Esther Janssen is a certified Tantra massage therapist specialising in healing women's trauma. Her own experiences of emotional abuse during childhood, as well as sexual assaults and rape as an adult, led her to her calling as a healer through the process of overcoming her own traumas.
Relationships shape the tapestry of our lives, weaving through our experiences and influencing how we see ourselves. For many, especially those who have experienced childhood trauma or narcissistic relationships, these connections can become a source of pain rather than joy. If you find yourself caught in repetitive, harmful relationship patterns, please know that there is hope. Tantra massage offers a gentle, nurturing path to healing these deep-seated attachment issues.
Understanding attachment disorders and complex relationship patterns
Attachment disorders often have their roots in our earliest experiences. As children, we may have learned that love comes with many conditions. Perhaps you were never told that you filled your parents with pride or that you were valuable. You might not know the feeling of being held, loved and unconditionally acknowledged. Instead, you may have learned to expect the worst at any moment.
These early experiences create a blueprint for future relationships, often leading to:
An internal struggle in trusting others
Fear of intimacy or abandonment
Codependent behaviours
Attracting or being attracted to narcissistic partners
Difficulties with emotional regulation
These patterns can feel frustratingly persistent, affecting not just romantic relationships but also friendships, work relationships and even our relationships with ourselves. If you recognise these patterns in your life, please know that you’re not alone and healing is possible.
The impact of narcissistic relationships
Narcissistic relationships can further complicate attachment issues. These relationships are often characterised by:
Emotional manipulation
Lack of empathy
Erosion of self-esteem
Gaslighting and reality distortion
The aftermath of such relationships can leave us with deep emotional scars, reinforcing negative beliefs about ourselves and others. You may find yourself feeling increasingly insecure, questioning your abilities more and more. As you struggle to give yourself security and recognition, an emotional dependency can develop.
How tantra massage facilitates healing
Tantra massage offers a unique, gentle approach to healing attachment disorders and breaking free from complex relationship patterns. Here’s how:
Creating a safe space: Tantra massage provides a non-judgemental, safe environment where you can explore touch and connection without fear of rejection or abuse.
Rebuilding trust: Through consistent, respectful touch, tantra massage helps rebuild trust–both in others and in your own body’s wisdom.
Releasing trauma: The body often holds onto past traumas. The gentle, unintentional touch in tantra massage can help release these stored tensions and emotions, providing a feeling of relief.
Redefining touch: For those who have experienced abusive relationships, tantra massage offers a way to redefine touch as healing and nurturing rather than demanding or painful.
Cultivating self-love: By receiving unconditional, loving touch, you begin to internalise a sense of worthiness and self-love.
Enhancing body awareness: Tantra massage also promotes a deeper connection with your body, helping you recognise and honour your boundaries.
The journey of healing
Healing from attachment disorders and breaking free from complex relationship patterns is a journey. It requires patience, self-compassion and, often, professional support. Tantra massage can be a powerful tool in this process, but it’s most effective when combined with other therapeutic approaches.
As someone who has walked this path, I understand the depth of pain these experiences can cause.
As a child, I experienced psychological violence through love deprivation, emotional manipulation and patronising insults. I always had this feeling deep inside of me that told me I was a burden on my mother. My father couldn’t be present for us as children and ended up completely absent from our lives, which meant I was always looking for powerful men in my own life.
Unfortunately, the strength, self-confidence and wonderful feeling of being loved and recognised that those powerful men gave me were just a façade–one that crumbled after a short time. And every time, I found myself back in my childhood, with all the abuse, belittling and manipulation to which I was powerless.
But through tantra massage and other healing modalities, I discovered a path to self-love and healing. Now, I’m honoured to guide others on their healing journeys. Many of my clients have found tantra massage to be a transformative, life-changing experience:
“After years of therapy, tantra massage was the key that unlocked my ability to trust again. It helped me feel safe in my own skin.” – Eva, 38
“I used to lose myself in relationships. Tantra massage taught me how to stay connected to myself while connecting with others.” – Christian, 45
Practical steps for healing
While tantra massage can be a cornerstone in your healing journey, there are additional steps you can take to support your growth:
Mindfulness practises: Try engaging in regular mindfulness or meditation sessions to increase self-awareness and emotional regulation.
Journaling: Write about your relationship patterns, triggers, and healing progress.
Body-mind practises: Explore yoga, qi gong or other practises that connect the body and mind.
Therapy: Consider working with a therapist specialising in attachment disorders or trauma recovery.
Self-care rituals: Develop daily self-care practises that reinforce self-love and boundary setting.
Your path forward
If you’re ready to break free from harmful relationship patterns and heal from past traumas, know that you’re taking a courageous step. As someone who has walked this path and now guides others, I’m here to support you.
Are you ready to begin your healing journey? I invite you to go to my website here, where you can download my free Meditation Guide, which can help you find healing and personal growth. I’ll also let you know when my book is released. At the moment, it’s being reviewed by experts in various fields, such as psychotherapy, trauma therapy, and spirituality. I am still looking for a publisher who can help me release it both nationally and internationally. Or, if perhaps you’re feeling called to explore tantra massage more deeply, I encourage you to learn more about my services.
Remember, you are worthy of love, respect and healthy relationships. Your past does not define your future. With patience, self-compassion and gentle support, you can heal and create the connections you truly desire.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. The information provided herein is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have before undertaking any treatments.
Read more from Esther Janssen
Esther Janssen, Certified Tantric Trauma Healer for Women
Her own experiences of emotional abuse during childhood, as well as sexual assaults and rape as an adult, led her to her calling as a healer through the process of overcoming her own traumas. She has empowered hundreds of women from many countries on their journeys to self-love and healing. Her mission is to guide people through the process of healing women’s collective wounds.
