Hello, I’m Mari and I’ve been a Brainz Magazine contributor for almost a year now. I write a lot from my experiences as an art and trauma therapist, along with my work as a teacher, healer, and coach.
In my free time, I love to play with my kitty cat, hang with my loving husband, and go on walks in nature. To recharge my batteries, you’ll find me in meditation, practicing breathwork, or sipping oat straw tea.
I spend a lot of time learning, reading or listening to books, and consulting with colleagues. I love to learn and am insatiably curious. However, I don’t consider myself scholarly because the best way I learn is through experience. This approach affects how I work and think. For instance, when I create a course or a workshop, I am sure to have experiential elements such as writing prompts, art-making prompts, movement, and guided meditations. I believe that learning needs to be alive, lived, and fun.
Mari Grande, Educator | Coach | Therapist
What is your business name and how do you help your clients?
I have 2 businesses that are separate but complementary. My first is my therapy business: Mari Grande, LCSW. Here is where I meet with clients individually or in a group setting, all online. Many clients come to me to feel better, understand their nervous systems better, and address their trauma. More and more, the trauma I come across is what I call a complex trauma. Meaning, it is not a single incident, like a car accident or an assault. Complex trauma is when something has been done to you, usually from an early age, and repeatedly done to you in a variety of ways. Some people are not even aware they have this, only that they keep losing jobs, have failed or non-existent relationships, experience high levels of anxiety, or have low self-esteem even when their life is seemingly admirable and successful.
My other business is called Creative Healing Integration, Inc. I call this one CHI for short. This is where I offer courses, workshops, newsletters, blogs, and resources like guided meditations, quizzes, and freebies. This is also where I run my signature program: Overcoming the Mother Wound. The program currently has 3 courses on Overcoming the Mother Wound (OCMW). An immersive 11- week all-inclusive program, an evergreen self-study, and a foundations course for those who want to join the online therapy group.
I am also currently launching a new offering, a membership site to join after you have completed one of the courses. This is where you have a private online community, monthly live calls, and continued access to your course in case you want to refer back to any content.
What kind of audience do you target your business towards?
I love my audience. These are people who are open-minded, open-hearted, and genuinely want to heal themselves and this planet.
Healing often has the shadow reputation of being selfish, self-serving, etc., yet to be able to help and heal, we must be whole. The light side of healing is that the more we have of ourselves the more we can give to others. That is my motto, my belief, and my experience.
The OCMW program influences my therapy work because the healing of attachment wounds underlies therapy work, and my CHI programs are heavily influenced by my work as a therapist. The OCMW program was originally called DOCM (Daughters of Critical Mothers). The group developed out of a need with my therapy clients, predominantly women struggling with a maternal attachment figure.
I have not yet opened the program to men, not sure yet if that is mine to do, but I have not closed that door as a possibility.
What is your work inspired by?
The work and wisdom of attachment. My work with men and women, and my own personal deep dives, have made me acutely aware of the harm attachment wounds create. This affects how we feel about ourselves, how we feel with others, how we view the world, and even our sense of efficacy and worthiness within a global environment.
I’ve learned to call this the Mother Wound. It starts with our very first experience of the other and goes as deep as our connection to our internal soul.
You mention attachment wounds and the mother wound. What is the mother wound?
That is a great question! I write a lot about this in my Brainz articles and it’s the basis for many of my courses and workshops.
A mother wound is an attachment wound but it is the “mother” of all wounds. It is the one we first experience. Our mother is usually our first relationship and usually our most enduring. The one who held us before we were in this world. That connection is so deep, so pure, so essential to being alive. What happens once we come into this world, as vulnerable, needy bundles of love depend greatly on who cares for us.
That care is usually from a maternal figure, often a female, but not always. Often the mother, but not always. I refer to the mother wound as it is most commonly a mother figure that is caring, interacting, raising, and impacting the child’s well-being. The father figure may be impacting the mother, or the child, and the mother is usually present and/or aware of those interactions.
The wound can occur at any age, usually there are indicators very early in life but it is often overlooked, depending on the type and severity of the wound.
An example of a wound is when a child is very proud of something they did at school and is excited to share it at home but mom is too busy. She’s cooking dinner and changing the diapers of the twins and is annoyed that you are asking for her attention because she might otherwise burn dinner and dad will be furious. Here, the wound is one of being dismissed and you are left feeling unimportant or not valued. You might even pitch in prepping dinner or changing diapers and become mommy’s helper. At least you are near her and carry the hope of making her feel better so she will want to make you feel better too. Most often, your needs are missed, ignored, and devalued.
If this happens once– or if it happens when mom is not so overwhelmed– and she comes to that child, thanks the child for helping, acknowledges she was not behaving as she would like to have been, then addresses the feelings the child might have, listens to them, and earnestly asks about what they did at school and pays attention to it… That wound can be repaired and a bond with mom is built.
Instead, what may happen is that this gets repeated and the child learns that ‘to be with mom is not to be you,’ and you may be a very good helper yet you probably don’t even realize how angry this makes you. Until you reach adulthood and find yourself to be a raging alcoholic or perennial people pleaser, without imagination or a life of your own.
