Jen Legaspi is a trauma-informed, certified Master Life Coach, author of Brave Wise Woman, and yoga teacher. After her second divorce in her 40s, she faced the inevitable question, ‘What now?’ This led her down a path of healing and self-discovery, including exploring a new life on her own in Mexico for a year and a half and finding healthy romantic love after 50. She now enjoys helping post-divorce women over 40 discover their own answers to that question. Her compassionate guidance creates a soft space for them to land.
Jen Legaspi, Master Life Coach
Introduce yourself! Please tell us about you and your life, so we can get to know you better.
I’m a trauma-informed, certified Master Life Coach and Integrative Wellness Coach. I love helping divorced midlife women figure out what their next life chapter will look like. My book, Brave Wise Woman, delves into my personal journey of healing from divorce. I’m also a long-time yoga practitioner and teach yoga, a recovering perfectionist and people pleaser, and a huge fan of dog rescue videos.
Born and raised in San Francisco, I love immersing myself in sunshine and nature—whether it’s at the beach or in the mountains. I’m on an adventure right now, traveling and rediscovering myself again through my next courageous action. I just spent the last year and a half living in Mexico on my own and am excited about exploring my next chapter.
What inspired you to write your book about learning to love yourself after your divorce?
Having been through it twice, I know how painful the divorce process can feel. Not only has the marriage died, so have your hopes and dreams, your shared friend group, family, routines, and most importantly, your identity. Yet, it can also be a transformative time to ask the questions: Who am I, really? Who do I want to be? What needs to change?
The first time I went through a divorce, I wasn’t ready to ask these questions. I just wanted to put it all behind me and move forward, which led me to repeat unhelpful patterns in my life.
By my second divorce, in my 40s, I knew I needed to choose differently on my healing journey. I had already been doing some soul searching early on in our separation process and I realized my self-worth was in the toilet. I saw my pattern: being in one relationship after another throughout most of my adult life, without understanding why or learning what I needed to.
So, I had to ask those bigger questions and bring intentionality to my healing. I didn’t have a roadmap, but I knew I needed to step back from relationships to focus on the inner work required to take responsibility for my part in the end of my marriage. I needed to go deeper to heal those patterns.
I never imagined I’d write a book about what I learned. But three years post-divorce, I realized my personal stories might resonate with other women and inspire them to go on their own healing journey after a divorce or breakup.
What was your journey like in changing old beliefs and finding healthy love later in life, and what were some of the toughest parts of that journey?
This is a great question with a complex answer!
Healing isn’t a one-time event; we often revisit the same wounds or issues from different angles.
Initially, it was about cognitive understanding. I read self-help books, and the most impactful one for me was about attachment styles. It gave me the language to explain my relational experiences—not just in my love life, but in my interactions with family, colleagues, and friends.
As I began working with a coach, the focus shifted from mental work to somatic and unconscious processes. I became aware of how my trauma influenced my life and uncovered limiting beliefs, such as ‘love and connection have to be earned,’ ‘security comes from outside me,’ and ‘I’m not enough as I am.’ These beliefs didn’t just affect my love life; they shaped my entire life!
Changing beliefs isn’t about repeating affirmations. It’s more about digging into what’s really happening inside and working through the deeper emotional and mental layers. I had to change my relationship with the emotional pain that led to these beliefs, practice questioning my thoughts, and regulate my nervous system. I use this mind-body approach with my clients today because it facilitates lasting change by addressing the root causes rather than symptoms.
Once I began to shift my relationship with my internal world, I started relating to my external world differently. This included being able to show up for myself and navigate romantic relationship dynamics in a healthier way.
One of the toughest parts in my journey was realizing that grief is actually a key part of the whole change process. We have to grieve what we never received when we were young, as well as versions of ourselves we are leaving behind, to fully embrace who we are becoming.
How did moving to Mexico by yourself contribute to your personal healing and growth journey, and what advice would you give to others considering a similar bold step?
I had often dreamed of living in another country but never felt I could do it. I reached a point in my healing journey where I realized I hadn’t yet made a significant, sovereign life decision. The idea of moving to Mexico emerged organically, and I knew in my heart it was my next chapter. I decided and it was done. It was the first time I experienced such ease and confidence in my choices.
Mexico taught me two things. It showed me how our environment affects our nervous system. Being immersed in a beach setting with jungle sounds instead of a metropolitan area was incredibly grounding for me. I noticed that practices like yoga and breathwork are valuable, and an overwhelming environment can be stressful and challenging for maintaining balance. After a year there, I felt more settled and self-assured, taking bolder steps in my life without a lot of anxiety.
The second lesson was about safety. As we push our comfort zones, what we think of as safety changes, too. My old, limiting belief was ‘safety means not taking risks.’ Now, I see safety as the ability to navigate and adapt to new circumstances with confidence.
My advice is this: At the end of the day, the only permission you need to do what you want and live how you want is your own.
In your experience, what are the most common obstacles women face in reclaiming their personal power and how do you help them overcome these challenges?
When women emerge from divorce, they often face fear and uncertainty about the future—questions like, "What will I do now? Can I make it on my own? Will I ever find love again?" It’s completely understandable. I’ve been there myself.
Beneath this fear often lies a deeper struggle with self-doubt and worthiness. While each woman’s experience is unique, common challenges include neglecting their own needs and desires, struggling with boundaries, avoiding or invalidating their emotions, and engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors.
I take a holistic approach—addressing the mind, heart, and body—to uncover what might not be immediately visible: their self-view, their perspectives on others and the world, and how these perspectives have shaped their beliefs and behaviors. I guide them in healing lingering emotional wounds beneath their fear and unhelpful patterns, and use a somatic approach to build safety and self-trust. Along the way, my clients also take actionable steps toward their life goals.
Fear’s primary role is to protect us from threats. But when we stay in a constant state of fear, it can keep us stuck in familiar patterns—even if they’re unhelpful or undermine our personal power—because they feel safe. Our brains are wired to look for safety and predictability. So, by working holistically to change our relationship to fear, we can start creating new, empowering patterns to support the life we want to create.
Next steps
Are you a midlife woman wondering ‘What now?’ after divorce and eager to create a meaningful new chapter in your life? Work 1:1 with me in my private coaching practice.
Visit my website or contact me directly through Instagram or Facebook for more information on how to get started. Keep an eye out for my upcoming articles on Brainz, too!
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