Written by Ivy Comota, Personal Coach
Ivy Comota is a certified coach specifically helps high-achieving women and gay men overcome unique challenges in creating more success in all areas of their life.
Alright, gather 'round, Queens! It's time to embark on the age-old saga of men and money. These two elusive entities can make us feel like Beyoncé on a yacht or Bridget Jones in a thunderstorm. Let's face it: despite being high-achieving legends, even the best of us stumble in these areas. So, let's get real and break down the five concepts that can hold us back from successfully ruling our kingdoms.
The pitfalls of pursuing
First up, chasing men or money. Let's talk about the thrill of the chase, shall we? Ah yes, the adrenaline rush of pursuing that dream guy or that elusive fat paycheck, like you're on some twisted reality show where the prize is validation and a few more zeros in your bank account. Spoiler alert: The more you run after them, the more you end up looking like a contestant on a never-ending obstacle course, and trust me, no one hands out trophies for that.
Here's the deal: men and money don't appreciate being chased. It's like they have a built-in radar that alerts them the minute we start channelling our inner marathon runner. Both are embodiments of masculine energy, and they recoil faster than you can say "payday" when they're being hunted down. Think of it like this: if you're constantly chasing, you're sending out vibes of desperation, and no one ever got anywhere worth going by setting off desperation alarms.
Picture this—you're at a party, dressed to kill, but instead of mingling and having fun, you're darting around trying to get everyone's attention. Exhausting, right? The same principle applies when you're in relentless pursuit mode. Over time, this not only wears you out physically and emotionally but also diminishes your self-worth. Your confidence takes a nosedive quicker than you can swipe left on a bad Tinder or Bumble match.
Instead of spending all that energy chasing, why not try attracting? It's all about tapping into your feminine energy. Think of yourself as a magnet—effortlessly pulling in everything you desire without breaking a sweat. The masculine way of being finds this magnetic energy irresistible. It's the difference between running a rat race and effortlessly gliding through life like you own the place. What's more, when you stop chasing, you open yourself up to real opportunities. You're no longer blinded by the need to catch something—anything—that you miss out on the right things finding you.
But let's be real, standing still doesn't mean doing nothing. It means working on yourself—investing in your growth, learning new skills, and building a life so magnetic that both men and money can't help but gravitate towards you. It's about creating value in yourself, so you're no longer reliant on external validation to feel worthy.
So next time you find yourself in hot pursuit, take a step back and ask: is this really serving me? Am I running towards something I truly need, or am I just caught up in the thrill of the chase? Trust me, your energy is far too precious to waste on marathons that lead nowhere.
Instead, channel that energy into becoming the best version of yourself. Read a book, learn a new skill, or indulge in some much-needed self-care. By focusing on your own growth and well-being, you'll find that the right opportunities—whether they come in the form of men or money—will start appearing in your life like magic. So, ditch the running shoes and put on your tiara. It's time to let your feminine energy do the attracting, while you enjoy the fabulous life you deserve.
Exhaustion from excessive giving
Newsflash: even the most fabulous Queens can overdo it on the giving front. Whether it's showering your man with endless affection or throwing your money at the latest must-have gadget, over-giving can suck the life right out of you and your bank account. Picture this: you're the fairy godmother, and you've just used up your last sprinkle of fairy dust. Not a great look, right? Let's save some of that magical energy for ourselves, shall we?
Let's get real for a second. When you over-give, you're not just depleting your bank account; you're also sending out a message that your worth is tied to what you can provide materially. And trust me, honey, you're worth so much more than your credit card limit. This habit often stems from a place of insecurity or the desire to be liked, but spoiler alert—it rarely works. People who truly appreciate you won't need lavish gifts to know how much you care.
Now, it's one thing to be generous, but when it turns into over-giving, you're not just emptying your pockets; you're draining your soul. Think about it: every time you dish out more than you can afford—whether it's time, money, or emotional energy—you're chipping away at your own reserves. And trust me, you can't pour from an empty cup, darling.
