Written by: Marisa Murray, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
When we think of habits, we could probably classify many of them as the actions we take without involving much brain power. Consider your own daily routine. You might shower in the morning, brush your teeth, grab some coffee, and drive to work seemingly all on autopilot. And although your body has built up the corresponding muscle memories over time, you still have to consciously choose to do each of these routines.
For instance, if one morning you run into heavy traffic and you’re running late, you may decide to skip the coffee run. And although starting the day without coffee can be annoying, it’s a choice. You have the free will to alter your actions, including your habits.
All of our habits can run along a spectrum. There are good habits, such as brushing your teeth. There are bad habits, like mindlessly scrolling on your phone. And then there are unconscious habits—which can become problematic for us in the workplace.
Unconscious Habits are the actions we take or ways we behave that inadvertently annoy others or hold us back. These are often so deeply integrated into who we think we are, we have no active awareness of them. We chalk them up as just part of our personalities and settle in for a lifetime of not only accepting these unconscious actions but even justifying them as unchangeable.
Some unconscious habits can be fairly innocuous—like a tendency to bounce one’s leg while sitting or clicking a pen while listening. Though, even these can become quite distracting.
Blind spots arise when the actions and reactions we repeat fuse with our identity. When others only see us as the habit and not as a person, it causes collateral damage all around us. At best, it results in impatience from those around us who have to deal with our habit. At worst, it creates resistance from others who are repelled by the unconscious habit.
Habitual algorithms
I like to compare unconscious habits to running an algorithm within your brain. We all have thousands of these algorithms running simultaneously, and each one has a point of origin, moving from one neuron to another. We can stop running an algorithm or start running a different one, but we first have to bring consciousness to the established algorithm operating on autopilot. We must choose to disrupt it before we can change it.
Otherwise, any of us can easily fall into the thought pattern of Well, this is just who I am. There is nothing I can do about it, so others will just have to deal with it. But it is easy to see how damaging this mentality can be.
Creating new thought patterns is hard, though. It means we first have to take a step back and become curious about why we behave the way we do. Once we can identify the patterns that need to change, we can take responsibility for them and make conscious changes that will become more automatic the more we use them.
The good news is that there are ways to consciously change your behaviours while also changing your thought patterns. When your behaviours and thoughts become aligned to new patterns, you can develop new habits capable of helping you instead of hurting you.
In my new book Blind Spots, I share the story of a former client who I call “Tessa the Teacher.” When I met her, I was blown away by her intelligence, her eagerness to help, and her ability to explain financial concepts. She was an excellent teacher within her company when it came to finance.
But Tessa had a blind spot that everyone else but her could see—she never stopped teaching. She had developed a habit of weighing in on every single issue in the company, even when she didn’t have any expertise or experience on the matter being discussed. Not only was this annoying her colleagues, but it was undermining her authority and tainting her reputation.
Too often, Tessa would offer up information which was simply wrong. Her intention was to help, but the impact of her words was that coworkers questioned her intelligence and competence. When this came to light for Tessa through her colleague's feedback, it was a revelation. She had no realization of her unconscious “teaching” habit. It had become an internal algorithm, running on autopilot, and creating unnecessary distrust and discouragement around her.
You are your own worst enemy
One interesting aspect of unconscious habits is how they are much easier for those around us to see. Yet what is glaring to those around us goes completely unnoticed by ourselves, like a sesame seed stuck in our teeth. When we decide to be open to feedback and use it as a mirror, we can then consciously take the steps necessary to replace destructive habits with positive ones.
Oftentimes, the biggest thing holding you back as a leader is yourself. As an executive coach, I’ve seen this time and time again when unconscious habits are at play.
Awareness—transforming the unconscious to conscious—is always the first step to correcting the destructive habit.
The second step is understanding that you get to make the choice to form new habits. But it requires you to embrace personal growth to enable lasting change. The habit may have been unconscious, but you have full power over creating a new habit for yourself. You don’t have to remain your own worst enemy.
In the case of my client “Tessa the Teacher,” she learned she could contribute to her team by allowing other team members to share their professional insight. She learned her knowledge was valued far more when combined with her peers rather than dominating the conversation by offering up her unsolicited two cents on every topic.
Making the unconscious conscious
Of course, the great difficulty with unconscious habits is that they are a blind spot—you can't see what you can't see. But the great news is you can create a mirror for yourself through the feedback of others.
This requires great vulnerability, which can be a roadblock for many leaders who have been taught to never appear vulnerable. It also requires an ability to receive feedback not as a personal attack but as helpful input. But when you can combine these two, you can make the unconscious become the conscious.
When you're willing to move your unknowns into the known, you gain awareness of what unintentional behaviours are negatively impacting your effectiveness. Only then can you make the shift to change the destructive pattern being fed by your unconscious habits.
Start by asking yourself:
Self-reflection questions: |
|
Granted, if a habit is truly unconscious, you’ll find it faster by asking others. But as a leader, it's never wrong to practice some introspection and self-reflection.
And since unconscious habits can also exist within a team, gather your team to brainstorm the following:
Team-reflection questions: |
|
To see more examples of how leaders have made their unconscious habits conscious, I’d invite you to read my book Blind Spots: How Great Leaders Uncover Problems and Unleash Performance. Habits are hard enough to change when you know what they are—but when you don’t see them at all, it can be near impossible. But with an outside perspective—and a little courage—you can take bad unconscious habits and replace them with great ones.
P.S. Want to gain invaluable insights into your blind spots right now – that’s why we built www.feedbackfriend.ai. Get the feedback you need for free today.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter, and YouTube, or visit my website for more info!
Marisa Murray, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Marisa Murray is a leadership expert and executive coach with three Amazon best-sellers: Work Smart, Iterate!, and Blind Spots. She is CEO of Leaderley International and a TEDx speaker, dedicated to helping individuals and teams achieve superior performance. Her epiphany that "Blind Spots are the Key to Breakthroughs" inspired the creation of FeedbackFriend.ai, an AI-powered tool democratizing feedback access. Recognized by Manage HR magazine in the Top 10 Emerging Executive Coaching Companies for 2023, Leaderley serves clientele from the upper echelons of Fortune 500 companies. Through Marisa's writing, coaching, speaking, or 360s—her mission is to cultivate leaders that accelerate positive change.
Comments