Written by: Ethel Hagonka Daka, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The sun rises and sets in a lonely heart of a lonely spouse. Every minute that passes is a struggle as the heart, mind, and soul yearn for the loved one. A battle of emotions rages inside out, expected to behave normally is not even the issue. You sigh to no one because, as an adult, you should be in total control of all that is within you. Sharing your grievance with others does not make things any easier. Some may sympathize with you, unfortunately, their sympathy activates even deeper emotions, and on the other hand, others wonder what the big deal is with being in a long-distance marriage. Alas, it is your battle and nobody else’.
Sometimes you don’t know how much longer you need to hold on, what sacrifices can you make? What is at stake, is it your stomach, health, or family? The battle is real. It is no use to try and explain it because, like you, everybody is battling with something. What then shall be left of you and your lonely longing self?
Close your eyes, breathe in and out, and put on your armour because the ground on which you stand is a battlefield: You can miss out on a lot; however, you may be overlooking an opportunity to grow into an even better spouse and build an even better marriage.
Fair-Fight Development:
Just like in any relationship and marriage, fights will always be there. Conflict is inevitable, and the goal of every well-meaning spouse is resolution. Fair fight in this contest does not include physical harm. Understand that conflict is part of a healthy marriage and learning the art of fair fighting is very important.
It is not enough to read about fighting fairy, you need to practice. And it is the practical part that may cause a problem in a long-distance marriage. There is no guarantee that you will only have conflict in person, war may breakout even on phone. Reading your spouse’s physical reaction is an important part of the conflict, unfortunately, this will not be present in long distance.
However, there is always something to learn and build. Conflicts that occur in long-distance cause spouses to hold back in most cases. It simply teaches self-control as one is trying to make sure that their words and tone is not misunderstood. If you can pay more attention to building what is available, then surely you can enjoy your marriage even more. Remember that self-control is a very important component in marriage.
Financial Development:
There is no marriage or human that exists without a financial component. It does not matter the financial stability or level of a couple; the fact is that there is a financial component after all. It is said that two are better than one, it is also said that two cannot move together unless they agree.
Financial talks and planning in marriage require time and serious budgeting. It is only normal that a budget of a couple on long distance will be different and most likely higher than that of spouses living under the same roof.
Just like everything else, this situation will equally teach the couple something important and this is the commitment required to manage finances. A couple on long distance will require more commitment on regular financial updates between the spouses involved than those living under the same roof. Because you are not there to see everything, you will rely on your spouse’s word to make decisions.
The commitment will not only end at communicating but will also extend to budgeting if the two are to grow a sustainable financial pool. It will require discipline which is an art every individual needs to acquire in order to grow.
Children Development:
Children cannot be in two places at the same time. A couple will need to decide which home is conducive for raising their children and why. It is not a secret that the most conducive environment to raise children is where there is both a loving mother and father to guide and nature the children as they grow. It is no wonder that children are not brought into the world by a single being.
At every point in a long-distance marriage, children will long and yearn for the love and presence of the missing parent. It does not matter how good the present parent can be, they can never replace the missing one.
It is this that helps us learn that we cannot have everything we want. We learn to accept and nature the little ones that life can happen and even then, you can still conquer and come out victorious. This is an important lesson that not only children should learn but spouses should learn too.
Personal Development:
When two people get married, they become one. The marriage is the birth of a new being that needs to be natured and helped to grow. Living in two different places can cause a rift in growth. This is because living apart causes some constraints on bonding which comes with spending more time together.
When two people spend more time together, they grow fond of each other. A lot of relationships and marriages have come about through spending time with someone without an initial intention of love. Doing things together and talking together is a step-by-step creation of intimacy.
This is why, when two married people are living apart, they miss out on that bonding. However, this is not doom for a happy married life, there is always a silver lining. Spouses will learn that love and commitment are purely a choice. You are responsible for that choice and you need to make it daily. As you keep choosing your spouse, your marriage, and yourself over and over, you simply create your life. You are responsible for creating the marriage you want, so keep creating it your way.
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Ethel Hagonka Daka, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Ethel Hagonka Daka is a marriage coach, Writer, and founder of Vinthel marriage solutions. Ethel is driven by her passion, mission and vision to see better marriages and fulfilled spouses.
She is dedicated to helping couples be drivers of their own marriages other than them being passengers.
Through coaching and writing, Ethel helps spouses and couples to master their marriages so as to experience fulfilment even as they journey in the art of love and commitment towards one another.
She is a stronger believer that marriage is beautiful, can be made better and enjoyable provided that spouses apply the necessary ingredients.
