Written by: Sandy Linda, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I didn’t realize how much fear dictated my decisions until I faced one of the worst situations you can imagine – losing three of my closest family members one after another. My deepest fears became a reality. But, in the years that have followed, I have had to face that. Actually, fear had always been present in my life and had played a steering role in everything from minute to huge decisions.
Author Susan Jeffers wrote: "We fear beginnings; we fear endings. We fear changing; we fear ‘staying stuck’. We fear success; we fear failure. We fear living; we fear dying.” Fear can hinder us but it can also save us. It is hard-baked into nearly every person. This is not, therefore, another article about overcoming fear, but about using it.
The impact of fear on leadership is profound and complex in nature. Fear can hinder a leader's decision-making abilities, causing them to become uncertain and unsure. It can also lead to a lack of creativity and resistance to change, as leaders may refrain from taking risks due to fear of failure or criticism. Fear can also destroy trust and communication within a team, as leaders who lead with fear may create an environment of intimidation and a lack of intellectual safety. But it can also be the impetus for positive change.
Fear of losing my job
When I returned to work after my bereavement leave, I was intimidated. The weight of grief still lingered, making it difficult to face the daily demands of the workplace. I had to interact with colleagues who knew about my situation but lacked empathy toward my grieving process. I was afraid of standing out because I needed some support and afraid of losing my job.
It wasn’t the right job. There had already been warning signs. I had pursued further education through the company's tuition reimbursement program and my boss wasn’t happy with that. After two weeks, I left. I had faced something so horrific that facing another fear – the fear of unemployment – was far easier to rationalize and quieten.
Fear of rejection
I next faced the fear of rejection. This is the fear that holds us back from expressing our authentic feelings. In the face of adversity, I experienced the heartache of losing the support of those closest to me. They rejected me. This left me struggling to form meaningful connections with others. It took time and patience to discover that actually, facing this – another huge fear – was an opportunity for self-discovery and growth. I now embrace rejection as a chance to fine-tune my approach and increase my chances of success in future interactions.
When we approach our feelings of rejection with kindness and acceptance, we can more easily recover and continue with our lives.
Fear of change
It was fear of change that then stopped me in my tracks even when I had already left my job and was already at peace with the prospect of rejection. But I doubted myself daily and kept thinking about simply returning to what I knew. I was scared of changing paths.
In Be Fearless, Jean Chase writes: “The Big Bet way of thinking: it’s not just about developing a product but about opening up whole new territories for exploration.” I did just this. I had some financial stability so I decided to start doing odd jobs such as pet sitting, and grocery and meal deliveries. It was an excellent opportunity to earn money quickly but it meant I also met completely new people and delved into completely new territories.
Fear can stop you exploring but it can also be a powerful motivator for leaders to take action and drive change. Recognising and confronting fears can help leaders better understand their strengths and weaknesses. This self-awareness can lead to personal growth and increased resilience. Additionally, leaders who empathise with the fears and concerns of their team members can create a supportive and compassionate work environment.
I finally felt almost fearless so I took on another fear - I had always been terrified of public speaking. There is a classic Jerry Seinfeld stand-up joke about public speaking being more scary than death for many! Research shows that 75 percent of people have some level of public speaking anxiety. I got involved with an organization called Toastmasters and this has led to a significant increase in my self-confidence and personal growth. I now use my newly honed skills to create a podcast show; and I share what I have learnt. This is something I never imagined that I would do.
What I have realized during my journey is that you can’t ignore fears or circumnavigate them. There is a high probability that one of your biggest fears will become a reality at some point in your life. You can, however, acknowledge them and think about what they say about you.
Our fears can often show us what we really want, especially the things that would push us out of our comfort zone. And they often say that we want an adventure. Our goal should be not just to achieve a particular outcome or reach a destination but to find delight, personal growth, and a sense of fulfillment in the journey itself, however much it scares us.
Sandy Linda, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sandy Linda is an elegant and worldly leader in grief guidance and a life coach. After experiencing multiple losses, she began a journey using her experiences to find calm in the chaos to support those mourning multiple losses. Sandy helps her clients move from heartbreaking losses to a place where they can work towards healing and become fearless adventure leaders.
