Written by: Romana Hrivnakova, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Ghosting is not a new phenomenon. However, this avoidance tactic has become an alarmingly common way to end relationships in the last few years. Dealing with being ghosted can be very confusing, painful and, in some cases, even traumatic. It feels very personal. But ghosting is not about you. It’s about the person who chooses the worst way to end the relationship as it offers an easy way out.
In recent years, ghosting has become a normalized way of terminating relationships in our society. This is partly due to the rise of online dating and social media. However, the sad reality is that ghosting occurs not just on dating apps. This cowardly act of suddenly vanishing happens in all kinds of relationships; you can get ghosted by romantic partners, friends, clients, and acquaintances.
What does ghosting mean?
Ghosting is a term used to describe a disrespectful act of abruptly discontinuing all contact with a person without any explanation. When someone ghosts you, they suddenly stop responding to phone calls, text messages or emails, and they might block you on social media. The initial reaction is often confusion as there was no argument or falling out. They were in your life one day, and the next day disappeared without a trace. After the initial shock and disbelief that someone you cared about would vanish from your life, you’re left with unanswered questions and the hardship of moving on from silent treatment that denies closure.
The effects of ghosting on someone
Ghosting can cause immense pain and hurt. When someone disappears from your life without explanation, it can affect your self-esteem and make you question your self-worth. Getting ghosted can leave you feeling betrayed, making it difficult to trust people in the future. The sudden and unexpected ending of the relationship can also lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness and can worsen your mental health issues.
Being ghosted by someone you were close to can confirm your negative core beliefs, such as not being good enough and being unlovable. It can also trigger your ‘inner critic’, causing you to blame yourself. Connecting with your ‘inner critic’ might reactivate your childhood rejection and abandonment wounds that were not healed. Sadly, your unresolved childhood trauma might keep you stuck in a repeated cycle of being ghosted as you might unconsciously seek people who will ghost you.
Moreover, no explanation for the silent treatment can lead to you constantly thinking or talking about the person who ghosted you. You might find yourselves trapped in a cycle of overwhelming and obsessive thoughts – trying to figure out why the person who ghosted you disappeared, criticizing yourself, planning your revenge, or planning to confront them.
Why do people ghost?
Ghosting is a hurtful way of letting another person know you no longer want them in your life. And while people have every right to make that decision, how they choose to “communicate” that decision says a lot about them. People who struggle to communicate effectively ghost others to avoid difficult or awkward conversations and the emotional discomfort they might experience. Their lack of social skills and emotional immaturity might prevent them from forming healthy relationships. Thus, they might not understand the impact of their behaviour on others, or they might not care that others might get hurt due to their lack of empathy and inconsiderate behaviour.
In many cases, people who ghost have an avoidant attachment style. Avoidant individuals struggle with emotional closeness and often feel overwhelmed and suffocated in relationships. They tend to avoid close relationships as they don’t trust people. They dread confrontations and thus are more likely to choose ghosting as an easy way of avoiding uncomfortable situations. Moreover, people with an avoidant attachment style have a deep fear of rejection and the abrupt ending of relationships helps them protect themselves from being hurt.
People who ghost might have valid reasons to end relationships but don’t know how to end them in a healthy way. The increase in ghosting highlights a serious problem in our society – our inability to connect and form healthy relationships due to unresolved childhood trauma, emotional immaturity, lack of self-awareness, conflict avoidance and lack of communication skills. While I understand that ghosting someone can sometimes be a strategy to keep yourself safe from harm, I hope it does not become a standard practice in our relationships.
How to cope with ghosting?
Recovering from being ghosted might take time. The sudden and unexplained ending of the relationship can be challenging to move on from as you will never be offered an explanation and get closure. So, try to turn the focus away from the person who ghosted you and focus on healing your pain. Grieve the unexpected end of the relationship and allow yourself to feel sadness and anger. Focus on your self-care and engage in activities that make you happy. You might want to isolate yourself due to the pain you feel. However, make plans with your family and friends and open yourself up to healthy connections once you heal.
As mentioned above, ghosting can leave you stuck in the cycle of obsessive thoughts. Seeking therapy can help you reframe your thoughts around this painful experience and can help you minimize your feelings of self-blame, guilt, or shame. Moreover, being ghosted could allow you to explore why you might be drawn to people who use ghosting to avoid their unresolved emotional pain, are emotionally immature, avoid closeness, deal with difficult situations in a way that hurts others, and lack empathy and communication skills.
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Romana Hrivnakova, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Romana Hrivnakova works as a Psychotherapist in Toronto. Romana has extensive experience working with individuals who use substances to cope with childhood trauma, overwhelming emotions, or painful life experiences. In her 13 years of working as a mental health and addiction professional, she obtained various degrees and diplomas; however, she places her experience of working in a homeless shelter in the UK for 9 years above all her qualifications. There she witnessed the terrible consequences of childhood trauma, attachment injury, and people’s desperate attempts to cope with what happened to them (or did not happen and should have happened) in their childhood. This experience and her childhood challenges and life experiences inspired Romana to help her clients connect with their wounded inner children and help them react to present and future challenges as adults rather than wounded children.
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