foundation for Family and Community Healing, a 501(c)3 nonprofit that helps all to develop the skills needed to create healthy, rewarding, and resilient relationships with ourselves, each other, Earth, and the loving force that unites us. She is a blogger for Psychology Today and hosts Finding Our Fit, a radio show on WRWK93.9 FM. Her mission is to help individuals, organizations, and communities to become their highest selves and fulfill their deepest, most authentic purpose – our spark within that creates ripples throughout. Learn more about her at SusannaCalvert.com. Photo credit: Rebecca D'Angelo
