Written by: Trea Tijmens, Senior Level Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Many singles ignore the obvious dating red flags only to realize later that they have made a mistake. Understanding the warning signs is key to finding the right person who’s ready for a serious relationship.
First date red flags – What to watch out for
Amanda was excited about her first date with Andreas. His profile pictures on a dating app showed an extremely good-looking gentleman in a business suit. He was charming and funny while chatting with her. To Amanda’s surprise, the man showed up to their very first date almost twenty minutes late without an apology, looking as if he had just finished a workout at the gym. She tried to dismiss her concerns, explaining to herself that he was probably busy and didn’t have time to go home and change or notify her he was running late. Soon enough she found out that Andreas was not quite the gentleman she had imagined…
Every single person should be hopeful and positive but not ignore obvious red flags during their first meetings with someone new. They can tell you a lot about your potential partner, their values, and motivations. And understanding them can save you a lot of time and heartbreak.
Know what you want first
When Amanda first met Andreas, she had made the mistake of ignoring the obvious red flags. She unconsciously ignored her gut feelings because her date was a very handsome man. But looks alone won’t get you far if you’re looking for a healthy relationship and a forever life partner. Before you agree to go on a date with anyone, you must be crystal clear about your dating goal. If you don’t know where you’re going you can end up anywhere … or nowhere.
Ask yourself what kind of partner you’re looking for:
What qualities he or she must have?
And what are your dealbreakers, the things you will never accept?
What are your (realistic!) expectations?
When you meet someone for a date, check if this person’s behavior matches your expectations or not.
Be Aware Of These Red Flags
In my over 18 years of experience as an elite matchmaker and dating expert I’ve seen and heard all kinds of dating red flags. Some are obvious, while others are more subtle. Here are some of the common red flags to watch out for:
Lies, lies, lies
If you come to a date expecting to see a tall man in his mid-30s and you meet a short man in his late 40s, something definitely isn’t right. Lying about your age, marital status, and other major facts, is a huge red flag. You want to start a long-term relationship with someone you can trust, don’t you?
A “maybe” attitude
If a woman or a man says in his or her dating app profile that they “don’t know” what they are looking for, believe them. Some singles are at a stage in life where they genuinely are not sure if they are open to a long-term relationship. Ask yourself, if you’re willing to give them a chance and wait until they have made up their mind. Some singles may not be willing to openly admit that all they want is to have some fun and hookups, so they would rather use a vague explanation of their intent.
Lack of respect
Some red flags are very obvious and clear. If someone is being rude, acting aggressively, or trying to pressure you into intimacy before you’re ready, it’s a no-go! If your date has had too much to drink on your first meeting, I would also be very careful. Yes, some people feel very nervous before their dates and think that a few glasses of wine will give them extra courage. Still, if you decide to continue and have a second date, be mindful of their drinking habits as they can tell you a lot about that person.
Being late is not fashionable
Maybe it’s very Swiss of me but showing up late to your date is a sign of lack of respect. If you’re stuck in traffic or your bus was canceled, make sure to let your companion know that you will arrive a few minutes later. By showing up on time you send a clear signal to the other person that they are important to you, that you’re serious about your partner search, and that they can count on you. And ladies, that concerns you too! There’s nothing fashionable about forcing a gentleman to wait for you.
Love bombing
Sometimes things that look too good to be true are just that – too good to be true. If the person you’ve just met (or even haven’t met them yet and you’re still just chatting) tells you you’re the love of their life, accept the compliment but keep your eyes open. This type of behaviour is called love bombing and may be a sign someone is a dating scammer or has some deep psychological issues.
Photo by Jenny Ueberberg on Unsplash
Look For Green Flags Too
One of my clients was very anxious about dating on an app. She watched the Tinder Swindler on Netflix and was expecting the worst from the experience. Before the first date with an interesting gentleman from Zurich, she said to me “I will be looking for red flags all the time.”
Keeping your feet on the floor and being reasonably cautious in dating is important but being hypervigilant is not. Don’t spend the whole lunch or evening trying to spot red flags. You see what you focus on so if you focus on red flags, you will find them. After your date, try to remember how you felt and what your partner had said. Make some notes of possible red flags you’ve noticed and try to verify them the next time you meet (if you choose to continue).
But, by all means, focus on the green flags without ignoring obvious red flags:
What do you share?
What qualities does he have?
Does she listen to you attentively?
Is he acting like a gentleman towards you and the service staff at the restaurant?
There are many signs that can tell that your date is authentically interested in you, and treats you with respect. Take note of these and show appreciation.
Get support in the dating world
The modern dating world is a true jungle. Dating in real life, dating apps – it’s easy to get lost. Still, it’s possible to find true love and happiness if you’re willing to learn how to date strategically.
I am here to help and guide you through that process. I’ve been a science-based dating coach for successful singles for the past 18 years and I know what you need to do to recognize the red flags and find the right person to build a beautiful life with. Message me today for a complimentary consultation and find out how I can help you find the right partner.
Trea Tijmens, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Trea Tijmens, the CEO of www.successmatch.ch, is an international elite matchmaker and award-winning dating expert and coach.
Trea believes that to love and be loved is a basic human need and that people do not thrive without love.
A former head-hunter, she founded SuccessMatch in 2005. Based in Switzerland, she works with local and international clientele and prides herself on her high success rate.
Trea is passionate about helping her highly international single professional clientele transition from where they are today to where they want to be; in a happy, fulfilling, lasting relationship with the right partner.
