Written by: Leah Marmulla, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
These emotions are high, vibrational emotions that raise our body feelings into love, peace, and contentment when felt. There are many definitions for gratitude, but the core elements consist of an emotion felt in response to receiving an unexpected or a gift or beneficiary's Appreciation towards a generous act. Gratitude is also considered a virtue, indicating the high character value and sense of morality that gratitude elicits. It is suggested the feeling created is linked to recognising or sensing a higher power, which could b explained by the high vibrational value gratitude has.
According to a white paper on the Positive Psychology website[i], there are many benefits to regularly experiencing a state of gratitude. This list might inspire enough to practice seeing the gifts in all things and situations.
1. Makes us happier and more optimistic. Noticing what we already have helps us see the good we have, reminds us of past successes and happiness, and raises our optimism for future positive experiences. What we focus on increases and expands.
2. Increases psychological well-being. Embodying gratitude strengthens a sense of well-being, self-esteem and reduces depression.
3. Enhances positive emotions resilience and focusing on our own good fortune, reducing distractions and comparisonitis.
4. Self-esteem and life satisfaction improves. When we feel better about our circumstances, we feel better about ourselves and see our achievements and strengths that previously weren't so obvious.
5. Suicidal thoughts could be reduced. While I personally disagree with this statement, for some, it certainly could be enough to help them keep their skin in the game. Listing what we 'should' be grateful for would usually trigger me more guilt and shame. If someone is experiencing ideation, then professional and sensitive help is needed, not guilt-tripping or reminding them how good they have it.
6. People like us more. Happy people are generally easier fun to be around. They can help us keep our vibe up, see the positive, are encouraging and optimistic. People feel the vibe and gravitate to inspiring, positively charged and feel good to be around.
7. Improves romantic relationships. This makes sense. When we see what the other do 'right', we are acknowledged, encourage the more desired behaviour, and focus. Who doesn't love being appreciated?
8. Improves general friendships, social interactions and workplace engagement. Appreciation, acceptance and being seen are core needs for most people. Expressing genuine gratitude as appropriate creates space for others to perform at their best, a safe space for problem-solving conversations and a supportive environment through connection and recognition.
9. Strengthen family relationships during stress and anxious times. As above, when we feel heard, appreciated and truly valued, feeling connected and enjoyed (for the right reasons), genuine conversations and a sense of safety reduces stress and uncertainty. Having a safe place to go and be ourselves is paramount to heal past wounds, bond and shift towards the Secure Attachment style.
10. Increase spiritual connection by connecting more deeply into the gifts, blessings, and the deeper feeling gratitude evokes. Seeing how many aspects of life are there not from 'our' doing, but the synchronicity of paths crossing, for instance.
11. Increases our reciprocity of giving, activating this Universal Law. When we feel good and are deeply thankful, we are often stirred to give back, in-kind or as a benefactor. Gratitude seems to help the cycle of giving increase and speed up.
12. Greater life satisfaction and less materialistic. This is almost a no-brainer. Being grateful for the things and people in our life reduces the want or need for more. When we purchase or develop other interests, it is for pleasure or complement what is already there. This alone changes the dynamics and adds to life.
13. Makes for better managers and leaders. Acknowledging colleagues and team members' strengths and efforts inspire them to continue improving and giving their best. Enhanced engagement of higher quality is a win-win for all involved.
14. Reduces fear of missing out (FMO) syndrome. Knowing and appreciating our strengths, what we have already available minimizes the stress to continually purchase or acquire to fill a 'gap' or the latest in the market. Knowing and appreciating ourselves also minimizes the fear of being inadequate or less than. Healthy self-esteem is cost-effective.
15. Helps bring meaning to the meaning of life and work. Seeing the good in ourselves, what we bring to others, and how much others value us, the change is palpable. We are inspired to do ad be more.
16. Improves health by reducing stressful moments. Improved blood pressure, sleep, libido, food choices, motivation to exercise. Reduces inflammation, in-turn improves all other body systems and symptoms.
17. Supports recovery by promoting positive attention towards the good aspects of life.
Sounds good, does it not? There is a song from 30+ years ago that still reminds me of this simple (yet challenging practice)
Count your blessings daily, one by one.
The sentiment of gratitude is to focus on the good things in life, no matter how small they may seem at the time. At this point, 30 years ago, my life was at the beginning of the end of my marriage. While it did take me 7 years to step out, I sometimes wonder what could have happened if I could have completed this simple instruction with less conflict and resistance.
I knew I was blessed, yet, my inner demons and pains were still screaming at me. I didn't have the knowledge or resources to cope with my inner world being out of synch with my higher purpose and inner truths. I was living a lie and so scared of not being part of a loving family that I agreed to lose myself along the way. Not good advice.
The blessing of hindsight! Still, if I didn't have these experiences, I most likely wouldn't be here doing what I love. Again, I ask, is it Divine timing? Were he and I the most significant and most challenging gift to the other? Personally, I choose to see my marriage and the challenges as my biggest blessings. We went through hell together, but I needed to heal a lot along the way. I'm attempting to make the point when I learnt to see and feel beyond the inner pain, the limiting beliefs yelling at me. When I moved away from my historic familiar, familial, social, religious and patriarchal beliefs, it was easier to become who I chose to become.