Let's not forget, that the more you over-give, the more you set a dangerous precedent. People start to expect that level of giving all the time. Your man gets used to those extravagant date nights and your friends come to expect you to foot the bill. It becomes less about appreciation and more about expectation. And when expectations aren't met? Cue the drama.
Also, let's talk about resentment. Oh yes, it sneaks in like an uninvited guest at your fabulous soirée. You start to feel unappreciated, and before you know it, you're harbouring all sorts of ill feelings. Resentment is like glitter at a party—you think it's gone, but you keep finding little bits of it everywhere for weeks. Trust me, no one likes a resentful fairy godmother.
And then there's the guilt trip you take yourself on when you try to scale back. You think, "But if I don't give as much, will they still love me?" Spoiler alert: if they don't, then maybe they're not worth your royal presence. It's high time to prioritize yourself, darling. Put some of that energy back into your own kingdom.
Remember, being a Queen means ruling with grace and wisdom. It's about knowing when to give and when to hold back, ensuring you're not left running on empty. Maybe that means setting some boundaries or learning to say "no" more often. It's not selfish; it's self-preservation. And self-care is the ultimate form of royal treatment.
Here's a fun exercise: next time you're tempted to over-give, take a beat and ask yourself, "Is this coming from a place of love or a need for approval?" If it's the latter, step away from the glitter and the credit card. It's time to recalibrate and invest in yourself.
How critiquing backfires
Criticism is the next villain in our tale. You know the drill: grumbling about how men are useless or how money constantly slips through your fingers like sand. Let's be real, how attractive do you think that makes you? Spoiler: not very. Criticism isn't just a mood killer; it's a vibe killer.
Imagine you're at a swanky dinner party and someone keeps complaining about the food, the decor, or even the background music. Eventually, you'd want to sit as far away from that person as possible, right? Well, the same goes for your man and your money. Nobody wants to hang around a constant critic.
Here's a reality check: Constant complaining and nitpicking don't fix anything. They have this sneaky way of creating a feedback loop of negativity. The more you criticize, the more you'll find things to criticize, and before you know it, you're stuck in a cycle of bad vibes. Your man feels unappreciated, and your money woes seem insurmountable. Not to mention, every time you nitpick, you're not just putting a magnifying glass on their flaws—you're also shrinking yourself. It's like putting all your energy into pointing out the specks of dust in a room while ignoring the fabulous chandelier that's right above you. When you're busy focusing on what's wrong, you lose sight of everything that's right. And honey, that's not the kind of energy that attracts abundance or affection.
Think about it: When was the last time negativity did you any favours? Probably never. Positivity, on the other hand, has a way of opening doors. When you radiate good energy, people (and opportunities) naturally gravitate toward you. It's like you're suddenly wearing an invisible "Welcome" sign that invites all the good vibes to come hang out.
Instead of griping about what you don't have, start focusing on what you do have and how you can grow from there. Personal growth and self-improvement are your new besties. They have this magical way of turning you into a magnet for all the good things you want—be it a partner who actually appreciates you or that financial windfall you've been dreaming of.
So, next time you catch yourself spiralling into a pit of criticism, hit pause. Ask yourself: Is this rant really helping me, or is it just digging me deeper into a hole? Channel that energy into something productive, like learning a new skill, indulging in a hobby, or simply taking a moment to breathe and reset. Trust me, it makes all the difference.
Remember, Queens, it's not about ignoring your problems; it's about choosing a mindset that empowers you to tackle them head-on. Criticize less, magnetize more—it's the secret sauce to transforming your love life and your finances into the stuff of legends. So let's dial down the negativity and amp up the positivity. Your kingdom will thank you.
Now, we're not saying you should ignore red flags or avoid addressing important issues. But there's a big difference between constructive feedback and relentless criticism. One builds, the other destroys. And hey, when you find yourself slipping into critique mode, take a step back and ask: what's this really about? Often, our need to criticize stems from our own insecurities or unmet needs. Address those first, and you might find you have a lot less to complain about.