There are many more types of wounds, depending on how you were treated, seen, and understood by your maternal figure.
How would you know if you have one?
Another great question!
If you are wondering, I have a Mother Wound Quiz. This quiz gives you a sense of where you stand. However, the best guide is you.
How are your relationships? Do they last? What is communication like? Are they satisfying?
What about your self-confidence? Have trouble taking in compliments? Making decisions?
Do you dread change?
If these sorts of questions give you pause, there is a good chance there is a mother wound lurking beneath.
What’s the difference between a mother wound and any other emotional wound?
Love it! These are great questions.
First, they are both emotional wounds. A mother wound is an internal wound, our emotional wounds are internal. Emotional wounds are created in relationship to one another. A hurt, a disappointment, a broken promise, a sense of being ignored or criticized– these are the makings of emotional wounds. When we have a mother wound, further emotional wounds dig deeper and cut harder because there is already a wound.
When we have a feeling of not being seen or valued for who we really are it puts us in a very vulnerable, fragile state of being. To avoid feeling this way we often build walls, pick fights, or get so busy we don’t have to feel or see any of it.
The best method to heal from attachment wounds
Amazingly, the best way to heal from attachment wounds is to be NOT ALONE. Be with someone reliable, trustworthy, and emotionally present. This is a relationship wound and it needs to be healed in relationship to another. Initially with a safe other, then in time, being with a group of others in a safe space, sharing a similar concern. Maybe not at first, but eventually being with others who have experienced a similar wound can be extremely healing.
Before that can happen its best to talk with someone. Someone who understands the development stages of childhood and the attachment needs at any age. This could be a therapist, coach, mentor, or pastor.
In your Blogs you often mention “befriending” feelings. What does that do?
Yes, and I think this comes from the framework of “Parts” (Internal Family Systems and Ego States). I think of feelings and beliefs as parts of us. Have you ever seen the animated movie “Inside Out”? That’s a great way to illustrate the framework.
You see if we have all these thoughts and feelings rolling around inside of us, my stance is to find out what they want to say.
I used to work with children, from PreK to High School. These kids could get loud, demanding, and insolent (depending on the age group). I could scream back at them to shut up, punish them and take their snacks away, lock them out and send them to the principal’s office. OR I could listen. Let them know I hear them, meet with them one at a time, and find out what they are wanting. This took time, patience, and support from my environment (in this case, my staff).
Using the teacher’s metaphor, I start by listening to the loudest part and acknowledging its presence. That right there can make a huge shift. Even a critic often has an admirable agenda like making everyone happy, but did not realize their approach was not effective.
Why would someone want to take one of your courses?
My courses are an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your relationship with others.
Depending on which course you choose, there is a group component. This is where you find more support and encouragement from your peers (and me, too).
We start with a couple of assessments and quickly move into learning about ways to support ourselves, which I refer to as ‘resourcing the nervous system.’
The courses are quite in-depth and you can take them at your own pace, even though I suggest a rhythmic weekly lesson. There is no expiration date for the course as long as I’m still here, and I have no departure plans to date.
The courses include art making, writing prompts, guided meditations, psychoeducation, modules on relational attachment, as well as types of mother wounds.
It is a great foundation for learning more about yourself, your relationships, and how they may have been impacted by your early experiences.
Who inspires you to be the best that you can be?
Great minds, big hearts, and creative souls. People like Barack and Michelle Obama, Peter Levine, Stephen Porges, Artemisia Gentileschi, and Frida Kahlo to name a few.
Tell us about a pivotal moment in your life that brought you to where you are today.
I suppose it was my near-death experience. I was on a path to becoming an artist, just completed my BFA with winning accolades, and took time off to visit family in Greece before going on for an MFA. What do they say? Make plans and God laughs?
While on a vacation in Chios, riding on the back of a Vespa, going around a bend, a drunk driver mistook us for the road… Needless to say, I’ve had a full recovery, with lots of support and love from family, friends, and a multitude of healers and medical professionals.
From that healing process, I moved from desiring to become an artist to becoming an art teacher, and eventually an art therapist, and trauma therapist. The culmination of all that is that I identify as a helper and healer that uses creativity and life’s force in her work.
What would you like to achieve for yourself and your business in the future?
My business is a holistic, health, and personal growth-oriented one. I combine traditional healing with the science of “woo” grounded in research, study, and experience.
I’d love my offerings to be available for whoever needs them, wherever they need them. In particular, my signature program Overcoming the Mother Wound.
The Mother Wounds touch us so deeply. Helping others reconnect to that essential part of ourselves that may have been misunderstood, ignored, or even abused is what I hope to help heal with my business.
My programs are all online, whether I am live on Zoom or in a pre-recorded event. This allows my programs to grow and allows me to create, recharge, and be available more fully for my holistic healing business in meaningful ways.
What would you recommend for someone just starting to reflect on their mother wound journey?
You may want to take my Mother Wound Quiz
There are a few books I recommend that can help orient you to whether you may have a mother wound. They are found here
If you find you want more check out the offering here.
