Written by: Trea Tijmens, Senior Level Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Charlotte came to me for a consultation in her late 30s. Originally French, she has been living in Switzerland for over ten years. Like many of my clients she has built a successful career, but her personal life has been full of disappointments. Charlotte’s dream was to meet the right man to start a family with. She understood that if she wanted to have biological children, she needed to make partner search a priority.
What you’ll learn:
Finding love in your 30s is different than in your 20s because your priorities and social life change.
Many women think it’s impossible to find a man willing to build a committed relationship but that’s not true.
To meet the right person, you need to be clear about your dating goal.
With the help of a dating coach, you will stop sabotaging your dreams and succeed in finding love.
Charlotte realized that finding love in your 30s is not as easy as in your 20s. She was on dating apps but hardly ever dated. She met maybe two or three men per year, and it usually ended right where it began – after their first meeting. Something needed to change.
Dating In Your 30s Is Different
In my almost 18 years of matchmaking and dating coaching I have worked with and counseled thousands of women in their thirties. Smart, funny, outgoing, and attractive – most struggled to find the right man for a committed relationship. And many complained about the same things.
Finding A Man Who Wants to Commit
“If I tell him I want to get married and have kids on a first date, he’ll run away!”
“Men will think I’m desperate if I reveal my relationship goals on my dating app profile.”
As a dating coach I meet people who are serious about finding someone to share their life with. But many single women are afraid that if they reveal their true intentions, their matches will disappear.
And they are right (but only partially)! Yes, if you state clearly that you’re looking for a man who’s open to building a family and having children, you will scare some candidates off. But that’s a good thing! You don’t want to waste your time on the undecided, those who are looking for instant gratification or do not wish to commit.
Ending Up in Toxic Relationships
There is a recurring theme among clients who ask me about finding love in your 30s. Many of these women ended up single at 35 or later because they invested their precious time and energy in men who were “projects.”
We all make mistakes but when it comes to love, making a hard decision to leave a dysfunctional or even toxic relationship sooner than later, helps you make space for the man who will respect you, share your values, and have similar life goals.
In my dating coaching programs I teach my single clients to recognize red flags early in the dating process. So, while they will still occasionally meet the man who is not a candidate for a well-functioning relationship, they will be able to say their goodbyes instead of hoping he would change.
Mistaking Sex for Love
Modern women in their 30s are the first generation of truly sexually empowered females. In our Western society we have the right to intimate fulfillment, and birth control that allows us not to worry about unplanned consequences.
While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to become intimate with a man you recently met, opening that chapter too soon could easily backfire. My single female clients often confide in me that in the past, their relationships with guys they felt a lot of chemistry with early on weren’t going where they hoped it to go.
Clients in my program “Find Your Success Match” commit to not have sex before they know that their partner has the same relationship goal and all qualities they need to be happy and fulfilled in the long run, and no deal breakers.
How To Find Love in Your 30s
When you’re dating in your 30s and using dating apps to find matches, getting dates shouldn’t be a problem. There is a big enough pool of men to choose from but the key to succeeding is the quality of those connections. Here are some of the tips I share with my single clients:
Stay True to Your Goal
I always say that if you don’t know where you’re going, you may end up anywhere…and nowhere. You need to be completely honest with yourself and decide what you want. And if your dream is to get married, have two kids and a home, don’t censor yourself thinking it’s “too old-fashioned” or “men will be intimidated by this.”
Not all single women want to have a family, and some are open to being stepmoms or adopting in the future. But if you want to get pregnant and you’re nearing your 40s, don’t count on egg freezing, thinking you still have time.
Take action today because choosing a man for a serious relationship and building your life together up to the family stage may take a while. Get strategic about consciously and mindfully dating to maximize your chances of success.
Stop Sabotaging Your Dreams
Sometimes the biggest obstacle to finding love lies deep within yourself. You keep busy at work, hoping that dating and love would just happen. This is self-sabotage!
To increase your chances of meeting Mr. Right, you must start dating now, and do it frequently. Don’t count on that Cupid’s arrow to hit you at the supermarket. If your head is full of project items and key performance indicators, you wouldn’t even notice if Cupid himself stood in front of you, pointing you towards that nice man in the grocery aisle!
Make time for dating in your busy calendar. Be consistent with dating app usage and don’t get discouraged but learn from your experience instead. This is the best way towards finding love in your 30s.
Charlotte Got Engaged in Her Late 30s
After Charlotte signed up for my Find Your Success Match program, we completely transformed her dating app profile but, most of all, I helped her change her approach to dating. Before she wasn’t getting many dates because she was hesitant to meet someone in real life, already judging their qualities by their profile description and chat exchanges.
With my support she began dating frequently and consistently. After three months she already had two very interesting matches. After several more weeks she decided that one of those men was the perfect candidate. They have been together ever since. Not long after the end of the Group Coaching and Mentoring Program I got a message from her. Attached was a picture of a beautiful engagement ring!
The key to success in finding love in your 30s is not just “being on the app” and waiting for love to come to you. It’s how you put yourself out there that matters. If you approach dating with positive energy and clarity about your goals, you will find love.
With the right support and guidance, you will be able to find the right partner faster and avoid big mistakes along the way. I offer individual coaching and small, online group programs for singles. Sign up for a free consultation and find out how I can help you find love.
Trea Tijmens, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Trea Tijmens, the CEO of www.successmatch.ch, is an international elite matchmaker and award-winning dating expert and coach.
Trea believes that to love and be loved is a basic human need and that people do not thrive without love.
A former head-hunter, she founded SuccessMatch in 2005. Based in Switzerland, she works with local and international clientele and prides herself on her high success rate.
Trea is passionate about helping her highly international single professional clientele transition from where they are today to where they want to be; in a happy, fulfilling, lasting relationship with the right partner!
