Written by: Dr. Raman K Attri, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you been hit by any disabilities – emotional, mental, physical, or otherwise? In those moments of adversity, you may feel as if you are undesirable. How do you transform this disability into something that others are envious of? How do you bring that state of desirability into your life?
I am disabled for life. Before I was old enough to walk, I lost my ability to do so. I contracted polio when I was six months old because of polio. One of my legs got paralyzed. I was left to live with that permanent disability for life. The first two decades of my life were miserable. I could merely crawl on the floor or use walking aids to get some mobility. There were very slim chances that I could make it to even primary school.
Despite that, now I am a recognized world achiever, a performance scientist, and a training thought leader for a Fortune 500 company. I have been fortunate enough to earn 2 doctorates, over 100 international credentials, author 23 books, and be one among frontier specialists on speed in learning and performance. I teach organizations and professionals to walk faster in whatever they do, even though I still can’t walk.
Such a drastic transformation would not have been possible if I had not shifted my mindset to transform my disability into desirability. That was when I could leverage every single opportunity it offered me.
I would like to give five pieces of advice to people with disabilities. These are probably applicable not only to people with actual physical disabilities but also to those with perceived disabilities which they have formed in their minds.
1. Strive for true acceptance
No matter the crisis or its after-effects, we must accept the limitations imposed by our crisis wholeheartedly. Unless we accept, we cannot move forward. I realize that true acceptance is very difficult, as it takes a long time and it comes slowly. I understood that there are three indications that you have attained true acceptance. One, when you assume your disability as part of you, that defines you. Two, when you feel the strong self-belief that it will not stop you, rather it will push you forward. Three, when you think of it as your differentiator over others.
I lived in self-denial for years. I hated myself when I looked at myself in the mirror. I tricked myself by saying “I tried my best; now this is the way it is. I accept it,” but still kept sulking over it. It’s not true acceptance, it’s a compromise. One day, I understood that my disability is an inseparable part of my personality. From that moment onwards, my life changed for good as I was ready to move on and make the best use of my disability. True acceptance gives us that strength when we take it as part of our personality.
When I got that self-belief, I began to leverage my immobility. Instead, I used it to learn many things with no distractions. It was not there to limit me, but to push me forward. True acceptance gives you that strong self-belief that your crisis, adversity, challenge, or limitation is not there to restrict you.
I never mentioned my disability ever in any profile or resume. But the moment I recognized it as my x-factor, I got several amazing opportunities (such as an invite for a TEDx speech). True acceptance allows you to view your challenges, limitations, weaknesses, or disabilities as your unique selling point, differentiators or x-factors.
2. Not all walls are real; some are made up in your mind
When I watched other kids playing all day long, some voices inside me constantly told me that I was not good enough and would always be left behind. Eventually, I believed that self-talk and started to label myself as a social reject. I went into my shell of sadness, introversion, and shyness. Result? I indeed became socially isolated because I believed it was real. On the surface, one may think my phy,sical disability triggered this social isolation. But the real culprit was emotionally, mentally, and psychologically telling myself victim stories of helplessness.
I figured that even if you have exceptional skills, achievements, and capabilities, these negative self-talks create much more damaging self-imposed limits, limiting self-beliefs or limited mindsets in no time. Those are things that pull you back, not your disability, per se. The problem is that the real, physical limitations, like I could not walk, one can accept, sooner or later. But, more often, we don't even know these perceived, unreal limitations are sabotaging us until it is too late.
I learned it the hard way that the walls of limitations that appear to restrict us or prevent us from doing something may not always be real. In most cases, those could be perceived or unreal. But the problem becomes worse when we take out that big hammer and invest all our energy trying to break down that wall. But we don’t spend enough time understanding the nature and composition of the wall. How do we win a war if we don’t know our opponent well? Perhaps the hammer is not right. Maybe we are breaking the wrong wall.
So, assess ‒ What is really limiting you in any manner? Is it even real? Or just perceived in your mind? How are you reinforcing those negative self-beliefs or perceived limitations? And then think of breaking the correct wall, which is indeed limiting you.
3. Determine what’s beyond the wall that you want so badly
In 8th grade, I happened to read the biography of Isaac Newton – a highly regarded scientist. He was disabled, too. He suffered from stuttering, epilepsy, and autism. Despite that, he discovered the most foundational laws in physics.
That day, I decided that I want to be a scientist. I saw that as a way to prove myself. At the age of 20, I went on to become an electronic engineer. And less than a year later, I became a scientist. The real thing I wanted beyond that wall of my disability was for people to know me either for “more” or for “differentiating” capabilities and not disabilities. That’s what motivated me to do “more” things, ultimately leading to a long list of credentials. If I look back and ask, did my immobility – a real limitation ‒ come in the way of reaching that goal? The answer is no, it did not. Perhaps it helped me in a way.
That’s how I learned that if you are clear about what’s on the other side of the wall you want, you would know if you need to overcome your limitation, if you really need to break that wall, or if you just need to take route in which your limitation may not even matter.
Therefore, before dealing with the wall, an important question to answer is to find out what exactly is on the other side of the wall that you want so much and if it is worth seeking. If your walls are not preventing you from reaching where you want to go, then investing your energy in trying to break it is a moot point. Once you are clear about it, you will find routes to reach there and may not necessarily break into the wall to go there.
4. If there are walls, there are windows too
While watching the kids in my neighborhood playing all day long, I used to feel bad. But then I began to ask myself if there were things I could do better just because of my lack of mobility, lack of social interactions, and confinement to my bedroom. Yeah, there were. I found that I could sit for hours non-stop. All that gave me plenty of time at my disposal, free of social distractions or other interruptions. Those were uncommon leverages for me as a kid.
I immersed myself in reading and learning from whatever books I could find. I tried reading books on English, science, arts, psychology, philosophy, and even palmistry. There were no boundaries for me. I tried painting and arts with my healthy hands. Social isolation also gave me an unobstructed opportunity to daydream, imagine vividly, and think creatively. All of it developed me into an excellent writer while other kids were struggling to write essays.
The immobility that I was cursing so badly seemed like my thing now. A simple thought changed the course of my life – if I can’t walk or play, what else could I do? That question opened up my world of leverages that most people would ignore. I saw so many windows of opportunities, leverages, and advantages.
Our struggles become miserable only when we ignore to spot windows of opportunities that are opened up right amidst those walls in front of us. No matter how difficult the situation is, I believe there is always some leverage available to every one of us. With this simple shift, we would find that we don’t always have to break the walls. I believe windows could be right through them, which could allow you to reach out to the world beyond and transform your adversities into advantages.
5. Seek clarity, not motivation or inspiration - Become an Achiever
Momentarily charged with inspirational quotes, some of you might chase for that motivational ‘I can do it feeling,’ hoping it could get you out of the crisis or challenge you to face. It is debatable how much motivation or inspiration can push forward. But the feeling of motivation or inspiration is short-lived.
Instead, all you ever need is clarity – clarity about your limitations and your directions. Clarity is the new superpower. Once you have that clarity, you don’t need motivation, you don’t need inspiration, and you most definitely don’t need any superpowers. So, seek clarity.
I hope with the above tips, disabled people or those who have a feeling of being limited could see the world from a different perspective. You may watch this video for a quick summary of these five things.
Dr. Raman K Attri, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Raman K Attri is a performance scientist and the world’s leading authority on the science of speed in professional learning and performance. Undeterred by his permanent disability since childhood, he transformed his inability to walk into his niche expertise to teach others how to walk faster in their professional world. Equipped with over two decades of vast research and corporate experience, he guides leaders and professionals on proven strategies to shorten the time to proficiency of the workforce.
