Written by Lisa Brett, Career Writer
Author Lisa Brett is a career writer with a background in TV reporting & newsreading before 'going to the other side' & working in politics as a media advisor to cabinet ministers. Born in Sydney, Australia, but currently living in southern England, Finding Happiness When It Hurts was published in 2022 & is her first foray into the self-help arena.
Have you ever felt paralyzed by enormous emotional pain? Like you can barely function? You’re not alone. We all experience grief, loss, depression, or trauma at some stage in our lives. But for some, those deeply wounding experiences happen close together, or all at the same time. Compounded or cumulative grief can be more difficult to cope with than individual losses because of the compounding effect. But there is a way out of the darkness to feel joy again.
For the author of Finding Happiness When It Hurts, it began with meeting someone in a field.
"Lisa’s book has changed my life"
Clare Janet Mason – The Fallen Librarian (Book blogger, reviewer & influencer, Former librarian, Book addict)
That day
It started like every other. I got up early to tend to my golden Labrador, Daisy Boo. Made myself a strong plunger coffee, surfed YouTube for a meditation, and did some Italian lessons on my mobile phone app.
The day unfolded naturally with a bit of work, gardening, and cooking - routine stuff.
Anyone on the outside looking in would have seen an idyllic existence in a large and lovely Georgian house in a semi-rural part of Kent, England. This part of the country is known as ‘The Garden of England.’
But looks can be deceiving.
Saying something vs saying nothing
In the late afternoon, I fetched Daisy’s lead and we headed off together towards Coldblow Woods. As we emerged from under the canopy of trees and walked across the field ahead, I saw a stranger. He was looking up at the clouds and we exchanged pleasantries as I was about to pass him.
Then everything suddenly and dramatically changed. I did something uncharacteristic. I dumped all the pain, anguish, and grief of my toxic life onto this poor, unsuspecting man. Something I’ve never done before.
Would I do it again? The answer has to be “yes” given what happened next and where it led me.
"I wish I had come across this book years ago. I would recommend it to anyone who needs a boost and a 'hug' to help them get through what they are dealing with."
Jill Gallagher – From The Book Elf (Book blogger, reviewer & influencer)
Is destiny a real thing?
With the benefit of hindsight, I believe that our meeting was guided. That destiny intervened to save me. I’m not sure that I would still be here if I hadn’t met the stranger that day. A man who has since become a friend.
What did the stranger say?
I was, at the time, in the grip of enormous, life-transforming emotional pain and too held hostage by it to help myself.
But the stranger calmly recommended that I listen to motivational speaker, Earl Nightingale, and so-called New Thought disciple, Genevieve Behrend, on YouTube. Something to do with positive thinking and changing your mindset.
I had never heard of them but I had nothing to lose, so I took his advice. My pain made me mechanical. I just did, without thinking.
What caused so much pain?
In simple terms, compounded or cumulative grief. How we navigate grief is unique to each of us as this grief expert testifies. Click here.
A whole lot of really, really, really bad, dark, heavy stuff happened to me, one thing after the other, and it went on for years. I was married to a chronic alcoholic, gambler, cheat, liar, and thief who inflicted immense emotional and psychological
abuse upon me.
My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and was eventually admitted to a care home. Her gradual deterioration took a terrible toll on my father. During this time, for around a decade, I did a round trip of nearly 1,000 kilometers every few weeks – with my dog in tow – to visit my parents to help care for them, both practically and emotionally, and offer support in any way I could.
My mother died of her illness in due course. I was getting ready to drive to the hospital to visit her when my family and I were contacted and told to get there sooner rather than later, as she’d taken a turn for the worse. She died before I could say goodbye, and this will always haunt me.
Against this backdrop, I was establishing a business. I’d left the comfort of full-time work and a guaranteed income due to systemic bullying. I was working extremely hard to build up a client base and earn a reputation, so I could earn a living. I was also going through a very difficult early menopause, which left me feeling like a microwaved zombie.
There was also the constant worry about my sister’s health. She was admitted to the hospital periodically, and just as Covid-19 struck, she spent five weeks in intensive care. Adding to my stress, a family member and I fell out over a private matter. It broke us both, but I’m glad to say we’ve since reconciled.
I was emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted all the time. I felt traumatized. My tank was empty. I didn’t want to live anymore.
What does transformation look like?
