Karen Tomasi is passionate about providing holistic guidance and support to those going through a Divorce or Breakup. She helps them transform their lives by overcoming their feelings of overwhelm, loss, and heartbreak through a process of healing, self-empowerment, re-discovery of their true selves and the creation of a new and inspired life.
During a recent coaching session with a client, we discussed empowerment, in particular setting and maintaining boundaries.
I asked my client what her experience had been in this regard. After reflecting, she said that she had never really set boundaries. She had been brought up to believe that it was essential to take care of the needs of everyone at all times. This included her kids, parents and family, friends, colleagues and the wider community. So whenever anyone needed help or assistance, my client would be contacted and she would be ready to assist however she could.
This is a very honourable thing to do. Well, at least at face value, it is. I asked my client how it made her feel being there for everyone whenever and however at the drop of a hat. She paused momentarily and said that she liked to help but felt like she never had time to relax or have fun. She felt like she was nearly always running on an empty fuel tank. She said it would be lovely to recharge her batteries sometimes without feeling obliged to help or guilty if she didn't.
This must have made my client feel low in energy and down at times. This is something of a classic story. All too often, girls have grown up having been taught to be good girls and to put others first. They usually are not taught, though, that everything is about balance. We need to have our own tank full before we can genuinely help overs from the overflow. If our tank is depleted and running on empty for too long, it can leave us feeling depressed and also can lead to illness. That then means reaching a point where it is not even possible to help.
We need to practice self-care to remain vibrant, happy and able to care for others. Maybe you were taught that self-care is selfish. The truth is that looking after ourselves is vital to our sense of well-being.
We all know that when we fly, the hostess instructs us that if we need an oxygen mask, we must put our own on first before helping others. Well, it's the same principle with self-care and helping others.
If we please others just for the sake of it (people-pleasing), we will feel disempowered, and that will affect the quality of our lives.
So, if you're not used to setting boundaries, what do you think will happen if you start setting them suddenly with others? How will they react? Some may be bemused, or some may even act negatively towards you. If you get an adverse reaction, it's because those others are used to you always agreeing to do everything and may have taken you for granted at times.
Of course, common sense should always prevail if others request our assistance or help. Sometimes, assisting is really important, but it is also good to know when you can politely refuse. It will also make you feel good about yourself that you finally get to say no sometimes and no longer let others take advantage. It's about honouring, loving and respecting yourself whilst always being courteous with others at the same time.
Below is a list of key benefits of setting and maintaining boundaries
Self-Respect:
Establishing boundaries demonstrates that you value yourself and your needs. It communicates to others that you have a sense of self-worth and won't tolerate behaviour that undermines it.
Emotional Well-being:
Boundaries protect your emotional well-being by preventing others from crossing lines that cause stress, anxiety, or harm. They help you create a safe space to feel comfortable and secure.
Maintaining Autonomy:
Boundaries allow you to maintain a sense of autonomy and independence. They ensure you can make decisions without feeling pressured or manipulated by others.
Healthy Relationships:
Clear boundaries are essential for building and maintaining healthy relationships. They establish mutual respect and help prevent misunderstandings, conflicts, and resentment.
Personal Growth:
Setting boundaries encourages personal growth by promoting self-awareness and self-reflection. It requires you to consider your own needs, desires, and limits, which can lead to greater self-understanding and fulfilment.
Respect for Others:
Boundaries protect one's own rights and needs and encourage one to respect the boundaries of others. They also foster empathy and understanding in relationships, creating a more harmonious and supportive environment.
Increased Productivity:
Establishing boundaries in professional settings can help increase productivity and reduce burnout. Clear boundaries around work hours, responsibilities, and communication channels help maintain a healthy work-life balance and prevent overload.
Personal Integrity:
Boundaries are an expression of your integrity and values. They allow you to stay true to yourself and uphold your principles, even in challenging situations.
Stress Reduction:
By clearly defining your limits and expectations, boundaries help reduce stress.
Empowerment:
Setting and enforcing boundaries empowers you to take control of your life and assert your needs and preferences. It gives you the confidence to advocate for yourself and pursue what truly matters.
Boundaries are essential for fostering healthy relationships, promoting well-being, and supporting personal growth and fulfilment. Learning to set and respect boundaries is a valuable skill that can positively impact all areas of your life.
If you would like holistic guidance, support and a safe and loving space on your transformative journey, contact me at info@karentomasi.com (and for further info: click here or visit my websites: https://karentomasi.com/ and https://program.karentomasi.com/
Karen Tomasi, Holistic Breakup & Divorce Coach
Karen Tomasi is an accredited holistic Breakup & Divorce Coach & Intuitive Healer focusing on Self-Empowerment. Having experienced a painful divorce followed by a Spiritual Awakening during the Covid-19 Global Pandemic, she has embarked on a personal journey of transformation more than once. Her signature transformation programme, "Breakup to Breakthrough," is designed to guide and support individuals on their transformative journeys before, during or after divorce or breakup.
