Written by Mark W. Guay, Men's Coach
Mark Guay is an Integral Certified Coach and IFS practitioner. He is the founder of Fathers Without Compromise, a group coaching program and community for business-owning dads to be great fathers and build a great business without compromising one or the other.
Navigating a toxic work environment can feel like being trapped in quicksand. It pulls you down, sapping your energy and enthusiasm. This was my reality until I decided to take control and confront some hard truths about myself and my surroundings. Here’s how I turned the tide and found a healthier, more fulfilling career.
Facing the tough questions
I started by asking myself some crucial questions:
What exactly made this place feel so toxic, and how did my behavior contribute?
How did it mess with my head and my work?
Where did I push through my boundaries and ignore red flags?
These questions led me to a deeper understanding of the situation. I identified how different parts of myself were taking a beating. My protective instincts pushed me to overwork while my vulnerable side shut down. Recognizing these internal dynamics was key to processing and learning from the chaos.
Internal family systems: A deeper understanding
To better navigate this internal conflict, I turned to Dr. Richard Schwartz's research and his Internal Family Systems (IFS) model. IFS helped me understand that our psyche is composed of various "parts"—each with its own perspectives, intentions, and memories. In a toxic work environment, my protective parts were on high alert, driving me to overwork to shield myself from perceived threats. Meanwhile, my more vulnerable parts retreated, shutting down to avoid further harm.
Understanding this internal family of parts allowed me to see how my behaviors were both coping mechanisms and signals for deeper healing that needed attention and would lead to profound personal growth. By acknowledging and addressing these parts with compassion and curiosity, I began to heal and regain a sense of internal harmony.
Leaning on support systems
No one climbs out of a pit alone. I leaned heavily on trusted colleagues, mentors, and a professional coach who offered the support and perspective I desperately needed. Their guidance and empathy were my lifeline, helping me navigate the turmoil and regain my footing.
This is one of the reasons I created Fathers Without Compromise, a community of dedicated dads focused on building a business and being a present father without compromising one or the other.
Realigning with core values
A toxic job can throw you off course. I took a hard look at my core values and career goals:
What do I really want from my career?
What kind of environment helps me thrive?
How can I ensure my next role aligns with my values?
This reflection helped me clarify my career aspirations and the work environment where I could flourish.
Values shape our worth and guide our decisions. They are rooted in influences like family, friends, education, religion, media, role models, and culture. These core beliefs, formed early on and evolved, are crucial to who we are, personally and professionally. An important distinction to keep in mind is the separation between the values we believe in and the values that we actually act on (i.e., our behaviors). In other words, are you aligning your beliefs with your behaviors?
How in alignment are you? Here is a values alignment exercise to check out.
Prioritizing self-care
I made self-care a top priority, and establishing healthy routines was crucial. I invested in an ice bath and infrared sauna and dove back into meditation and yoga. Practices like breathwork and psychedelic integration brought me perspective, insight, and relaxation.
Understanding the impact of a toxic workplace
A toxic work environment can shred your confidence, even if you’re a high-performing adult. I learned that these environments often mirror unresolved childhood issues, causing us to regress into a contracted state. IFS taught me that these regressions are normal reactions to stress and trauma, providing valuable insight into our inner workings.
Planning the exit and recovery
If you’re still in a toxic environment, plan your exit strategy carefully. Allow yourself a recovery period before jumping into a new role. Reflect on past successes and the skills that made you a high-performing leader. Seek out partners who align with your strengths and passions, and celebrate every achievement, no matter how small, to reinforce your capabilities.
Moving forward with strength
Use the lessons from your toxic work experience to develop stronger boundaries and better coping strategies. Learn to spot red flags early and trust your instincts. Adapt your leadership style to create a healthier, more supportive work environment for yourself and your team.
Recovery isn’t just for addicts. It’s a cocoon—a rebirthing, a recalibration. By reclaiming your power and focusing on growth, you heal from past experiences and pave the way for a more fulfilling and successful career. Connect deeply with people who embody your values, and you’ll emerge more resilient than ever.
The journey from a toxic workplace to personal and professional growth is challenging but immensely rewarding. Understanding your internal dynamics through models like IFS, seeking support, and realigning with your core values can transform a negative experience into a powerful catalyst for growth. Embrace your recovery cocoon, and emerge with renewed strength, ready to build a career and life that truly reflect your values and aspirations.
Follow me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website!
Read more from Mark W. Guay
Mark W. Guay, Men's Coach
Mark Guay is an Integral Certified Coach and IFS practitioner. He is the founder of Fathers Without Compromise, a group coaching program and community for business-owning dads to be great fathers and build a great business without compromising one or the other. As an adoptee and survivor of childhood domestic violence, he leads with this approach: To really change our lives, we must heal the past and embrace the unknown. To do this, we need self-accountability, the courage to take decisive action, a community of support, and trust that doors will appear, leading us on our path.