My suggestion, work towards living in gratitude. If you are stuck, don't even attempt guilt or a sense of familiarity. Seeing the little things in life can be the lifeboat to balance the unpleasant things happening. What we focus on increases. Being the higher vibration of gratitude changes your perception of the circumstances around you. Operating at a higher vibe also shifts dynamics of situations as well by choosing to see the good and in Others who may be protecting themselves from your fear, anger and unsettledness. Imagine, if you raised your vibration, how things could be different. You might have more courage to take the necessary action to make lasting change. You own your focus, your feelings and operate more from love than fear. You are working towards the future, not being stuck in the past. You might experience an easier transition of letting go, or others may willingly and lovingly leave. Yes, there is still a transition adjustment, yet, this is part of the growth process.
If being grateful is too big to navigate and more harmful than it is worth at this point. Be gentle with yourself and address the feelings that are blocking or hiding gratitude? Is it anger, frustration, deep pain, and sadness, grief? Reflect on your experiences. Were you shamed into being grateful? Did you hear mixed messages around thankfulness? Was it loaded with expectations, righteousness, guilt? Were things taken away or tarnished somehow? Did you create the idea, "What's the point?"
Explore the memories, feelings, stories and patterns around gratitude and things you 'should be' grateful for. You might be pretty surprised what comes to you. Then, forgive yourself, others, thank the safe guardians of potential future pain, but take back your power and choose what you choose to become. Don't let the fear keep you tiny and stuck.
Above all, do what you can. This work is really working through layers of memories and emotions, a spiral towards core issues. There isn't any perfect or right way to address these. Each situation is unique and constantly changing with time, as you change, as others change. Change is inevitable; flexibility and going with the flow is a required skill to develop.
Consider the following as a prompt and inspiration. Relationships – family, friends, co-workers, customers, mentors, demanding customers, lover or lack of, people online, groups, in hobbies, who inspire, who challenge you
In your home – living space – what works and provides comfort and inspiration. Personal space where you can take a few quiet moments (or would like to), storage space, natural light, space to be you, for your family to be themselves. A reflection of your and your family personalities.
Career/work – achievements, sense of success, pleasure, flexibility, autonomy, connection with staff, customers, appropriate challenges and wins, recognition, level of enjoyment/satisfaction.
Hobbies and downtime – do you have access and time to do what you enjoy, even for small amounts of time? Can purchase or have access to the materials and space required. Do you explore options, new ideas, interests etc.? Do you give yourself permission to include your hobbies as part of your self-care regime?
Health and wellbeing – access to and choices about the foods, drinks, snacks, exercise, self-care, including mental, emotional and physical balance
The location where you live – safety level, freedom to move around, reasonable restrictions considering social and environmental risks. Access to services, entertainment, education, health, support services. Community services such as a library, gathering centres, religious or spiritual places. Transport options, A sense of belonging, acceptance etc.
Needs specific to you and your family things, opportunity, assessment to people, organisations, space, resources, etc., that is unique to you.
After you have listed ideally, at least 50 in total over the segments more if you can, feel into them. Really allow the visceral sensation of gratitude to rise up and thank the Universe, the people, the location, the providers, etc., for providing you with connection, help, and support. Thank yourself for the courage to be you; go after and claim what you have written down. It takes effort and commitment to do this. Thank your past for giving you the foundations and challenges to create what you have now.
Then, you can take this list another step forward.
The resistances, the heavier feelings that come up around things you struggled or don't yet have gratitude around Tap them out, and hold space for you and others through the forgiveness prayer. Really allow yourself to be open to shifting what you can, knowing you can circle back again when you can add or adjust the list as life changes.
One more step
Turn the gratitude statements into affirmations – see the section on affirmations.
The parts you want in your life sooner rather than later, turn them into affirmations and delete the stories about why you can't or shouldn't experience these things.
Then, post your affirmations. Your current and future win everywhere. Create a vision/ dream board. Create a celebration/wins board and see your life more accurately. As you remove the challenges by decluttering the things and beliefs that do not fit your desire, move on. This activity, the affirmations, success board and trophy corner, provides anchors to refer back to.
If you can not easily or safely place reminders of your greatness in your space, create a Pinterest of the things you choose to focus on. Create a book, or folder of the person you are becoming, the things you will be buying and experiencing. Take a stack of photos and look through your phone's gallery while declaring these are yours. Daily write your affirmations in your journal. Look through your goal pictures and say the following statement with each image "I am so very grateful that I have/am experiencing/doing ……..".
Find a safe and pleasant place you can visit to ground yourself and go through your list and affirmations. See the section on anchors and affirmation writing.
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Leah Marmulla, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Leah has been to the dark side and back at least three times. It was during her last life attempt that triggered a deep realization. She recalls thinking, "If I'm not allowed to leave, then I need to work out how to live." With this realization, Leah deep-dived into her own shadow sides and now shares with others her passion — 'creating life on one's own terms.'
We all have a choice, but often we are so buried under other's expectations and rules we feel hopeless and disconnected. Growing out of the painful past, resulted in Leah authoring What the Mind Sees, the Body Feels, Creates and Attracts, and an Awareness and Accountability Journal of self-awareness, discovery, and manifestation towards the person the reader chooses to be and live from.