Every time I took Daisy out for a long walk in nature I listened to motivational recordings of people who ascribed to positive thinking. What they said resonated with me and, over the ensuing weeks and months, I listened to hundreds of recordings from dozens of like-minded people, both from the past and the present.
I was like a desert-parched sponge, soaking up every word, every sentence, every nuance. As I wandered through the woods, fields, and bridlepaths near my home that summer, one thing led to another to another.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I was on a path of massive and permanent transformation. I could viscerally feel that something was changing within me. Deep within my very core. My soul. I was ever so slowly turning from a caterpillar into a beautiful butterfly. It would take a couple of years, maybe longer, but freedom from intense and enduring pain was, at last, on the horizon.
Where does healing begin?
I learned how to think differently. I found my soul tribe. I had a spiritual awakening. I changed the way I behaved and took informed action. I wrote a beautiful book that includes all the insights and wisdom I gained. It also includes stories from people around the world just like me who were in so much pain but found a way out of it.
Happiness is so vital for our mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical wellbeing. It’s essential for productivity, healthy relationships, collaboration, and good spending habits. It affects every facet of our lives, our families and friends, and our communities. Governments around the world recognise this including the UK’s National Health Service.
How the book was divinely guided
Although I’m a career writer, I didn’t set out to write and publish a book. I sat down at my computer one day and words started tumbling out of my head. It felt as if I was being used as a channel by someone or something else. I felt divinely guided to write this book to help myself and others.
I’d read back what I had written and couldn’t believe what I saw. In some instances, I was moved to tears by what I read and didn’t remember writing it.
That probably sounds a bit ‘woo woo’ to many but I am not a woo woo person. I’ve had a high-profile career in TV and politics but my spiritual awakening has changed my life for the better.
“A real gem of a book. I love this book. It is a powerful and enjoyable read. Real-life stories too about people who found hidden blessings in their darkest moments. I loved how positive and inspiring this read was.”
Nelli Lakatos (Book blogger, reviewer & influencer)
10 things that make this book unique
If I’m honest, there is some crossover with other similar books. It’s inevitable when we’re talking about living mindfully. But there are enough differences too which make it unique, and also perfect for people outside of the so-called middle-aged women demographic.
The book identifies the blessings in adversity and uses that as a starting point for transformation and healing. This, for me at least and it appears to be the case for many of my readers, means the duration and intensity of suffering is eased or reduced. Many self-help books tend to identify a problem and then seek a solution to it, all of which take time.
There are nuggets of wisdom, practical tips, and tools in the form of Blessing Bites that aim to get you thinking in a different way and empower you to take action.
There are stories told by a character called Gaia. Gaia, which means Mother Earth, strikes up conversations with various people and animals she meets whilst spending time on the beach. Gaia is my higher or intuitive self, who believes that everything we need to live a happy life can be found within ourselves. Gaia’s conversations take place on a beach because this is the scene of my earliest memory, so it seems like a good location to discover blessings. In addition, the first topic discussed is Alzheimer’s disease, a symptom of which is, sadly, memory loss.
This book had the most profound effect on me and my family, especially the section on Alzheimer's. I loved the Blessing Bites. I found them miraculously helpful, especially in my understanding to help one of my best friends suffering from Alzheimer's. The experiences of the participants revealed the fragility of life and the strength of our life forces to keep going, embrace life as it comes, and find those important blessings. Thank you, Lisa, you are truly an amazing and strong woman!
Tracey Laws – Amazon
Other difficult topics that are discussed include job loss, lockdown, divorce, bullying, homelessness, living with an addict, failing a test, financial setbacks, and death.
The book doesn’t lecture or preach. It won’t try to fix you. It’s gentle and unobtrusive, more like a conversation between friends in a living room.
There’s a sprinkling of Italian words and phrases throughout Finding Happiness When It Hurts to spice things up and reflect the international nature of the book.
People from around the world have contributed their own unique stories where they found blessings in the most unexpected places and situations whilst going through their own ‘night of the soul.’ Stories similar to this one, see here.
There's the example of a woman from Ecuador who lost work as a freelance tour guide during the COVID-19 pandemic and didn't know how she was going to pay her bills. But her son encouraged her to take up painting again whilst he created a social media profile for her art. She sold her watercolors both nationally and internationally, creating a small business that gave her an income and helped pay for her son's college education at a time when the world was in crisis.
It can be read in no particular order. Readers can go to the Contents pages and choose a story or subject that interests them. The stories are relatively short so readers don't have to wade through lengthy chapters to reach a conclusion and feel satisfied. For instance, someone wanting to discover the potential blessings of bullying can go straight to that section. I was surprised to learn from readers just how many people didn't read my book in page order.
