Written by: Paul Weeden, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
‘Fake it till you make it’ is a phrase that may come to mind for many of us I expect, when we are feeling out of our comfort zone or lacking confidence. It’s not terrible advice, but how many of us can say we are genuinely spending our time doing what comes naturally to us most days?
In many cases, we leave education either primed by others in which direction to head or we start off with our original idea of where we want to head. But often this direction can be influenced by a fear of what we perceive to be realistic or more sensible. Or from feeling disheartened that perhaps we were over-ambitious to begin with. We may then choose to settle for a situation where we either consciously or unconsciously feel compelled to fake it. Perhaps this is what leads to imposter syndrome, and the sense that we don’t know who we really are.
I suppose that if we, like many other people, come to accept what is ordinarily on offer, then we will very likely put internal pressure on ourselves to conform to the norm, and in doing so, fake it to make it through. In addition to this, it’s also not unlikely that others around us who are very well-meaning, will want us to be safe and secure with a stable income and stability. Not the worst thing to wish for someone, but not necessarily helpful advice when someone needs support and encouragement to achieve more challenging goals and objectives, that may also bring greater rewards.
Perhaps feeling like an imposter is embedded in our culture or species?
Faking it isn’t necessarily about being in the wrong job, it could be choosing to focus on less meaningful objectives, or declining to take on a challenge that makes us feel insecure but could reap great rewards and invaluable experience.
How to spot if we could be faking it?
Some of the ways to spot if we are faking it with ourselves and others are.
Do we feel relatively free to speak freely or are we very careful about what we choose to say?
Do we feel bound or restricted in any ways that we would usually expect to feel more free?
Do we feel a need to worry more than we would like about getting in trouble or getting things wrong?
Do we constantly need reminding about the primary concepts and philosophy or goals around a project? Is it like it doesn’t go in or sit with us for any reason?
Are we often easily distracted by almost anything that seems more interesting?
Do we have to work really hard to focus on small tasks that we would expect to be quicker and easier?
If you have found yourself like many others have, to be spending your time doing things that are close to meaningless to you, then perhaps you should try to do something about it whilst you can; these things get harder to change once we have more responsibilities, such as higher overheads, children and other dependents. As well as the longer we stay in one place of work or profession, the harder it can feel to leave, and it can also be more stressful to change.
With that in mind, in a strange way change happens when we are ready. And sometimes we don’t make radical changes until we have had enough of a particular type of suffering. So it may be true that we are not ready to take risks and make necessary important changes till we have suffered more than we currently have.
What could we ask ourselves to help us to make more authentic choices?
Some helpful questions I often ask my clients when considering making changes to move closer to a more authentic and genuine life are.
What would you change if you had a magic wand?
Who or what would be the consequences of making those changes?
What would you potentially lose? What would you miss?
What would you potentially gain? more success?
Is there anything you would definitely gain for certain? Hope! Joy! Passion! Self-confidence!
To read further into the fascinating subject of faking it and imposter syndrome, here is a link to another interesting article in the New Yorker.
As well as Tajana Velikinac’s amazing article on ‘living in a fake society’ that she wrote for Brainz magazine last year.
If this subject interests you and you would like to explore it further for your own self-development and perhaps career, you may benefit from investing in exploring it further through counselling and coaching.
Many thanks for reading my article.
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Paul Weeden, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Meet Paul K. Weeden, a holistic and integrative mental health therapist and coach and very excited to and honoured to be able to share and support the Brainz community. With 12 years of experience, he helps people overcome anxiety, depression, and achieve work-life balance. His journey involves self-development, exploring practices like meditation, yoga, martial arts, music, and sound, empowering countless individuals on their path to personal growth and well-being. With an MA in Music and Sonic Media and training in integrative psychotherapy and embodiment coaching, Paul takes a holistic view of healing. He combines mind, body, and soul to facilitate profound transformations in his clients' lives.