So Queens, let's put down the critique card and pick up the empowerment wand. Redirect that fierce energy into something that lifts you up, rather than tears you down. Because when you're busy being fabulous, there's simply no time for nitpicking.
Why controlling spells disaster
Alright, let's get real about the inner control freak. If you think you can micromanage your way to success with men and money, let me stop you right there. Picture this: you're holding onto both with a vice grip, convinced that if you let go for even a second, everything will fall apart. Spoiler alert: this tight-fisted approach is doing more harm than good.
Think of men and money as wild horses—free-spirited and inherently resistant to being corralled. The more you try to control them, the more they'll buck and resist. It's like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. The harder you push, the more resistance you'll face. Before you know it, you're exhausted, frustrated, and wondering why everything feels like an uphill battle.
Let's break it down: control is rooted in fear. When you're afraid of losing something, you try to dominate it, thinking you can bend it to your will. But both men and money thrive on freedom and trust. They need space to breathe, grow, and flourish. Imagine you're at a buffet with a limitless spread of delicacies, but instead of savouring the feast, you're obsessively piling your plate high and guarding it with your life. Not only do you miss out on the joy of the meal, but you also come off as a tad, well, unhinged. The same goes for your approach to men and money. Instead of trying to hoard and control, why not let things flow naturally? Trust in the process, and you might just find that life serves up even more than you ever imagined.
And here's a little secret: when you let go of control, you create space for abundance. It's like unclenching your fists to find that the universe has been waiting to fill your open hands with opportunities. Trust me, this isn't some new-age mumbo jumbo—it's pure energetic magic. By releasing the need to dominate, you invite a harmonious balance into your life.
Let's talk about your man for a second. If you're constantly trying to control his every move, it's only a matter of time before he feels suffocated. Let's be honest, no one finds micromanagement sexy or endearing. Men appreciate a partner who can go with the flow, and who knows that the best relationships have a natural ebb and flow. Give him the space to be himself, and you'll likely see a more genuine, fulfilling relationship emerge.
The same principle applies to money. Treat it like a tool, not a master, and watch how your financial situation starts to improve. We all want financial stability, but trying to control every penny can be exhausting and counterproductive. Have you ever tried to budget down to the last cent, only to find yourself spiralling into stress and anxiety when things don't go exactly as planned? Spoiler alert: it's not worth it. Money, like men, needs a bit of freedom to grow. Invest wisely, and save diligently, but don't let your life be ruled by spreadsheets and penny-pinching. Sometimes, a little financial spontaneity can lead to unexpected rewards.
The universe loves a good plot twist, so why not let go a little and see where the story takes you? Embrace the chaos. It doesn't mean you should abandon all responsibility or throw caution to the wind, but trust that sometimes things need a little wiggle room to flourish. When you stop trying to control every outcome, you create space for opportunities and experiences that you might have never anticipated.
Letting go isn't a sign of weakness; it's a testament to your strength and confidence in yourself and the world around you. So, take a deep breath, release that death grip, and watch as both your love life and finances start to blossom in ways you couldn't have planned. Trust me, a little chaos now and then can be a beautiful thing. So, dear Queens, let's ditch the control tactics and embrace a more fluid approach. Trust in your ability to attract what you need, and let go of the rest.
Ambiguity breeds anxiety
Let's talk about the elephant in the room or rather, the piggy bank. We all know that money talks with our significant others can be about as fun as getting a root canal. It's uncomfortable, awkward, and sometimes downright cringeworthy. But guess what? Dodging these conversations only fuels more anxiety and leaves you sweating through your silk blouse. Queens, we've got to stop treating money like Voldemort—something we dare not speak of.
Let's be real: avoiding serious chats about finances is just another form of self-sabotage. How many times have you agreed to something you weren't comfortable with, just to keep the peace? Or worse, how often have you kept your mouth shut because you were afraid of being judged? The result? More stress, more uncertainty, and a lot less clarity about what you truly want.
Not to mention, being clear on your financial goals doesn't just ease your stress—it empowers you. Suddenly, you're not just drifting aimlessly through life hoping things will work out. You're steering the ship with a destination in mind. And that, my friends, is the secret sauce to balancing both men and money.
