Roar is a facilitator, advisor, and mediator, and he founded Waegger Negotiation Institute (WNI) in 2017. Up to 2017, Roar has been working as a lawyer with employment and labor law, and he has extensive experience in practical negotiations and long-time influence work.
In the modern world, where disputes often escalate to unmanageable levels and tensions seem unavoidable, we look for solutions that not only resolve conflicts but also transform them into opportunities for deeper understanding and connection. Scandinavian cultures, renowned for their high levels of happiness and social trust, offer powerful yet understated tools for addressing conflict: hygge, mysig, and trivelig. These words represent cultural concepts of coziness, comfort, and well-being that go beyond a simple mood; they hold a key to reimagining how we approach negotiation, mediation, and conflict resolution.
Understanding hygge, mysig, and trivelig
Scandinavian languages offer unique concepts that condense the essence of comfort, connection, and harmony. These ideas are deeply embedded in everyday life and can provide valuable insights for navigating conflicts with empathy and understanding. The SCARF model, as outlined in my article "Influencing Negotiations: Building Trust and Creating Value with the SCARF Model," offers a valuable framework for understanding the social dynamics underlying these concepts.
Hygge (Danish/Norwegian): Often translated as "coziness," hygge represents a state of being that fosters comfort, warmth, and shared intimacy. It is about creating an environment where everyone feels safe and cared for.
Mysig (Swedish): Similar to hygge, mysig emphasizes coziness with a touch of charm and emotional warmth, often centered around shared experiences that bring joy and relaxation.
Trivelig (Norwegian): Meaning "pleasant" or "agreeable," trivelig reflects a harmonious and welcoming atmosphere that promotes mutual respect and understanding.
Applying Scandinavian concepts to conflict resolution
Conflict, whether personal or professional, often escalates because individuals feel unheard, unsafe, or misunderstood. Here, Scandinavian concepts provide an invaluable framework to address these core human needs.
1. Creating a hygge-like environment for dialogue
A hygge-inspired space for dialogue prioritizes psychological safety. It’s about creating a neutral ground where participants feel respected and valued. In negotiations or mediations, this could mean selecting a comfortable setting with warm lighting, ensuring both parties feel physically and emotionally at ease, and starting discussions with shared values or interests to build rapport.
Imagine a labor negotiation charged with distrust. Instead of the usual sterile boardroom, the meeting is held in a relaxed setting with comfortable seating, light refreshments, and an atmosphere designed to encourage open conversation. This subtle change can soften defenses and pave the way for meaningful exchanges.
2. Bringing Mysig into mediation
Mysig teaches us the value of shared positive experiences in resolving conflicts. In mediation, fostering moments of connection, such as a shared laugh, a positive memory, or even a collaborative activity, can humanize opposing parties. By focusing on what unites rather than divides, mysig shifts the narrative from confrontation to collaboration.
During a family dispute mediation, the mediator might encourage both parties to share fond memories involving one another. This approach, inspired by mysig, helps participants reconnect emotionally and reduces the intensity of the conflict.
3. Embodying Trivelig in negotiations
Trivelig emphasizes mutual respect and pleasant interaction, even when disagreements persist. In a negotiation context, this means maintaining a tone of civility, finding agreeable solutions, and ensuring all voices are heard. The goal is not merely to reach an agreement but to do so in a way that strengthens relationships.
In an international business dispute, emphasizing trivelig could involve acknowledging cultural differences and making concessions that show goodwill. This approach transforms a transactional negotiation into a foundation for future collaboration.
The neuroscience behind coziness and conflict resolution
Scandinavian concepts align with what neuroscience reveals about conflict resolution. Feelings of safety and comfort, which are key elements of hygge, mysig, and trivelig, reduce cortisol levels and activate the brain’s reward systems. This makes individuals more open to collaboration. When we feel physically and emotionally secure, our ability to empathize and problem-solve improves dramatically.
The SCARF model, which addresses five social drivers (Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness), builds on these principles. It provides a concrete approach to fostering collaboration and reducing resistance in negotiations.
Practical steps for conflict resolution inspired by Scandinavian values
Drawing inspiration from the Scandinavian ethos, these actionable steps can help turn conflicts into opportunities for connection and collaboration:
Set the stage: Choose a neutral and inviting environment that reflects the principles of hygge, mysig, or trivelig. Small touches such as warm lighting, comfortable seating, or shared food can make a significant difference.
Focus on connection: Begin with shared experiences or common goals. Highlighting what connects people reduces the adversarial nature of conflicts.
Foster respect: Emphasize listening without interruption, validating others’ feelings, and finding mutually agreeable solutions.
Celebrate small wins: Recognize and celebrate progress, no matter how small, to sustain motivation and goodwill.
The Scandinavian ethos embodied in hygge, mysig, and trivelig transcends cozy aesthetics. It offers a transformative lens for resolving conflicts. By embracing comfort, connection, and civilized dialogue, we transform disputes from divisive standoffs into meaningful opportunities for mutual understanding and growth.
In a world often marked by division, these Scandinavian principles guide us toward a more harmonious and sustainable way of resolving conflicts, one intentional step at a time.
Roar Thun Waegger, Facilitator, Advisor & Mediator
Roar is a facilitator, advisor, and mediator, and he founded Waegger Negotiation Institute (WNI) in 2017. Up to 2017 has Roar been working as a lawyer with employment and labor law, and he has extensive experience in practical negotiations and long-time influence work. With his experience and training from Harvard PON and Pepperdine’s Straus' Institute in negotiation, mediation, and conflict resolution he helps his clients solve their challenges.
