From Surviving Abuse to Founding The Horse Sanctuary in Sweden – An Interview with Ylwa Woxmark

Ylwa Woxmark, a certified and accredited coach and equine-guided recovery coach, has healed from childhood traumas and abusive relationships. She is today dedicated to helping people change their perspective on traumas to be able to see their strengths and to find their life purpose. She is the founder of The Horse Sanctuary in Sweden, where former traumatized horses assist her in coaching people with the same challenges. Her mission: Allow yourself a second chance.

Ylwa Woxmark, Equine-guided Recovery Coach

Introduce yourself! Please tell us about you and your life so we can get to know you better.

Ylwa Woxmark was leading a successful business and family life when her father passed away in 2000. At the time, she was in her 30s, but his death brought a surge of suppressed emotions and unresolved events from her childhood to the surface. Her life changed dramatically: she divorced her husband, became a workaholic, advanced her career, and began living a destructive lifestyle, one that ultimately led to a relationship with a psychopath.

Left without a sense of identity but still alive, she eventually mustered the strength to leave him, marking the beginning of her long road to recovery. With professional help, she gained insight into how her beliefs, patterns, and behaviors had led her to this point of no return. At rock bottom, she made a vow to herself: to one day work with her passion and help horses and people facing the same challenges she had endured.

Today, Ylwa lives happily married to her husband, co-worker, and best friend, Mats. They run a horse farm in the heart of Sweden, where they care for six horses, a dog, and a cat. With their children now grown, they can focus on pursuing their passions and building their dream life.

What was the turning point that finally gave you the strength to leave the toxic relationship?

I remember thinking that this kind of thing only happened to other people. We had just celebrated my 40th birthday, and I felt happy. But he was often away on business trips, and something in my gut didn't feel right. One evening, after he had left me crying on the floor following one of our arguments, I did an internet search for his name. There, right in front of me, was a picture of him with a smiling woman, holding a small baby in her arms.

It felt as if someone had torn my stomach in half; I struggled to breathe and started hyperventilating. The baby looked no more than a few weeks old, which meant the child's birth coincided almost exactly with our celebration of my 40th birthday. I looked her up, and she lived only a five-minute walk from my apartment.

When he found out I had contacted her, he became furious, and I was terrified. I had already confided in my best friend and some colleagues about what had happened, and now I was scared to go home to my apartment since he still had the access code and my keys. One of my colleagues helped me craft a text message to him and arranged to meet outside my gate. She sat in her car next to me, ready to drive off with me if anything happened.

He approached slowly, glancing over at the car. He looked tense, like a predator who realized he was trapped with no way to escape. It felt like too much. As soon as I saw him, it was as if a primal force within me awakened. I stood in front of him like a fury and screamed at the top of my lungs, "What have I done to you? How could you do this to me?" My entire body ached, and I felt dizzy. Was that my voice? Where did this strength come from? From me?

He seemed completely shocked and stopped abruptly. Then he almost hissed, as if that hoarse voice came from somewhere entirely different, "I knew that if anyone was going to figure it out, it would be you." He then handed me the key, turned on his heel, and walked away. As his back grew smaller on the street where we stood, I jumped into the car and cried uncontrollably - out of sadness, fear, relief, betrayal, pain, and a profound sense of deception. I felt insignificant, unloved, powerless, and diminished.

The next day, his father told me that he had tried to commit suicide. I read the text message and thought, "Another game for the galleries."

Tell us about a pivotal moment in your life that brought you to where you are today.

My life changed in an instant after I emerged from the destructive relationship. I was told that I didn't eat or sleep for seven days; I only drank water. That entire time feels like a fog, akin to a bad nightmare. However, I remember clearly when I finally fell asleep, though I have no idea how long I slept.

When I woke up, the first thing I saw was a picture of my children, followed by the sight of my mother, who had been watching over me. We hadn't met for 2.5 years because he had separated me from my family, claiming they were all wrong. Yet she didn't hesitate to come to my side when I called her during this extreme time.

At that very low point in my life, I made a decision: I would live one second at a time and strive to be fully present, even in my darkest moments. I also recognized that I needed to seek professional help. I kept that promise to myself.

How did working with horses become such a vital part of your healing process?

My best friend Mats, who stood by my side throughout the entire healing process, declared his love for me in front of the Nidaros Dome in Trondheim in the summer of 2010. I decided to leave my well-paid job in Stockholm, the capital of Sweden, to pursue my childhood dream, a dream that he shared: to someday work with and help horses and people through our shared experiences.

In 2011, we began assisting horses with mental and physical traumas, or as society often labels them, horses with "behavior problems." As I tried to understand their behaviors from an outside perspective, I realized they were no different from myself. We could not heal their physical traumas without first addressing the mental ones. Our work focused on identifying the root causes of their issues. In cases where we couldn't pinpoint the root cause, we aimed to replace their negative experiences with positive ones through reward-based training methods.

In our efforts to help these horses, we learned all about herd language: how they communicated with one another, what made them upset, and what made them happy. We explored the triggers for their behaviors and came to a probable conclusion for healing their mental traumas. The process also healed us, making us realize that, for example, back pain could be linked to unresolved feelings surrounding family, security, and money.

