Written by: Marika Humphreys, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you ever noticed that sometimes you get stuck in a negative train of thought and can’t stop thinking about something terrible or worried about the future? One thought leads to the next, which leads to the next… Before you know it, you are spiraling into a big mess of worry and anxiety that can be hard to get out of.
Negative Thought Spirals
This can happen in any area of your life, but it’s very easy to fall prey to when you are a caregiver. Let’s say your partner has cancer and next week you will get the results back of their latest scan. You start thinking:
What happens if the scan shows the cancer has spread?
What if the chemo doesn’t work?
If he doesn’t make it, how will I manage alone?
I don’t want to do this alone…
Before you know it, you are wracked with fear, anxiety, and worry. It’s no fun!
Your Brain Is A Busy Train Station
Your brain is like a busy train station. Thoughts coming and going throughout the day. When we are facing a particular challenge in our life like coping with our partner’s cancer, many of those trains of thought will be the big, black, dirty, ugly ones. Those negative thoughts will come up often and if you aren't prepared, you will board them and let them take you away.
This is because what you focus on is what you will get more of. When you allow negative thinking to take over, it will be difficult to avoid the fear and anxiety that will follow. Our thoughts generate our emotions and so when we get stuck in a negative thought spiral, it is no question that negative emotions will follow.
Control or No Control?
What many of us don’t always realize is that many of the trains in the busy train station of your mind are not worth your attention. Just because you think something, doesn’t mean it’s true! When you are under stress, your brain will be on the lookout for danger so it will find all the things in your life to worry about. This doesn’t mean you need to listen! Many of those negative trains of thought are about things in which you have no control. So instead of hopping on board, just let that big, dirty, ugly train leave the station without you on it!
How to Get off a Negative Train of Thought
1. Notice when you are on a negative train of thought.
If you don’t first recognize you are on this negative train, it will be hard to get off. One easy way to recognize it is by how you feel. If you are feeling anxious or worried and can’t stop, then it’s likely you have a negative train of thought running through your head.
2. Decide if you have control.
Once you notice your negative train of thought, decide if it’s something you have control over or not. If you are waiting on the results of a scan, you have no control over what those results will be. If it is something you have control over, take one action to address the issue. When we act, we automatically feel more powerful and in control.
3. If you don’t have control, then let the train leave the station!
If you realize your worry is over something you have no control over (and this is where most of our worry is), then decide deliberately to let that train of thought leave the station without you aboard!
Remember, you don’t have to hop on that negative train of thought. Once you notice it, decide to let that one leave the station and watch it go!
Support Group
If you want support, connection, and tips for coping with your partner’s cancer, join the free Facebook Group STRONGER TOGETHER When Your Partner Has Cancer.
Marika Humphreys, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Marika Humphreys is a Resiliency Coach. At the age of 40, while working full time and raising a 5-year-old, her late husband was diagnosed with cancer. Over the next 5 years, as her husband battled multiple cancers, she took on many roles, including spouse, employee, mom, and caregiver. Marika believes caregiving is one of the toughest jobs out there, and it’s easy to become depleted and feel like you have no control. Through coaching, she learned that she could still be in charge of her life, even while caregiving to her husband. Coaching helped her discover her own power, strength, and resilience, and now she helps her clients do the same. She believes that even in the midst of a challenge like having a spouse with cancer, you can build resiliency skills and take control of your life.
