Written by: Deborah McPhilemy, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Last month I wrote an article about how ‘you being you’ unlocks your Personal Power (you can read that article here.) So, have you stepped into your personal power yet? If not, why not and how do you even know?
Start living what you have learnt
If you are reading this article, I can only assume that you have already started down the road of self-development. If you are anything like I was, you’ve probably read, or listened to, tons of self-help books, attended multiple workshops, taken part in quests and challenges, downloaded endless amounts of webinars and tuned into a variety of podcasts. I love that technology has evolved so much that we now have access to so many teachers all over the world that can help us to become the best versions of ourselves. However, the downside to having so much access, is that we can become addicted to it and becoming addicted to self-development means that we often don’t recognise when it’s time to stop learning and start living what we have learnt.
Having a frame of reference will help.
There are quite a few Life Coaches out there that will tell you to ignore your past, to ‘leave the past in the past’ and that you should start living in the present! However, the reality is that we are all the sum total of our pasts. You are who you are today because of every single experience you have had up until now, and in my opinion, being able to look back at the past and see just how far you have come will give you a frame of reference. Recognising your progress is what will inspire, and motivate you, to keep moving forward so that you can become, or return to, that person you want to be.
If you do as some coaches suggest you do and ignore your past and shove it down into some deep dark crevice of your mind, you will have no frame of reference to draw from and it could keep you mentally trapped thinking that you haven’t made any personal progress at all.
Constantly developing yourself can become a bad habit
I honestly believe that self / personal development is imperative for all of us. It makes us better people, it helps us to feel better about ourselves, to progress in life and it makes the planet a far better place to live when its inhabitants are feeling more content, but you need to know when to stop burrowing down that self-development rabbit hole. The danger of not recognising your progress to date, is that you could find yourself getting into a habit of always looking for the next thing you want to ‘fix’ about yourself, your mind getting stuck in a loop of always looking for what is wrong instead of looking for what is right. And the more you’re stuck in that loop, the deeper you burrow into that rabbit hole which can leave you feeling exhausted, burnt out or even depressed.
The way to know when to break that self-help habit is to pay attention to how you feel and what is going on in your life right now. For all you know you might have already reached your personal development destination without even being aware of it. So, let’s take a look at some of the signs that will give you an idea of whether you are ready to step into your personal power or whether you still have a little way to go.
You have peace of mind
Your thoughts have become quiet, you no longer have an inner chatterbox (your shitty committee) questioning your every move, doubting your decisions, giving you it’s a constant barrage of negative unsolicited opinions, putting you down at every opportunity it gets and keeping you awake at night! You find that you can now sit and do nothing. When you sit in the garden, or stare out at it through the window, you find yourself having no thoughts, or instead you have thoughts like, ‘gosh that tree is pretty’ or ‘I love those flowers’ or ‘I’m so grateful for this beautiful blue sky we have today’. You no longer feel a sense of worry, you know that whatever you need to do will get done. You move through your day doing whatever you need to do easily and effortlessly.
You no longer procrastinate
You know what you want and when you want it. You trust yourself and your choices. You no longer have to ask everyone else for their opinion on what to do with your life. You choose for yourself, by yourself and you feel comfortable with the choices you make.
You are decisive
You make a decision and you go with it, you follow through. When you make decisions, you instinctively know they are right – you feel it in your gut – you feel a sense of peace in your tummy, you no longer have those churning sicky sensations of worrying and wondering if you made the right decision. The self-doubt has gone!
You trust and believe in yourself
You find yourself feeling quietly confident, even the way you walk has changed. When you walk you feel good about yourself, you feel 100% comfortable in your own skin. You no longer feel burdened, as if all the responsibility, and the weight of the world, has been lifted off your shoulders.
You trust in life and that things will turn out exactly as it’s meant to
You have a deep sense of knowing that things will turn out the way they are meant to. If something comes up or goes wrong with your plans you know it’s because there is a message, or something you need to learn, about the situation. Or, that it was not meant to be and that something better is meant for you.
You no longer feel like you have to force things to happen
You’ve got to the point where you can make a decision, take action and follow through on your action steps knowing that your plans are working out. You no longer feel the pressure to personally make things happen. The urge to constantly check-up, or check on people, ‘just to make sure’, stops.
You like and love, yourself
You have become your own best friend. You enjoy your own company, you enjoy spending time with yourself, you fulfil your own needs, you practice great self-care and you no longer feel self-conscious. If you want to get up and dance, you do it without a care in the world of what other people may think of you.
You feel safe
You no longer feel like the world, or people, are out to get you. You start attracting good things and good people into your life. You can spot a scam or scammer a mile off and it now amuses you instead of making you feel angry.
You don’t play the blame game
You know that your choices and decisions are yours, that no one else is responsible for what you do. You own your feelings; you don’t blame other people for making you feel a certain way. You take responsibility for your own actions and your behaviour and never accuse anyone else of ‘making you do it’.
You have freedom
You feel free to be you! You don’t feel trapped anymore. You know that if you feel unhappy you can express it, if you feel disrespected you can say so, if you need to ask for help (from a person or the universe) you can do so without any feelings of embarrassment or hesitation. If your relationship is no longer working and you want to end it, you can decide to do so knowing that you are doing the best thing for yourself and those involved. If you are not being paid enough at work, you are able to ask for a raise and if you don’t get one you feel free to leave knowing you will find another job that is worthy of you. If you are an entrepreneur or business owner, you work on your terms, you do what you love and you get paid for it.
It's time to step into your Personal Power
If all of the signs above resonate with you, then you are definitely ready to step into your personal power which means that you can now navigate your life effortlessly. That you have reached that point where you can make changes, achieve goals and manifest your desires without restraint!
If you are only realising now how far you have come, then make sure that you take some time to celebrate your achievements, to give yourself a pat on the back, to be proud of what you have accomplished. The road to empowerment is a hard road, not many people take it as it takes extraordinary grit, commitment and dedication. You are one of the few that have done it, so be in awe of who you are and enjoy the incredible fruits of all your work.
If it’s not your time yet, keep going ‒ it’s worth it!
If you are not there yet, if some of the signs above do not resonate with you, then keep going! It may be tough at times, but take it from me, the end result is so worth it! Looking back at my own life which was filled with incredible emotional and mental pain, poverty, abuse, and violence, compared to the life I enjoy today which is filled with love, delicious foods, travel, adventure, laughter and fun, I know that it’s because I never gave up! Deep down I always knew that there was more to relationships and life than what I was experiencing, and I was determined to have the life I dreamt of. It took sheer guts and determination to face my demons, to forgive my perpetrators, to sit with the pain and move through it! It also took courage and trust to keep going knowing that there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
So never give up, the person you want to be and the life you want to live is right in front of you, you just need to grab it, to take action and trust the process along the way.
Deborah McPhilemy, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Deborah McPhilemy is the Founder of Selfie School, a Self-Empowerment Academy that empowers and educates women and children holistically, so they can become completely comfortable being themselves. After coming from a disempowered background of being bullied and abused, she completely ‘lost’ herself. After spending years healing and rediscovering who she was, she returned to being herself and her life was transformed beyond recognition. She now spends her life helping others to do the same, as well as helping them in a preventative context.