Now, let's get to the nitty-gritty. The first step in mastering money talks is to drop the fear. Yes, I said it—let it go. You are a Queen, and Queens don't shy away from challenges. Approach the conversation with confidence, not trepidation. After all, you're building a life here, not just balancing a chequebook.
Start with transparency. Lay all your cards on the table. Discuss your financial goals, your debts, your spending habits—everything. The goal is to understand where each of you stands financially. It's like opening a window to let in fresh air; suddenly, everything seems clearer and more manageable.
And hey, remember to keep it light. Money talks don't have to be doom and gloom. Use a bit of humour to break the ice. A well-placed joke can defuse tension and make the conversation flow more naturally. It's all about creating a comfortable space where both of you can be honest and open. Set some goals together. Whether it's saving for a vacation, paying off debt, or investing in a new venture, having common financial objectives can strengthen your relationship. It's like planning a road trip—you both need to know the destination and the best route to get there.
Finally, make it a habit. Regular check-ins about your finances can prevent small issues from snowballing into major crises. Think of it as maintaining your kingdom—consistent care and attention keep everything running smoothly. Here's the deal: clarity is in itself queen. Whether it's setting financial goals or discussing household contributions with your partner, clear communication is your best friend. Achieving clarity about what you truly want from men and money is a pivotal step in creating fulfilling relationships and financial abundance. It's time to get specific about what you want. With a little preparation, a dash of humour, and a whole lot of honesty, you can turn these conversations into empowering experiences.
Embracing feminine energy for better flow
Alright, Queens, let's talk about the secret sauce to creating more success: embracing your feminine energy. This isn't about pink frills and high heels—unless that's your jam. It's about tapping into that innate power you have, the one that's all about intuition, receptivity, and a sprinkle of vulnerability. Think of it as your internal compass, guiding you effortlessly toward what you truly desire.
First off, let's get one thing straight: feminine energy is not weak. It's like a river—calm on the surface but capable of carving canyons over time. It's about trusting your gut feelings and knowing when to let go and when to hold on. Remember that time you felt something was off but couldn't put your finger on it? That's your feminine energy nudging you. Trust it. When you align with this energy, you stop trying to force things and start letting things flow.
Embracing feminine energy means being open to receive. In a world where we're constantly told to hustle and grind, taking a step back and being receptive can feel counterintuitive. But sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is let opportunities come to you. It's about balancing the 'go-getter' attitude with a bit of 'sit back and let it happen.' It's like fishing—you don't catch anything by thrashing around in the water. Cast your line and wait for the fish to come to you.
Now, let's sprinkle in some vulnerability. Being vulnerable isn't about exposing your weaknesses; it's about being real and authentic. It's saying, "This is me, flaws and all," and knowing you're still a total rockstar. Men and money are attracted to authenticity. No one wants a facade. When you show up as your true self, you invite genuine connections and opportunities. It's like holding up a sign that says, "Real Deal Here," and trust me, that's magnetic.
By leaning into your feminine energy, you're also giving yourself permission to nurture and care for yourself. This means self-love rituals, pampering, and anything that makes you feel like the Queen you are. When you're at your best, you radiate confidence and attract the best.
So, the next time you find yourself trying to control every aspect or chase after what you want, take a step back. Breathe. Tune into that feminine energy and let it guide you. Trust that when you align with this energy, men, money, and all the good things will flow into your life naturally. You don't need to chase; you need to attract. And believe me, you have everything you need to do just that.
Read more from Ivy Comota
Ivy Comota, Personal Coach
My passion for greater awareness in feminine energy among high-achieving women and gay men, was sparked by my journey overcoming my own struggle to create more success in all areas of my life from a place of ease, joy and fun.
Combining both traditional and innovative techniques, I have created a 5-step process to guide my clients understand their true power, and transform into the life they've always wanted.
I believe, redefining success through feminine energy principles can propel us towards a more authentic, balanced and sustainable success.
