Written by: Judit Végh, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The life of a trailing spouse often conjures an image of days filled with gym sessions, shopping excursions, coffee meetups, and leisurely lunches with friends. A dedicated helper efficiently manages household chores while children attend prestigious international schools. The allure of exploring new and exciting places becomes a daily routine. It presents a glamorous picture, especially for those yet to embark on this unique journey. However, beneath this glossy surface lies a far more complex reality.
Each trailing spouse weaves a distinctive thread in the grand tapestry of expatriate life, contributing to the vibrant and diverse community that characterises the expat world. This journey is not merely about adaptation; it's a story of growth, empowerment, and resilience. It's about embracing the evolving play of identities and celebrating the multifaceted individual they've become.
1. Changing family roles in the world of expatriates
In recent years, the landscape of expatriate assignments has evolved significantly, with a growing emphasis on the well-being and dynamics of families during these journeys.
In the past, academic research barely scratched the surface when it came to understanding the dynamics of family life during expatriate assignments. Organisations primarily focused on the advantages gained from temporarily relocating employees, often leaving families behind in familiar surroundings. However, times have changed. An increased awareness of employee well-being, productivity, and family support programs has reshaped the landscape. Organisations now realise the importance of families staying together during these adventures, understanding that their employees’ success depends on their family's successful adaptation. Researchers and organisations are now actively exploring how trailing spouses adapt to their new situations, how children navigate atypical socialisation, what skills they acquire, and how the entire family can best be supported in their continuous translocation.
2. The journey of transformation
Picture the typical expatriate family scenario: the decision to seize a new opportunity culminates in relocating to a foreign land. Initially, it feels like a honeymoon, brimming with excitement and novelty. However, at the same time, the family also grapples with a multitude of changes, from finding schools and groceries to medical care and service providers, all while establishing a reliable social network in the new location. Amidst the chaos, their identities undergo a transformation marked by anticipation and occasional overwhelm. The tension of immersing oneself in a new country, continent, and culture is undeniable, and the weight of adaptation's realities soon sets in.
This transition is a profound voyage of self-discovery, where one must juggle multiple roles – from efficiently managing a family to navigating a foreign social landscape.
Once firmly in control, the experience-seeker's identity contends with the identity that fears loss and seeks protection. New responsibilities take precedence, sapping excess energy and attention. Yet, as the family navigates this transition, uncertainties abound, and questions arise: Did we make the right choice? Did we choose wisely? Is this the right home, the right school? Nevertheless, amidst the chaos, the family eventually settles into their new reality, marking the beginning of their authentic identity journey.
3. Navigating expectations and self-identity
As expatriate families settle into their new lives abroad, trailing spouses often operate silently in the background, ensuring their partner and children adapt seamlessly. This role, although undefined, becomes an integral, albeit unnoticed, part of their identity. External expectations from both broader and narrower environments loom large. The belief persists that expatriate families enjoying a comfortable lifestyle should portray an image of perfect order, happiness, and joy, regardless of their challenges. This expectation emanates from their extended social network, family, and even their new expatriate community. As they navigate the complexities of self-identity and external expectations, these themes extend into their interactions within the expatriate community, thus shaping the dynamics they encounter in their new social environment.
Self-discovery questions
How have societal and cultural expectations influenced your expatriate experience? Both from your existing and your new social environment?
How have you navigated the balance between expectations and your personal well-being?
4. The dynamics of family and social adaptation
At home, issues and challenges are sometimes swept under the rug to maintain family harmony. While this approach can be helpful in immediately overcoming challenges, it may also signify higher stress levels and a fragile coping mechanism in the long term. Unresolved issues can accumulate and strain family dynamics over time.
Externally, family members work diligently towards fitting in at work, school, and in new social environments. This process involves adapting to local customs, learning new languages, and understanding the nuances of a different culture. It can be a rewarding experience that fosters personal growth. Still, it also presents its own challenges as family members navigate the complexities of integration and acceptance within the expatriate community.
Self-discovery questions
How has your family addressed internal challenges and conflicts while adapting to a new culture?
What strategies have you employed to build meaningful connections within the expatriate community?
5. The expat bubble
For trailing spouses, the expatriate bubble often serves as their primary social environment, where they encounter diverse categories that shape their identities within this intricate web of relationships. The term 'Expat Bubble' is frequently used to describe the distinct social ecosystem in which many trailing spouses and expatriate families find themselves when living abroad.
