Written by: Kelli Reese, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We all want to feel aligned with our work. But, what do you do when you're feeling burned out, unmotivated, and ready to walk away from your leadership role? What happens when you're thinking, I have to get out of this job?
That thought could be true. Sometimes you need to leave but, what if it's something else? The desire to exit and find a new position or path can also mean I don't know how to be myself in this environment or know who I am here.
Sure, it might be time to blow it all up and start anew. However, the feeling can also signify that you don't feel comfortable bringing your whole self to your role. It could be a glaring sign that you need to allow yourself to be you at work, without all the self-criticism and second-guessing.
Are you overcompensating?
When female leaders come to me, they're cautious and tentative about being completely themselves in their role - namely their kind, heartfelt, soulful, deeply connected selves. They don't believe they'll be accepted for who they are, so they overcompensate by being the person they think others expect them to be— which isn't even the person they want to be.
Thirty percent of your life is spent working. If part of that time is focused on trying to be someone you're not, that's exhausting.
Leadership for all
Many empathic, accomplished women are trying to fit into a conventional mold of leadership and an outdated way to achieve success - which doesn't resonate with them. They look around their organization, and they don't see others like them. People in decision-making positions aren't ushering in alternative models for leadership success that speak to their needs, so they struggle to find someone they connect with to mentor them.
It feels like the corporate environment often breeds variety out of leadership, doesn't it? I'm on a mission to change that. My expertise is in helping soulful, empathic women thrive in their leadership roles. I provide them with powerful tools and practices that enable them to get to the heart of the reasons they're overcompensating and holding back in the first place.
Don't sacrifice your soul for success
As a former executive, I was running a $34M organization before leaving my seventeen-year career in natural foods to pursue a calling to help others. I know what it's like to abandon who you are and force yourself to show up in a role as the person you believe everyone expects you to be. Living that way took a toll on my body, mind, and soul.
When you're trying to fit yourself into a mold that doesn't align with who you are, you intuitively know that it's not your truth. Something feels off, but you can't quite figure out what it is. Naturally, you look at your workplace and your position, but uncovering the core reasons why you're overcompensating and denying important parts of who you are can be found by going inward. This is good news. You have control over how you show up in your role.
How to do it differently?
You can do it all differently before it completely zaps your energy and spirit. You can create more alignment, fulfillment, and ease in your work. You can have a positive impact with some tools and practices.
1. Put the Perfection to Bed
I see a common thread of female leaders feeling like they have to do it all perfectly, that they have to be everything to everyone. They believe there's someplace they'll land where it's all done. A place where they'll finally feel caught up, prepared, content, or better. It's the "I'll be happy when _____," cycle. But, it's not about perfection. When you don't do it all perfectly (because it's just not possible), you judge yourself for doing too much or not doing enough. Eventually, you judge yourself for getting so far in your career and still not feeling fulfilled. It's a frustrating loop. It's time to put the perfection to bed.
2. Stop Pushing Yourself
The desire to succeed is often paired with a long-held belief that the way to achieve your goals is by working harder. It feels like a finish line you can never cross. Not pushing yourself to succeed is a practice.
When you're pushing, the underlying driver is fear. Think back to the times when you ramp up your drive and push meter. What's typically happening? Are you terrified of missing some crucial detail? Maybe you're worried the other shoe will drop? Are you so focused on wanting to be liked that you set standards you can never meet?
It feels like doing more is the way to make all the self-doubt disappear, but it actually magnifies the irrational thoughts when all that action doesn't bring you the result you crave. The negative inner dialogue and unease are still there. The pushing only drives you to exhaustion, not to the core of what's really happening below the surface.
3. Lead With Courage
It takes courage to be yourself fully in your leadership role, especially when it requires you to step out of the same old mold and forge what feels like an untraveled path.
Bringing your whole self to your role can feel exposing. It's a vulnerable place to be, especially when you've been working so hard to fit yourself into a framework that isn't aligned with who you are.
When you're holding yourself back because you're worried you won't be accepted or well-received, that creates a disconnect. That disconnect can be confused with, this job isn't right for me anymore, when in reality that feeling might be resolved by confidently being YOU - having your own back, following your heart, or sharing your thoughts, even when it's uncomfortable or scary.
Take off the mask. No one is expecting you to be someone you're not. In fact, they want to know you - that's how you build trust.
4. Look Within
If you're looking outside for what's wrong in your role and you never arrive at an answer that totally resonates, it's a good bet that the shift needs to come from within.
It may feel like huge changes must happen in your work life to feel alignment and ease in your job, but I remind my clients, "When you show up differently, everything around you shifts."
When you feel confident in who you are and what you bring to your team and role, people notice. They respond to you differently, more positively. You relax and allow more flow and effortlessness. The small inner voice of your intuition becomes more prominent, and you begin to trust yourself.
You settle into your body, and it feels like home, rather than something that's working against you or needs to be fixed.
Before you throw in the towel and quit, make sure you know what's really going on. Know why you're holding yourself back from showing up as the woman you know yourself to be.
With a few shifts in the right place, what you're struggling with can be resolved.
Kelli Reese, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Kelli Reese is an author and certified leadership coach. She works privately with women in management and executive roles to finally free them from the chronic self-worth issues holding them back.
In her research, she's discovered that what's keeping soulful, empathic women from thriving in the high-level leadership roles they were born to succeed in isn't "imposter syndrome": it's childhood shame cycles - a confidence-destroying feeling of never being enough. Through Kelli's signature method, she's helping women stay in their roles and get the recognition (and the fulfillment) they deserve. Her clients feel more like themselves than ever while having the impact they're meant to have.
