Written by: Dr. Erika Montgomery, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
“He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” (John 8:7) Why is forgiveness so difficult? When we speak about forgiveness, we often focus on the person who harmed us, betrayed us, abused us, abandoned us, or wronged us in some way. We tend to focus our attention and energy outward to the people, circumstances, and situations that have caused us pain and suffering. We are so focused on what happened to us that we play the narrative of the story or we see the pictures of the story play over and over in our minds fueling emotions of anger, pain, fear, regret, shame, guilt, resentment, sadness, and so on. This toxic pattern brings us right back to the past and the moment of impact digging us deeper into a dark hole oftentimes causing despair.
This replaying of our past experiences and recreating our memories, only serves to keep us stuck in the emotional stronghold of the trauma. This cycle reinforces the pain and suffering that we have already lived through and survived. This cycle of suffering also becomes self-inflicted when we have made a mistake or caused hurt feelings or harm to another. So ask yourself, “When does the pain end if you keep replaying the past in your mind and body? How does this pattern of self-inflicted trauma stop?”
Healing begins with forgiveness of yourself. Forgiving yourself is vital to releasing the emotional, mental, and physical stronghold of the trauma. The key to forgiving yourself is not focusing outward, but bringing all your energy and attention inward to the innermost place in your heart’s center. Your heart's center is the soul's healing place. Pouring love, compassion, understanding, grace, mercy, and forgiveness for yourself into his space is the most transformational healing you can give to yourself. Here are 9 steps to healing through forgiveness of yourself and ending the cycle of suffering. This 9 step process will support your emotional release, mindset change, and begin your healing.
Make a decision to disrupt the unhealthy cycle of self-inflicted trauma and suffering. Speak aloud and write down that you have made a decision to begin the healing process.
Accept responsibility for your past mistake and accept that you are NOT responsible for the mistake of another.
Write down all the reasons why you are holding on to this hurt or feeling the way you do about yourself or another, so that you release the emotions suffocating your heart.
Affirm that holding on to low vibrational emotions such as anger, regret, guilt, shame, blame, sadness, fear, worry, resentment, etc. does not serve you in a healthy way and keeps you stuck in the cycle of suffering.
Surrender the judgment of your ego. Being human means we are fallible, we make mistakes. From a place of compassion and non-judgment, seek new understanding or new meaning about your past experience that will support your healing. Remember ‒ people who are hurting, tend to hurt others.
It’s ok if nothing makes sense. Understand that you did the best you could at that moment, place and space in time with what you knew. Write or speak aloud an apology to yourself or another.
Affirm that you are a survivor, you are an overcomer, you are human, you are here at this moment, place and space in time because you have lived, learned and grown through and despite your past experience.
Only you can determine how your past will affect your present. The past can not and will not ever hurt you again, as long as you let go and release the emotions, memory, and meaning you attached to the past experience forever. Give yourself permission to forget, let go, learn, move forward, and heal.
Write down all the ways you have grown, changed, and learned from your past in a healthy way. Be your own best friend and celebrate each lesson learned as a win. Step into your experience of freedom by allocating 5 minutes every day to feel the unconditional love, acceptance, and compassion your heart holds for you.
Celebrate your freedom by Affirming ‒ I am free from the past experience! I am free from the emotional stronghold! I am free from the cycle of suffering! I am free from judgment! I am free to heal and move forward! I am free to be! I am becoming the person I can feel good about and I feel free! I am moving forward with my life knowing that I am infinitely loved by my creator! I am free to choose now to heal myself and it feels so good!
Dr. Erika Montgomery, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Erika Montgomery is a Clinical Psychologist and Life Coach with 25 years of experience providing mental health treatment. Dr. Montgomery owns an online CBD dispensary with Wakanna, a Female Black-Owned CBD Company, and advocates for the daily use of CBD for mental and physical health. Dr. Montgomery is a Mental Health consultant with the Social Security Administration for the past 11 years. Dr. Montgomery hosts a weekly podcast called, "Master Your Mind with Dr. Erika," on the Law of Attraction Radio Network. Dr. Montgomery believes every human is worthy of unconditional love and has the power within to change. My motto: "Mental Health Is Human Health."
