Written by Jan Bailey, Communication and Speaking Coach
Jan Bailey is a seasoned communication and public speaking trainer specializing in leadership presence, clear communication and confident presenting. Fascinated by the reluctance most people have around speaking up, speaking out and speaking in front of others, Jan set out to change the way people think about public speaking and presenting.
Like in every industry, there are questions people always ask me, a communication trainer who specializes in presentation skills. Usually the first question, and definitely the most common question I hear is ‘How can I appear more confident?’. What I know about confidence from all the people I work with is that it isn’t usually an instant fix, nor is it one size fits all. In fact, it’s a series of small changes that come together to create a confident presence (The Twelve Layers of Confidence). After that question comes the excuses; we can call them rationale if that feels better. I don’t speak in front of people because I feel judged. In fact, ‘I feel judged’ is, hands down, the most common excuse people give me for not putting their hand up to speak at work. It’s time to change that.
Let’s begin with the elephant in the room: are you actually being judged when you speak? Yes. But there is much more to this story that’s often ignored, so judgement is allowed to loom large in our minds, especially when it’s combined with public speaking. Add to that how common this ‘feeling’ is, and the excuse not to speak in front of people becomes a hall pass at work. Every time you pass up an opportunity to speak in front of others, you are passing up on an opportunity to showcase your skills, to share your ideas, to create momentum, or to offer help. Perhaps it’s time to think about your greater sense of purpose rather than your fear.
First, because we’re practicing effective communication, we’ll define ‘judge’ so we’re all on the same page. According to Oxford Languages Online, judge means ‘to form an opinion or conclusion about.’ To form an opinion or conclusion about it doesn’t sound too frightening. The problem with that definition is that most people decide, before they even open their mouths to speak, that the audience will judge them unfavourably. Ouch.
Because we’re a bit nervous or we’re stretching out of our comfort zone, we choose to believe others are judging us to be lacking. Not feeling completely prepared or 110% confident in the material also translates in the presenters’ brain to - the audience can read my mind and they are critiquing my intellect. Just to be clear, no one is ever 110% prepared, every time, the audience cannot read your mind and while you think they are slamming your intellect, they are likely working to understand your perspective and whether it’s relevant to them.
If you want to know the truth, your audience would really prefer that you were relaxed, conversational and loved your topic. Why? Because that would virtually guarantee you delivered a great presentation. Remember, your audience is naturally self-centered and that means they genuinely want you to do well so it’s more enjoyable for them! It does you no good to imagine your audience is constantly judging you unfavourably. It’s bad for you and it’s bad for them.
Here’s an interesting question. Even if your audience judges you harshly, how are you going to change that?
You aren’t. You’re going to do the best you can and the audience will think what they think. You cannot control what people think; you cannot control what people feel, and you cannot control how people react to what you say. You can control you. That’s it.
So, let’s talk about how you can make some shifts in your mindset so you can get busy sharing your ideas and opinions and have a greater impact at work and in your life.
Here are some things you know but are worth revisiting before we move on:
You can’t please everyone.
You are not the centre of the universe.
Be the best version of yourself. Everyone else is already taken.
Fundamentally, the trouble with judgement is that it can feel very personal, even when it happens in a business setting. Whether you’re presenting in front of peers, managers, or complete strangers, part of the nervousness comes from that fear of being judged:
Is the information I’m presenting correct?
Is the way I’m presenting it engaging?
Will I have answers to all the questions?
Could someone else present it better?
Will I embarrass myself as a professional?
These negative thoughts can flash quickly or weigh heavily on our minds as we prepare to present or speak in front of others. But in addition to all of your prep work (Top 5 Things to Remember before Stepping in Front of an Audience), what if you could shift that perspective and allow some confidence to sneak in?
Try This.
Can you begin to make the mental shift from:
I am being evaluated,
To
The product or information is being evaluated,
To
The impact of the information is being evaluated?
Even when you read the above lines you feel better, don’t you? You can feel the difference and all you started to do was change your perspective. (You might also notice how I sneakily switched out ‘judged’ for ‘evaluated.’ If you’ve read any of my other articles, you know how powerful language is.)
As we move away from the personal epicenter (they are judging me), we shift the gaze of the audience away from us and toward the impact we create. In other words, we shift the ‘judgement’ from the feeling that it’s pointed at us personally to it being pointed at an evaluation of the impact of the service we provide or the information we offer.
Is this a valuable service?
Is this information relevant?
Is this the direction the organization should go?
Is this helpful?
All of these are judgement questions answered with a simple yes or no, and no matter what the answer is, it will help the discussion, the department or the organization move forward. That is impact. There is no diminishing emotion involved.
What does this all mean in the end? It’s not about you. Let that go.
Speaking in front of others can genuinely shake your confidence and your sense of self. As a communication trainer specializing in public speaking and presenting, I work with people at all levels of business to improve their confidence and simultaneously improve their speaking and presenting in any scenario.
If you’ve found this article helpful, please look for my other articles and follow me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! I’d be delighted to help you give yourself or your team the gift of clear, confident communication; every time you speak.
Jan Bailey, Communication and Speaking Coach
Jan Bailey is a seasoned communication and public speaking trainer specializing in leadership presence, clear communication and confident presenting. Fascinated by the reluctance most people have around speaking up, speaking out and speaking in front of others, Jan set out to change the way people think about public speaking and presenting. More laughter and less lecture, more personality and less powerpoint and a whole lot more confidence means professionals at all levels are more effective communicators. A dynamic speaker, an engaging facilitator and an insightful coach, Jan genuinely believes in the power of effective communication to change lives; personally and professionally.
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