What role did self-compassion play in rebuilding your identity?

After leaving the toxic relationship, I received professional help through my job and began seeing a psychologist once a week. Initially, I held very strong beliefs about psychologists, and during our first session, I sat quietly with my arms crossed over my chest, saying, "You cannot help me." However, she was different; she managed to break through my defenses.

Through our sessions, I began to recognize patterns, family beliefs, and low self-esteem that had brought me to this point in my life. Most of these patterns and beliefs were inherited, and my low self-esteem stemmed from early experiences in which my heightened sensitivity was not accepted by my family or society. I had many suppressed emotions that needed to be brought to light, and I often felt guilt and shame. I was very harsh on myself.

The work we did with traumatized horses taught me about self-compassion and connection. In a herd of horses, everyone works for the benefit of the herd rather than for individual ego. They taught me self-kindness: warm and understanding toward oneself rather than harshly critical by showing me acceptance of what is and who we are. They instilled in me the importance of acknowledgment: recognizing that everyone goes through challenges, which fosters connection with others rather than isolation. When one member of the horse herd is injured, they protect that individual.

They also taught me mindfulness: maintaining a balanced awareness of one's thoughts and feelings without suppressing or exaggerating them. The practice of being kind and understanding toward oneself in times of difficulty or suffering involves recognizing that imperfections and struggles are a shared part of the human experience. I don't believe I would have reached this conclusion without studying the horses.

What common patterns do you see in the people you help at The Horse Sanctuary?

Visitors to the Sanctuary often experience severe physical symptoms, such as those associated with exhaustion syndrome, and may struggle with recurrent, unwanted memories of traumatic events, including flashbacks and nightmares, as seen in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

The horses at the Sanctuary tend to be drawn to individuals facing similar challenges to those they have recently overcome. These horses often resonate with the calming presence of the visitors, providing comfort and support during difficult times.

How do you help someone shift their perspective after experiencing deep trauma?

Establish a supportive and non-judgmental environment where the individual feels safe to share their experiences and feelings. This sense of safety is crucial for exploring difficult emotions and thoughts associated with trauma. Genuinely listening to an individual's story and validating their feelings helps them feel heard and understood. This validation can be an essential step in processing trauma and moving forward.

To help the client recognize and challenge limiting beliefs that may have formed as a result of trauma. By examining these beliefs, clients can begin to see how these assumptions may be affecting their current lives and decisions. Reframe their traumatic experiences. Rather than viewing the trauma solely as a negative, I may encourage them to see what they have learned or how they have grown, promoting a more empowering narrative.

To set realistic, achievable goals that focus on personal growth and healing. This forward-thinking approach can help shift focus away from the trauma and instead concentrate on positive actions and outcomes. Provide tools and techniques for managing stress and anxiety, such as mindfulness practices, relaxation techniques, or breathing exercises. Developing these coping strategies can empower individuals to face triggers more effectively. Here, the horses play a significant role.

Promote self-compassion by encouraging them to be kinder to themselves. This can be particularly important for those who may feel shame or guilt related to their trauma. Focus on building resilience by helping them to develop skills to navigate future challenges. This involves fostering a growth mindset and encouraging the belief that they can overcome difficulties.

Building resilience by helping them develop skills to navigate future challenges. All the tools I use in coaching are ones I have personally utilized for my healing.

If you could change one thing about your industry, what would it be and why?

The horse industry, in general, tends to view horses more as tools for personal achievement rather than as individuals. Horses have a significant need for social contact with other horses, the ability to move freely in all gaits within large pastures, and unrestricted access to roughage in the form of grass, hay, and/or straw.

They should be able to express their feelings, set boundaries, and say no. When we shift our focus from seeing them solely as instruments for our achievements to recognizing them as individuals capable of helping heal people with their unique qualities, we can achieve a paradigm shift.

The coaching industry is predominantly male-dominated, and I believe that increasing the number of female coaches will bring a new sense of wholeness to the field. This shift can encourage everyone, including men, to connect with their hearts and emphasize the importance of balancing masculine and feminine energies.

Feminine energy is closely linked to intuition, emotional intelligence, and inner knowing, encouraging individuals to trust their instincts and gut feelings. It embodies qualities such as compassion, empathy, gentleness, and the ability to nurture others, fostering deep connections and meaningful relationships.

While masculine energy often emphasizes competition and achievement, divine feminine energy promotes collaboration, harmony, and community. Additionally, feminine energy is often associated with the Earth, the cycles of nature, and the rhythms of life. By daring to honor the balance between the masculine and feminine, we can highlight the interconnectedness of all beings and cultivate a more harmonious coaching environment.

What is your next goal or project?

The ultimate goal is to build a larger horse sanctuary to help more horses and people heal one another. We aim to create an internationally recognized educational and recreational center, a safe place where everyone is loved and accepted just as they are. There is life beyond performance, whether you are a horse or a human, and healing is possible. Both the horses and I are living proof of that.

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