Written by: René Luisman, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise
Summer, the perfect time to relax. But what if you can't let go of your work to get into a state of rest and relaxation?
In this article, I explain how you sometimes generate your own stress, which seven styles you can use to tackle stress, and how personal leadership is needed to stop putting pressure on yourself.
Do you feel the pressure of always having to perform?
As an entrepreneur, I feel like I'm always on. There is always something to do, the work is never done. From developing a strategy to implementation. From making myself visible to the administrative handling of cases. And then there's the pressure to generate more revenue to keep growing my business.
In this, I do not differ from the clients who visit my coaching practice. It seems like everyone is weighed down by the pressure of performing. When I ask them what they want to achieve, there is usually a great longing for inner peace. This feeling of always having to perform is a perfect breeding ground for stress.
Stress is caused by an imbalance between effort and relaxation. Basically, stress helps you to activate yourself. Useful in case of imminent danger or to push yourself to the limit when you want to achieve your goals. But when that tension remains unconsciously activated, exhaustion lurks. To continue to function properly, it is therefore necessary to relax, rest and recover on a regular basis. If you do not do this, you might notice this immediately in your body. Headaches, back pain, fatigue, irritability, and poor sleep are signals that can indicate stress.
Not daring to say no can have serious consequences for your health
We all know that stress can be unhealthy. But how disastrous the consequences can be is perfectly explained by Doctor Gabor Maté in his book 'when the body says no'. If you can't say no to a stress-ruled way of life, your body will eventually do it for you. You become exhausted and are more prone to diseases.
Substantiated by scientific studies and countless examples, Maté links stress to serious diseases such as cancer, immune disorders, and Crohn's disease. He describes how stress has a much greater influence on health than other factors such as heredity and lifestyle. If you haven't learned to express your feelings and emotions effectively, it can have serious physical and psychological consequences.
What’s your strategy for dealing with stress?
Wanting to control or suppress feelings and emotions are two common ways people deal with stress. In total, we distinguish seven strategies, also known as coping styles. Some styles focus on solving the underlying problem, while other styles focus on changing the feelings and emotions that are causing the problem.
These seven strategies are:
Actively tackle and solve issues
Seeking distraction (numbing yourself which even might lead to addiction)
Denying or avoiding the problem
Seeking social support
Passivity (worrying, self-doubt, or self-blame)
Expressing emotions (like anger or fear)
Reassure yourself (put the situation into perspective)
Think back to a situation in which you experienced stress. What is your way of dealing with this? And has this had the desired effect?
Which style is most effective?
There’s no such thing as the best way to deal with stress. How effective a style usually depends on the context. Sometimes you feel better in the short term, but your approach doesn't solve the problem in the longer term.
Taking an active approach and seeking support may seem the most effective but can also cause more stress. When you have no influence on the situation, a more emotion-oriented approach such as seeking distraction can be helpful in processing the situation. Stress management often works best when you can let your emotions in and be able to align your style with your underlying needs.
Getting rid of dysfunctional patterns
Dealing with stress requires firmness. Knowing what your values are and what you stand for so that you consciously say yes to the things that are important to you. Not knowing your values most likely result in living the values of others. You may be subconsciously loyal to the values of your environment.
For example, the urge to control or suppress your emotions is often a reaction to a situation you encountered as a child. You try to live up to what you think others expect of you, even if it means selling yourself short. Saying no may not even cross your mind, or it may feel awkward or even selfish. And to avoid that feeling you fall back on an old familiar pattern. And where this behavior once helped you to survive, it now gets in the way, and you unconsciously create your own stress.
What you can do yourself to reduce stress
So, regulating your emotions is an important first step in coping with stress. Take the time to feel and examine your emotions regularly. What are they telling you about your needs? The better you can recognize your feelings and emotions, the better you perceive the underlying need and act on it.
A second step is to examine your own beliefs. Ask yourself critical questions about your beliefs. Thoughts like “this has to be done now” or “I have to do this myself” is often based on unfounded assumptions. We often impose all kinds of things on ourselves and thereby make ourselves bigger or more important than we are. What happens when you dare to say no more often? What is the effect on you and others if you take less responsibility?
And finally, it is important to give sufficient priority to relaxation. Not just with the time left over after all the work is done. But consciously make time for activities that give you energy. Moments when you can recharge. So that you can perform when it really matters.
René Luisman, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
René Luisman is a professional life and career coach. Finding his place in life has been quite a challenge after a traumatic accident in which he sustained serious burns on both of his legs. As a trainer and coach, he creates a safe environment for people to work on their authenticity to grow in their personal and professional life. The Dutch Association for Trainers has recognized his work, and they awarded him Trainer of the Year 2017/18. René is on a mission to create more awareness for self-acceptance, especially for gay men.