Creating new relationships within this bubble often entails stepping out of one's comfort zone. It involves the courage to initiate conversations with strangers, actively participate in social gatherings, and master the delicate art of forming new friendships. These experiences not only enrich but also mould a unique identity for trailing spouses—one characterised by adaptability and open-mindedness.
One of the most rewarding aspects of being a trailing spouse is connecting with others on a similar path. Bonds naturally form with individuals from diverse backgrounds, united by the common thread of international relocation. These connections offer invaluable support and a profound sense of belonging, especially in an unfamiliar setting.
Although the expatriate bubble may initially appear homogenous, it soon reveals diverse dynamics within various subgroups, each presenting unique challenges and opportunities. These identities often revolve around factors like nationality, national hierarchy, conformity, adaptation differences, or apparent integration, significantly influencing the adaptation process.
Self-discovery questions
What aspects of expatriate groups have you found most supportive and challenging in your adaptation process?
How have your connections with fellow expats enriched your expatriate experience?
6. The complex journey of trailing spouses
The journey of a trailing spouse in the world of expatriate life is a multifaceted narrative marked by the continuous evolution of identities, both within and outside the family. Understanding and acknowledging these dynamics is vital for a successful expatriate experience. Trailing spouses must adeptly navigate this intricate web of identities, each contributing to their adaptation to their new lives.
This journey is unique and brimming with growth opportunities. Beyond the roles they assume in their family and social circles, there's an opportunity to find and amplify their own voice. Whether pursuing a personal passion, engaging in community initiatives, or furthering their education, this journey can be a catalyst for self-discovery and personal growth.
Ultimately, the journey of a trailing spouse is an adventure—an exploration of new external and internal horizons. It's a chapter in their life where they play multiple roles, adapt to diverse environments, and delve deep into their identity.
Self-discovery questions
What initial challenges did you face as you began your expatriate journey? How did you feel about them?
How has your perception of your identity evolved as you adapted to a new culture and environment? How did you feel about it?
7. Conclusion
In the end, the expatriate journey is not just about discovering new places but also about learning about oneself. Trailing spouses embark on an adventure that transcends borders and cultures—a journey that continuously unfolds with each interaction, each challenge, and each moment.
Key takeaways
Expatriate life is a multifaceted experience, often challenging the glamorous exterior it presents.
Trailing spouses contribute significantly to the diverse expat community, showcasing growth, empowerment, and resilience.
Trailing spouses often operate silently in the background, dealing with external expectations and complex self-identity.
The expatriate bubble offers unique challenges and opportunities for forging connections and adapting to new social environments.
As a trailing spouse, embrace your unique narrative and celebrate the extraordinary tapestry of identities you weave. Your strength and resilience shine through your evolving roles in your family and social circles. Your ability to adapt and evolve is a testament to your inner power. As you navigate this intricate tapestry of experiences, remember that you have the agency to shape your own narrative.
So, to all the trailing spouses setting out on this remarkable adventure, may you continue to embrace change, both within and outside you, and may your journey demonstrate your resilience and adaptability.
Judit Végh, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Intercultural Psychologist & Global Family Consultant Judit Végh, Founder of Intercultural Life, is a recognized expert in Intercultural Psychology. With a focus on global family life, acculturation, relationship dynamics, change management, and career planning in global family settings, Judit brings over a decade of knowledge and expertise to her work. Her personal experiences have driven her passion for supporting transnational families and providing exceptional support to her clients.
Judit's experience also includes a decade in HR and ongoing work as a career education consultant for an edtech startup. This diverse background has given her a unique perspective on global family life and a deep understanding of the challenges faced by transnational families.
She is also a PhD candidate in Psychology, having conducted extensive research on global family life published in high-ranking journals such as Thunder Business Review and Journal of Global Mobility. Judit is co-founder and board member of SIETAR Southeast Asia, a society for intercultural education, training, and research, and a member of several international professional organizations, including the Asian Association of Social Psychology, International Association for Cross-Cultural Psychology, Hungarian Psychological Association, Mobile Professionals and Families, Families in Global Transition, and World Council on Intercultural and Global Competence. Her expertise and dedication to her work have made her a regular presenter at scientific conferences.
