Written by: Dr. Tonia Winchester, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I love telling client stories because they illuminate common human concerns and challenges. We see ourselves in the stories of our fellows and as a result we learn deeply about ourselves. This one particular client came to me with hip and neck pain. She had been in several accidents and sustained several injuries over the years through the sports and activities she engaged in.
She suspected that when she ate sugar, it aggravated her pain levels. it seemed to inflame her like it does most people. Early on in her brain-based coaching breakthrough, she recounted details of her weekend, sharing how she and her partner had the same fight that they’d had a million times before. Shortly after that, she “found” herself eating an entire bag of candy.
Just before diving into the bag, she said to herself, “Whatever, I don't care,” Convincing herself that eating the sugar wasn’t such a big deal. She even tipped the bag upside down to pour every last grain of sugar into her mouth.
I asked her, “When you say that, who are you referring to? Who don’t you care about?”
Pause.
She looks down at her fidgeting hands on her lap. She’s feeling something. Avoiding something. She finally looks back up and makes eye contact.
“Me. I guess.”
“And when you’re not caring about yourself, what are you doing instead?”
“Sabotaging myself.”
“How does not caring about and sabotaging yourself help you?”
Another pause.
“It’s less risky. There is less skin in the game. If I don’t prioritize caring about myself, I don’t have to be disappointed. I can reject myself before others have a chance to not care about me.”
She had created – unconsciously, of course – a perfect strategy to protect herself emotionally.
And while this strategy was originally helpful when she first created it, over time, it became the opposite and was causing harm, both emotionally and physically. It was no longer helping her get what she wanted and in fact, was hindering it.
After a few more coaching questions, we identified a root cause limiting the decision: I’m not valuable. This was a core unconscious statement that, at some point in her life, she decided to believe.
Believing that statement unconditionally caused the trigger of her fighting with her boyfriend to lead her to “find” herself in the behaviour of consuming copious amounts of sugar.
I put “found” and “find” in quotes because until this session, this behavior was completely below the level of her conscious awareness. We were able to bring it to light and the clue to this pattern was when she said, “Whatever, I don’t care.”
As a Timeline Therapy™ Master practitioner, I guided her through the process to clear that limiting decision which created a new neurological strategy for her.
She told me at our next session that she went cold turkey off sugar. Even when tense conversations happened around the home, she wasn’t even tempted to have sugar or candy.
For the first time in years, she was sleeping through the night because her body wasn’t inflamed or in pain anymore. Partly because we removed the driver of sugar consumption and partly because she unconsciously reconnected to her own inherent value and which reminded her body that it could heal. That it was valuable enough to do so.
Her new behavior of choosing better strategies matched her new belief system of self-worth. She no longer needed to sabotage herself to match her old belief and she was finally able to care for herself. She realized she could extract all the sweetness she needed from within her. Okay, that was a bit corny (or maybe I should say candy corny), but it’s true.
What does this story mean for you?
Well, if you’re like most people, you probably have some habits that you know aren’t good for you and what you want to create in your life. The way out of those bad habits is to first pay attention to them and get curious.
Step 1: Slow down and check in; reverse engineer the strategy
Notice what you’re feeling emotionally just before you do the behavior or habit. And just before you feel that emotion, what is going on around you? What are you thinking inside your head?
Step 2: Confirm by playing it through slowly
What is the trigger? Is it something you see? Hear? Feel in your environment? What thought does that cause? What emotion does that thought lead to? And what behavior does this pattern result in? This is your strategy. It starts with something you observe or sense from the outside, which translates into a thought, which creates a feeling, which drives the behavior.
Step 3: Find the unconscious driver
Ask yourself now: in order for the strategy to play out from trigger to behavior, what would you have to believe about yourself? This is the root cause, limiting belief that is driving the behavior.
Step 4: Challenge the driver
Now that you know your limiting belief start to challenge it. Ask yourself to list three examples of when the opposite is true. If you believed that instead, how would your behaviors change? What benefit would come as a result? Start to imagine your future with the new helpful beliefs and behaviors in place.
This might be enough for some people to transform, all on their own. And others need coaching and that’s exactly what I do. I help people to change deep unconscious limiting beliefs into positive ones so that they can change their behaviors and create new positive results in their lives.
If you want to learn more I suggest checking out my book: Smiling in the Shower: The Simple Swift Way to Break Through Burnout and Create Happy Energized Days which you can find over at toniawinchester.com.
May you choose to make all your dreams come true,
Dr. Tonia Winchester, ND, NLP
Dr. Tonia Winchester, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Tonia has been practicing as a Naturopathic Doctor since 2007. With contemporary neurological reprogramming techniques, she helps women overcome burnout, stress, anxiety, and fatigue. Essentially she helps them calm their minds, sleep deeply, and find joy and energy in their lives again. Guiding clients through a "Breakthrough" process, they recode their unconscious minds for change, self-care, and success, priming them to create new, healthy, sustainable habits. Dr. Tonia has been featured on CTV, the Costco Connection, The Elephant Journal, Conscious Nutrition, The Autoimmune Simplified Podcast, and the New Generation Entrepreneur Podcast. Ultimately she helps everyday people create exceptional lives for themselves and their communities. To learn more about her brain-based coaching breakthroughs, head on over here!
