Director of Calm Confident Create, Angela specializes in empowering individuals to thrive by adopting a creative thinking mindset. She guides them to shed limiting beliefs, paving the way for remarkable personal and professional growth.
In this article, you will learn how to catch negative thought patterns and how to develop a strong positive mindset. I felt inspired when I re-read the "Tale of Two Wolves" and felt its message resonated perfectly with my coaching.
A tale of two wolves
A Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life.
He said, “A terrible fight is going on inside me, between two wolves.
One is evil – it is full of false pride, greed, sorrow, anger, resentment, and self-pity.
The other is good, full of joy, peace, love, humility, kindness, and faith.
The same fight is going on inside you and every other person on the earth.”
After thinking, the grandson asked, “Which wolf will win?”
The old man smiled and replied simply, “The one you feed.”
You’ve probably seen some of my content on positive mindset and stress reduction before, and this article is going to focus on catching that ‘bad wolf’ mindset and turning it into a stronger, more positive mindset for life. I’m a Physiotherapist/Acupuncturist/Positive Intelligence Coach/Company Director and Best-Selling Author.
Every moment is an opportunity to change your perspective.
The rogue wolf
Has ten facets that can undermine us.
Constant negative self-talk and criticism
Feeling driven with a one-track mind
Being too nice
Feeling anxious and threatened
Self-pity
Being rigid and controlling
Over-perfectionism
Never settling or fully committing
Over-rationalising and ignoring feelings
Avoiding important issues
We all have at least two aspects of the rogue wolf in play at any time – which ones, can vary depending on circumstances Let’s identify yours.
Catching the rogue wolf
It’s often our main character's strengths that get overused and eventually become our vulnerabilities. For example:
Being kind and compassionate can turn into ‘over-giving’ which drains our own resources and can lead to overwhelm, resentment and a sense of being used.
Having great attention to detail can become a trait of over-perfectionism making us anxious and reluctant to move on when something is finished
Meet yourself where you are
On Shirzad Chamine’s website, you will find an interesting Saboteur test which identifies which of the ten rogue traits sabotage you most. Intriguing!
One of the things my clients worry about most is that their rogue wolf traits seem to bring benefits.
‘Those traits help me succeed!’
But that’s the lie our rogue wolf tells us.
“Without me pushing you, pointing out your weaknesses, and making you feel bad, you’d never achieve anything.”
Remember it’s trying to win the battle.
The good wolf’s position is that you will achieve more from learning to tap into those strengths in a different way. A way that allows you to succeed, without stress, in ease and flow.
Feed the good wolf
Armed with the knowledge of our rogue wolf and its lies. We can watch for it and call it out:
That’s my People Pleaser! Encouraging me not to keep to my boundaries.
There goes my Hyper-achiever driving me too hard.
To counteract those negative thoughts, put in a circuit breaker:
Concentrate on any of your senses for thirty seconds and gently put aside your thoughts. For example:
Notice your breathing. Take three deep breaths, feel the rise and fall of your chest and stomach.
Listen for the furthest away sound you can hear, now listen to the closest.
If your mind wanders – that’s quite normal, just redirect back to your senses.
Now we’ve fed the good wolf – let’s put it to work to help us
Empathies with yourself – acknowledge that it’s tiring to fight off the constant negative mind chatter of the rogue wolf.
Explore the situation without leaping to any judgement or trying to implement an action. Ask yourself, “What is really happening here?” Think about the issue from your perspective/the impact it may be having on other people concerned/the circumstances you are in too.
Use your inner compass - Ask yourself, “What is really important here?”
How will you uphold your core values in resolving the problem? If you were looking back from the end of your life, what do you wish you’d chosen to say or do in this situation?
Be creative - With no constraints, brainstorm how you could resolve the issue? Take those ideas and begin to modify them to allow for the constraints you have? Who could you ask for help and what do you need to learn?
Take the first step - Plan the first small step that will move you towards your goal and put in place what you need to do to take it. Then remember to celebrate that you are underway. The first step is always the hardest, as you overcome the initial inertia.
Having insights about what we need to do doesn’t bring about change – taking daily small steps forward brings about change!
Acknowledge every achievement however small
What is your celebration going to be? Every time you catch the rogue wolf – will you:
fist pump like a sportsman
flip a coin into your treat fund
put on a tune and dance
take a moment to see how far you have come
However you choose to do it, acknowledge every step forward – every morsel you feed the good wolf is making it stronger.
Take time to reflect on what went well and re-live the great feelings. Reflect too on what didn’t go so well – don’t judge or berate yourself – think about what you can learn and how to do things differently next time. If we never make mistakes we don’t learn and grow.
Summary – keep it simple
1. Catch the rogue wolf
Understand your top strengths and how they can become weaknesses.
2. Feed the good wolf
Use your senses to make a circuit breaker to negative thoughts. Apply the five-step process of the good wolf to resolve issues creatively.
3. Acknowledge
Remember to celebrate all the wins however small. Don’t let your rogue wolf devalue your efforts or belittle you.
4. Reflect
We can all grow and learn from every circumstance by reflecting calmly and making discerning decisions about what to keep and what to change. Have fun with the process and watch out for the rogue wolf hi-jacking you.
As a rule of thumb, if the feeling you experience is negative – anxiety/anger/frustration/shame/guilt etc… Likelihood is that the rogue wolf is in charge. The good wolf brings ease, creativity, and flow and makes you feel good.
Thank you for reading!
If you’d like to know more about my coaching – for yourself or your team – you can book a free discovery appointment at accoaching.co.uk
Read more from Angela Cairns
Director of Calm Confident Create, Angela specializes in empowering individuals to thrive by adopting a creative thinking mindset. She guides them to shed limiting beliefs, paving the way for remarkable personal and professional growth. Angela seamlessly integrates holistic healthcare knowledge with a fusion of positive intelligence coaching and creative expression which creates a unique coaching experience that transcends traditional boundaries. This distinctive approach enhances performance and cultivates lasting happiness, guiding individuals towards their full potential. Her clients not only manage the demands of a busy life but emerge stronger, more confident, and ready to live their truth.
