Julia Mechlin is a QHHT Level II practitioner, Reiki Master and Business Data Analyst. She is the founder of Quantum Oneness Center.
Imagine the most beautiful backyard with a lovely swimming pool. It has all the features, flowers, trees, and landscaping one could wish for in a perfect backyard. Take a moment to smile, enjoy, and appreciate the beautiful place to find peace and refreshment—an oasis in life.
The pool is crystal clear — the water is the perfect temperature, just cool enough to be refreshing but not shockingly cold. There is a lovely privacy fence with flowering vines to provide a stunning backdrop, and everything is just right! A dream space. We will come back to this place in a moment.
Life is hard at times
Like many people, there are life experiences that hurt, leaving resentment and lamenting over the pain caused. Resentment was the response chosen. Awarding badges of honor — a purple heart and a bronze star, wearing them as a survivor of battles from pain suffered with unforgiveness.
More importantly, there was the underlying shame and frustration for being able to be hurt, feeling unworthy, and wondering and wrestling with worthiness.
With a healthy attitude, a logical mind, and a good heart, there is still pain. Being strong, resilient, and capable, yet holding on to past hurts. I was holding onto things as a remembrance, a trophy, a metal. Somewhere inside, believing it was protecting.
Forgiveness has been talked about since the writings of the bible. One article I found mentioned forgiveness is mentioned 127 times between the old and new testaments (Jordan, n.d.). With the Greek translation, it appeared over 140 times.
Jesus told us in Matthew that we should forgive 70 times 7 (NIV, Matthew 18:22), insinuating that we should always forgive.
"Only a fool would keep dealing with that person, and they must continue forgiving. What a waste of time!"
Islam teaches people to be forgiving; if someone sincerely asks for forgiveness, the wronged person should forgive him. "Whoever suffers an injury and forgives (the person responsible), Allah will raise his status to a higher degree and remove one of his sins." (Muhammad Gus, 2021)
The answer to my question, "Why is it such a big deal?"
It was not until sitting in meditation that it became clear what forgiveness was about — peace!
A beautiful backyard appears in the meditation. It had a lovely pool, beautiful limestone carved features, and a private fence with ivy. There was a patio with comfortable and attractive furniture. It was a dream backyard. Lush plantings and flowers framed the yard.
A sewage truck backed up to the pool and poured sewage into the pool. It was tangible — it was pungent. It hurt. There was sadness, anxiousness, pain, frustration, and heart-pounding hurt.
"What the **** is this? Un-forgiveness?"
The stinky sewer pool was unforgiveness. I do not want to be in a stinky sewer pool. I want to be crystal clear, inviting, and refreshing—a safe place of refreshment and relaxation.
Forgiveness is freedom, releasing, cleaning out, and letting go
Forgiveness is not telling someone what they did was right or okay; it is releasing what happened, so we are not carrying it around. So, the pool (heart, mind, and soul) is fresh, clean, and inviting. We release so that we are not swimming around in poop!
Imagine we kept every schoolbook that we had ever used with us. We would take all of them everywhere we went. We would take them all days of our life. How can we live our best life hauling all the books around? Weighed down, inhibited, held back, struggling to move them from place to place.
The primers, English books, foreign language books, science books, 7th-grade math, 8th-grade math books, 9th-grade math books, trigonometry, algebra, calculus, social studies books, civics books… and carrying all of them everywhere throughout life.
Now, let us move on to the trade school and college books—all the manuals for purchased items. Burdened, weighed down, how can we keep all of this in order? Learn the lessons, leave books behind, and move forward. That is just what we are doing.
I choose to clean my pool. If I do not choose to let go, I am a sewage-filled, nasty pool. Keeping the negative is too much of a burden. It is my life/mind/heart that is dirty.
What could be worse?
David, the hubs, asked, "So, who backed the truck up to your pool?"
"What?"
"I did."
I choose my responses to my life experiences.
Knowing I am worthy of living my best life, I clean my pool. It will be work, but it will be well worth it when the pool is clean and refreshing again.
While people can have horrible things happen to them, what they do with their responses defines their lives.
In studying "A Course in Miracles", learning that not forgiving someone is punitive and not having compassion for their brokenness. If a person has a disease, we do not think they do because they do not love us enough, "if she loved me enough, she would not have cancer."
If someone has brokenness and acts out, it is about them
The frightened dog backed into a corner, showing its teeth and growling. What happened to them? There may be mental illness, and again, that is not about the people they harm — it is about their issues.
Healthy people do not choose to harm other people. Healthy people are often self-actualized and try to help others grow and encourage others to be their best. Most people mean well and do not wake up planning how to hurt their children, friends, spouse, or anyone else.
If toddlers have temper tantrums, screaming, and whaling, they express frustration, not because they want to harm anyone, but because they do not know how to handle their emotions and communicate their needs.
Forgiveness/letting go is work, but it is for all of us
Often, it is more than one-and-done. It is an actual grief cycle that we experience, like other losses or hurts. We grieve the pain and go through the cycle of grief, all the stages of grief (Holland, 2023).
An extremely compassionate thing that Maya Angelou said, something like, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better." (Maya Angelou, personal communication)
We learn and learn, and we learn. We re-experience the pain, something that triggers the memories, and each time we navigate the cycle, it goes faster and easier.
"If you were a good Christian, you would forgive and get over it!"
"If you were a good Christian, you would own all you did, ask for forgiveness, and help me get through it."
Asking for forgiveness and what it looks like
Someone who has trespassed and cares about what they did acknowledges what they did, verbalizes it, owns it, and asks for forgiveness. They respect the person to work through it in their own time. Dr Phil McGraw said on his television show, "They will work on it until…"
People need to work things out in their own time, as they need to. We do not rush people to forgive us when we have trespassed or caused pain. We respect them to decide for themselves if we care about them.
We thank some people for their lessons and continue our lives without them.
Let us create an oasis and keep it fresh and inviting. Let us put all the books down, put all the pain down, so we can go forward and have incredible new experiences. It means getting the lessons. Release the pain and hurt. Freedom to live the best life possible. A life centered on Peace, joy, and breathing freely.
Julia Mechlin, Reiki Master, Business Data and Reporting Analyst
Julia Mechlin is a wife, mother, navy veteran, business data and reporting analyst, QHHT Level II practitioner, reiki master, and founder of Quantum Oneness Center. She has dedicated her life to helping others to help themselves heal, recover from emotional, physical, and long-term trauma. She is in Southern Indiana and travels throughout the country to those who need help in their healing journey.
References:
Holland, K. (2023, May 17). The stages of grief and what to expect (L. et al., Ed.). healthline.com. Retrieved July 30, 2024
Jordan, J. M. (n.d.). How many times Is forgiveness mentioned In the Bible? (Importance of forgiveness). ChristianFaithGuide.com. Retrieved July 30, 2024
Muhammad Gus, M. (2021, February 21). The importance of forgiveness in Islam. Premium Times. Retrieved July 30, 2024
