From People Pleasing To Purpose Pleasing – The Power Of Internal Validation
Dr. Tomi Mitchell, MD is a leader in the health & wellness industry, known for her advocacy for social issues, including health reform. She believes in the whole person's approach to life and health. Rather than resorting to quick fixes, she gets to the root of problems by taking the time to understand her client's emotional, physical, mental, environmental, financial, spiritual and social health.
A powerful transformation occurs when you stop seeking validation from others and start drawing it from within. Life takes on a deeper, more fulfilling meaning when you realize that your worth and pursuing your dreams do not depend on anyone else’s opinion. When you shift from seeking external validation to internal validation, you gain a sense of peace, confidence, and purpose that many people chase but never find.
I’ve been there myself. I remember how much the harsh words of others affected me, especially people who hadn’t been through what I had. Their judgments would dampen my enthusiasm and chip away at my confidence. But with time, I grew a thicker skin. I began to see that those quick to criticize often hadn’t taken the risks I was taking or faced the challenges I was striving to overcome. Their negativity came from insecurity, not wisdom.
Understanding the source of criticism
One of the most freeing realizations is understanding why people criticize in the first place. Studies show that individuals who engage in harsh, unhelpful criticism often project their own unhappiness. Research suggests that people with low self-esteem are more likely to criticize or belittle others to boost their own self-worth.
These are not the people you should look to for guidance or validation. They don’t know your journey, your struggles, or your vision. When you stop seeking approval from those who haven’t walked your path, you free yourself from their negativity, and that opens up space for you to focus on what matters—your goals, your purpose, and what truly makes you fulfilled.
Moving from people pleasing to purpose pleasing
It’s tempting to want validation from others, especially in today’s world, where social media amplifies the value of likes, shares, and recognition. But living for the approval of others keeps you at the mercy of their ever-changing opinions. The moment you begin to rely on your own inner validation, you become anchored—your sense of worth stops swaying with the tides of outside opinions.
That’s why I encourage you to move away from people-pleasing and instead focus on "purpose-pleasing." This means aligning your energy with meaningful goals that reflect who you indeed are. It’s not just about achieving success for the sake of it, but about making sure your actions resonate with your deepest values and aspirations.
Interestingly, statistics show that only about 3% of the population set goals, and only around 1% actually write them down. Even fewer consistently work toward achieving them. You’re already part of this small, elite group by being a goal-setter. You’re focusing on what matters, tuning out distractions and staying committed to your path.
Building resilience through self-compassion
One critical step in moving from people-pleasing to purpose-pleasing is developing self-compassion. When negativity or criticism comes your way, treating yourself with kindness and understanding is crucial. Remember, you are a work in progress, just like everyone else. Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, has shown that practicing self-compassion can reduce stress and boost emotional resilience. It helps you recover from negativity with more ease and grace.
Instead of allowing harsh feedback to derail you, make a point to celebrate your victories, no matter how small. When you take time to recognize your progress, the voices of naysayers grow quieter, and the voice that truly matters—your own—becomes more precise and stronger.
Surrounding yourself with the right people
As you focus inward and build resilience, it becomes clear that not everyone deserves a place in your life. People who constantly criticize often project their dissatisfaction. They aren’t your people. Your people encourage your growth, support your journey, and offer constructive feedback from a place of care, not malice.
As you grow into your purpose, you’ll see that not everyone deserves a seat at your table. The people who tear others down are often struggling with their issues. They aren’t the ones you want in your corner. The people you want to keep close to are the ones who lift you, support your growth, and offer feedback that’s meant to help, not harm.
Conclusion: Focus on your goals, not their opinions
Life becomes more fulfilling when you stop seeking external validation and trust your inner voice. The shift from people-pleasing to purpose-pleasing isn’t just empowering—it’s transformative. You’ll discover that your goals and your purpose are far more critical than fleeting opinions or temporary judgments. You become unstoppable when you focus on your journey and stop being distracted by what others think.
Remember, you’re part of the elite 3% who set and work toward goals. Don’t let the noise of others derail your path. Your life, purpose, and achievements are more meaningful than anyone else’s judgment. Keep moving forward confidently, knowing that the most important validation comes from within.
Dr. Tomi Mitchell, Holistic Wellness Strategist & Burnout Coach
Dr. Tomi Mitchell, MD is a leader in the health & wellness industry, known for her advocacy for social issues, including health reform. She believes in the whole person's approach to life and health. Rather than resorting to quick fixes, she gets to the root of problems by taking the time to understand her client's emotional, physical, mental, environmental, financial, spiritual and social health. She believes these factors affect individuals' behaviors and beliefs about themselves and others. Dr. Tomi Mitchell believes that people feel lost or overwhelmed when there is a loss of balance – which is why she takes such a holistic approach with each client's situation.
