Whitney is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Colorado, specializing in working with women with Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, and women navigating matrescense, infertility, pregnancy loss, pregnancy, and the postpartum journey. Whitney is the founder of The Rylie Center for Hope and Healing.
As a millennial and part of the FOMO generation, as well as someone who identifies as a highly sensitive person, I constantly live in the struggle of not wanting to miss out on the fun or being seen as the cool mom, while also needing to protect my energy and peace from being taken from me. We live in a culture of “how much can you fit into as little time as possible,” while not prioritizing your mental or physical health. That can wait for another day. As someone who is very sensitive to stimulation and feels everyone’s energy deeply, this struggle is one that I have to strike a balance with daily.
This dichotomy is also one that mothers of loss juggle even harder. I have lost children, and I feel like I have to provide my earth side children with the best and the most every day so they know how much I love them. Where do we strike the balance? Where does society cut us a break and support what we need internally, instead of perpetuating the rat race?
Where do you find your peace? Is it a slow walk through the woods or around the lake? Is it a quiet cup of coffee in the morning before your children wake up? Is it a peaceful evening to wind down before another week begins? All of our needs look different and change throughout our lifetimes. Your needs at 21 look far different than they do at 35 or even 42.
The guilt associated with protecting our peace is one that most mothers know all too well. The guilt of taking self care time, or even just taking a break to call a friend or listen to your favorite podcast while walking on the treadmill, is real. Society has set us up to fail at making ourselves a priority by embedding messages of guilt, failure, and negativity wherever we turn. Perhaps you have found a strategy that works to drown out the undercurrent of guilt, or maybe you are still working to find what works for you. At the end of the day, you matter most.
It is like the age old adage: “You must put your oxygen mask on first before assisting others.” If we are drowning or consumed with helping others while neglecting our own needs and peace, we become rather worthless to those around us. A vehicle cannot function without gasoline. How can you function without energy?
This is your call to action: protect your peace. Do not schedule the playdate on a Sunday before a busy week of meetings and deadlines. Choose to stay in bed. Go for that long, winding walk through the woods instead of rushing to the grocery store on Saturday morning. The groceries can be delivered. Call the babysitter or the family friend who has been offering to babysit the kids. Go get a massage or spend the afternoon indulging in that smutty book that has been collecting dust on your nightstand. You are worth it. You deserve the peace. Protect your peace; invest in yourself.
Read more from Whitney Frost
Whitney Frost, Mental Health Therapist and Clinical Director
Whitney is a mom, wife, therapist, business owner, author, mental health advocate, and champion for policy change for all women and moms in the US, and serial entrepreneur. Whitney is an advocate for women navigating motherhood by creating equitable, quality mental and physical health care for all women and those identifying as women. Whitney is the founder of The Rylie Center for Hope and Healing, Colorado's largest perinatal collective.