It’s great for commuters who can easily dip in and out of short chapters or reflections before getting off at their stop.
It’s very portable because of its size, fitting nicely into handbags and man bags.
Should I become spiritual?
For most people, becoming spiritual requires a huge change to become their true selves. That’s where you will find peace, clarity, balance, healing and joy, amongst other things.
That’s why butterflies flit throughout and land on many of the pages of the book. They're very relevant in the spiritual world because of the massive transformation they undergo.
Another recurring theme in the book is the namaste hands. Namaste is an originally Sanskrit word with no single direct translation but it expresses respect, appreciation, and gratitude. It can also be used as a greeting and a farewell which can mean 'My spirit honours your spirit.'
This book is written with such warmth and genuine kindness that it truly feels like the very best of friends is sitting with you, quietly listening to your pain, and then, rather than offering glib unwarranted advice, validating your feelings, helping you to see the positive and the possibilities and giving you a great big hug. The level of heart-felt and true life experience just oozes from every page. There is nothing but concern for your happiness in this little book.
Fitz525 – Amazon
Why is being happy so hard?
I think we live our lives in fear instead of surrender and trust. By that I mean we dwell too much on the past and worry too much about the future instead of living in the moment and trusting that our lives will unfold naturally and usually for the best.
Wanting too much control is exhausting.
I believe that many people have lost their connection with nature, yet we are all part of the same whole. We have also lost touch with our inner selves, our intuition, our higher self – whatever you want to call it.
We don't listen to our feelings enough. We ignore red flags and let our thoughts dictate what action we take. Our inner compass is there for a reason, it's part of our soul, and we should pay attention to it and develop it.
Top three tips to find happiness
Practice self-love and self-care. In other words have healthy boundaries, respect, and appreciate yourself. Know that you are enough just as you are. Be kind to yourself. Look within yourself for happiness rather than seeking it externally in the form of food, alcohol, retail therapy, people-pleasing, the need for others to validate you, and so on.
Get in touch with your spiritual side and develop your intuition. I believe that we all have the answers to our problems within ourselves and that is very empowering.
Empowerment. When we feel empowered we have a deep inner knowing that we can handle anything that life throws at us. We will still hurt when things go wrong but we can reduce the intensity and duration of it. There are numerous resources available to help us and making a start is only a click away here.
What do readers think of the book?
Readers responses have been amazing. I feel so blessed because it's doing what I want it to do - helping, comforting, and guiding people. Here is a typical example of the feedback I've had.
"I have just finished reading your book and wow! Honestly, I needed this book so much. I have been really struggling, especially as I feel I am not living the life I want at all.
"Your book became more and more relevant with each page I turned. It was exactly what I needed and still need.
"Last night and this morning I felt at my lowest point ever, I didn't know what to do with myself. But I read a few pages, had a coffee and gathered myself together, took my dog for a walk, and felt so much more positive.
"You helped me do that through your book. I still don't know how to turn things around or what I will do, but at least I know how to look for blessings and realize that I can make changes.
"I need to read it all again now from the beginning. I just wanted you to know what an impact it's had on me and to say thank you."
Grief, loss, depression, and trauma, particularly when they’re compounded, are debilitating but you don't have to face them alone. Take the first step towards easing your pain and begin healing by implementing the insights in Finding Happiness When It Hurts. Whether you're in pain, or someone you know is, you have the power to rewrite your present and future or help them do the same. If you're ready to embark on a journey of life-changing transformation that will lead to a happier you, buy my book through my website if you live in the UK or Europe.
If you live elsewhere in the world, you can buy my book through one of the Amazon links below.
My dearest wish is that the caterpillar in you transforms into a beautiful and liberated butterfly so that you’re able to lead a happy and authentic life.
Amazon UK
Amazon
Amazon AU
Waterstones
Lisa Brett, Career Writer
Lisa Brett has had a varied writing career, but this is her first foray into the self-help arena. A friend introduced her to such books during a challenging time, but it wasn't until Lisa was in the midst of the longest and darkest period of her life that she discovered how to help herself, and she wrote Finding Happiness When It Hurts to share her insights. Lisa was born in Australia but currently lives in England with her golden Labrador Retriever, Daisy Boo, to whom her book is dedicated. Lisa's aim is that her book becomes your go-to book in times of need.
