Written by Sabine Bierenstiel, Business & Life Coach
Sabine Bierenstiel, a dynamic Business Coach and Spiritual Healer, synergizes her expertise to guide individuals towards transformative growth and profound self-realization.
Our inner child often holds unresolved wounds from the past, dictating how we navigate friendships, romantic relationships, and careers. Instead of acting as empowered adults, we fall into cycles of fear, manipulation, and dissociation rooted in childhood traumas. This not only limits our growth but leads to emotional and professional stagnation, sometimes grinding life to a halt.
Here’s how inner child dynamics show up in different areas of life:
Friendships: You feel obligated to be the “fixer” or overextend yourself to avoid conflict or rejection.
Partnerships: Fear of abandonment keeps you stuck in unhealthy dynamics, unable to express your needs or set boundaries.
Careers: Inner fears manifest as imposter syndrome, self-sabotage, or staying in unfulfilling roles because of a fear of failure.
When inner child wounds run the show, relationships feel one-sided, opportunities are missed, and burnout becomes inevitable.
1. Overcoming fear and external control: The first core poison
Inner child wounds often center around fear—fear of rejection, failure, or being unworthy of love. This fear drives people-pleasing, avoidance of risk, and over-reliance on others’ approval.
Examples
Friendship: Agreeing to plans you don’t want, just to avoid disappointing a friend.
Partnership: Staying silent in arguments to keep the peace, even if it means neglecting your feelings.
Workplace: Taking on extra tasks out of fear of losing your boss’s favor.
Impact: Over time, living in fear keeps you small, limiting your ability to grow and make decisions aligned with your goals.
Solution
Strengthen your identity: Define your values, priorities, and goals, independent of others’ expectations.
Set boundaries: Start small, like saying no to one minor request, and build up to protecting your time and energy.
Reframe rejection: Understand that rejection doesn’t define your worth; it simply means misalignment.
2. Breaking the bankrupt cycle: Triggers, blocks, and sabotage
Inner child wounds create emotional “bankrupt points,” where fear, shame, or self-doubt prevent progress. This can look like procrastination, self-sabotage, or clinging to toxic environments because stepping out feels too risky.
Examples
Friendship: Overextending yourself until burnout, only to realize the relationship isn’t mutual.
Partnership: Feeling “hooked” to toxic partners because leaving triggers feelings of abandonment or failure.
Workplace: Avoiding promotions or opportunities because fear of failure keeps you stuck in your comfort zone.
Impact: These patterns create roadblocks that prevent forward momentum in all areas of life, leaving you drained, resentful, and stuck.
Solution
Challenge triggers: Identify patterns that keep you stuck, like perfectionism or fear of conflict, and reframe them.
Heal emotional hooks: Address feelings of inadequacy or shame that keep you tethered to toxic dynamics.
Focus on authentic choices: Prioritize decisions that align with your adult goals, even if they feel unfamiliar at first.
3. Healing dissociation and embracing shadow parts: The third core poison
Dissociation occurs when we suppress parts of ourselves—our dreams, emotions, or ambitions—to fit in or avoid rejection. These shadow parts don’t disappear; instead, they manifest as self-sabotage, inner conflict, or even sabotaging others.
Examples
Friendship: Hiding your true opinions or passions to avoid feeling “too different.”
Partnership: Suppressing emotions like anger or sadness because you’ve been taught they make you unlovable.
Workplace: Staying in unfulfilling jobs, convincing yourself it’s “secure,” while feeling increasingly disconnected.
Impact: Suppression leads to a fragmented identity, making it impossible to move forward authentically. Life stalls as self-sabotage undermines your ability to grow or connect with others meaningfully.
Solution
Shadow integration: Identify suppressed traits like ambition or assertiveness. Reflect on how they can serve your current goals.
Heal through connection: Work with a therapist or coach to process emotions and reconnect with your true self.
Act authentically: Take small risks that align with your real desires, like sharing a long-hidden passion or expressing an emotion you’ve buried.
When inner children run our lives
Unhealed inner child wounds cause stagnation in all areas of life. Friendships become exhausting obligations, partnerships feel like emotional traps, and careers hit standstill points. Living in reaction to past wounds prevents us from stepping into empowered adulthood.
Reclaiming your life
Healing your inner child is about recognizing when these patterns arise and stepping in as the empowered adult to make healthier choices. By setting boundaries, challenging emotional triggers, and integrating all parts of yourself, you break free from stagnation and align with your true goals and values.
The journey isn’t easy, but the reward is profound: mutual friendships, supportive partnerships, fulfilling work, and a life lived with clarity and purpose.
Read more from Sabine Bierenstiel
Sabine Bierenstiel, Business & Life Coach
Sabine Bierenstiel blends her knowledge from the realms of business and spirituality, catalyzing transformative experiences in others. With a background in both economics and spiritual practices like Akashic Records and Seashell Healing, Sabine embodies resilience and perseverance. Her mission is to unlock the highest potential within individuals, making it tangible through her coaching and teachings, ultimately guiding them towards profound self-realization.
