Written by Danny Bader, Keynote Speaker, Author
Danny Bader is a near-death survivor, keynote speaker, best-selling author and podcast host. Danny brings a unique perspective and powerful message to his audiences,drawing from his own experiences to support, inspire and influence them on their life’s journey to greater levels of fulfillment and resilience always.
Well done all you graduates. I acknowledge you for your accomplishment and wish you fulfillment and resilience in life as you move forward.
As I recall my graduation from De Sales University (then Allentown College of St. Francis de Sales) I can emphatically say I did not handle this transition well…I failed it miserably. Not only did I ignore my family members who came to campus to celebrate with me—I went to the bar with some friends between mass and the ceremony. I know, I know, what an a**…yes, I agree. I then floundered between jobs for almost a decade until a tragic accident gave me no choice but to reconsider my “path.”
I have good news and bad news for you…the bad news is…well, there is no bad news. You’ve graduated. The good news is I’m 60 years old…and you’re not, well, most of you are not. I’d like to offer you four things I’ve come to understand are powerful principles to practice as you head into the rest of your life. Here they are:
Love your people fiercely
Two of the most popular social studies ever, Grant & Gluek, studied 268 Harvard graduates, and 456 men who grew up in inner-city neighborhoods of Boston. The goal of the studies was to identify the predictors of healthy aging and happiness. While many factors were considered and evaluated such as their relationship with their mother and father, social status, sexual orientation and activity, political views, economic status, religious beliefs, alcoholism and addictions, and others. Upon completion of the studies, it was reported, “The number 1 insight from the Harvard study is that close relationships and social connections are crucial for our well-being as we age. Having supportive and nurturing relationships is a buffer against life's stresses and protects overall health.” (source: Forbes.com, Harvard Research Reveals The number 1 Key To Living Longer And Happier)
A tragic electrocution accident when I was 28 left me and my friend dead…only I came back to life. It was during that dark time of despair when I realized the power of asking for help, and not shutting the people you love out...I realized the potent power of letting them in, letting them support and love you. Not only do you want to love your people fiercely…let them love you back…fiercely. Most of you are young and will certainly face the struggle and shit shows of life…they are inevitable. Be sure to keep your relationships solid, strong, and close by so as to call on them when you need them…and you be ready to do the same when they call on you. The business, distractions, and overwhelm of life are a ferocious force that will attempt to win and sever your relationships. It is not supposed to win, you are. So…love your people fiercely and say these three words often: “I Love you.” Trust me, they need to be said more by all of us.
H.U.T.
If you took a psychology course during your education you may have learned this…or maybe not, so let me offer you one thing which should be taught in school…”Your life is lived between your ears.” What I mean by this is your thoughts are what you say to yourself about the world you’re experiencing. Your thoughts are what you’re saying to yourself and others about what’s happening. It is your thoughts then that produce how you feel, and this leads to the actions you’ll take…or not take…procrastination is a hell of an action. So, be sure to practice H.U.T. This is to ‘hold useful thoughts”. Hold positive thoughts about what is happening. Be thankful in the good times when fortune is smiling on you and life is good. Be resilient and trusting in the difficult times of struggles, uncertainty, fear, and the sh*tshows of life. You are created to grow and navigate your way through these. You are not here to have life beat you, it may be winning sometimes, and you are not here to be beaten by it…it’s the other way around, trust me on this.
There are two powerful questions I call the “2Q’s” and you’d be wise to stay aware of these. Ask and answer them often. The first is, “What am I seeing in my world?” The second is, “What am I saying to myself—and others—about what I’m seeing in my world?” The answer to the first question rarely changes, the facts are the facts. Your power, your ability to experience growth, and resilience lie in your answer to the second question; answer this one with a positive and trusting statement. Life happens and it will bring challenges. You are not your thoughts, you are the thinker of them, so you may as well hold useful thoughts that put you into a strong and powerful emotion and mindset to deal with and overcome your adversity.
Connect with your spirit
Your heart and brain and lungs contribute to your body working, and there’s a “4th energy” which ultimately makes you go, makes your body work. I call it Spirit. It’s an energy, a connection to the Divine…to God, the universe, consciousness, etc. I’ve heard it called many things. I call it God, and this is my belief. The key is the Spirit wants what is good for you. It is the part of you, the energy within you that wants you to move and grow through adversity and struggles. It is good, and so are you because it is within you. When people are bad, they just are not in connection with their Spirit.
I know this because when I died, my Spirit left my body for some time as measured by this world. Then it returned to my body, and I came back to life. Your Spirit resides in stillness, so be sure to disconnect from this busy and overwhelming world, be still, breathe, and connect with Spirit—you’ll be glad you do.
Live with “arrfYl”
I invented a new word; well, I guess it’s more of an acronym than a word. It’s “arrfYl” and it stands for “a radical reverence for Your life.” I googled it and nobody else seems to have put these letters in this order, so I’m going to claim it, and you can have it as well. It’s like Uber, Google, Venmo, and all the others that have come to be in my lifetime.
To live with arrfYl is to have a foundational mindset that sits below all others. This is the mindset of the knowing and contemplation of your mortality, knowing you will die at some point. Now I know, many of you are saying, “Well, thanks Danny, I’m so freakin’ inspired right now, I don’t even need to finish this article.” Yes, yes, I get it. For most of you, the thought of your mortality is sad, depressing, and morbid. How’s this for a new, big idea? How about you begin to think about your mortality and let it be a thought of inspiration and empowerment? Let this thought get you keenly focused on the fact you are here right now…very much alive. And then know you have tremendous power within you to create a wonderful and fulfilling life, and the resilience to get through the tough times…because you do.
So, well done on your graduation, now go get after the life you want to create for yourself and those you love, and those you lead.
Read more from Danny Bader
Danny Bader, Keynote Speaker, Author
Danny Bader is a sought-after speaker whose message is simple: live with a radical reverence for YOUR life. An electrocution accident left Danny and his friend both dead...only Danny came back to life. Through stories, science, Spirit and humor Danny inspires and influences people to always do the work needed to create a life of fulfillment and resilience.
