Written by: Amber Howard, Senior Level Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
As I sit down to write about the challenges we face in asking for help, I can't help but reflect on my own journey. It's a story that many of us share in one form or another – the story of struggling silently, believing that seeking help is synonymous with weakness or failure. It took me 43 years to break free from this belief and discover the profound difference between support and help, and the newfound freedom that came with it.
Support vs. Help: Unraveling the nuances
Before we delve into the depths of why asking for help can be such a Herculean task, it's essential to distinguish between two terms that are often used interchangeably – support and help. While they both offer assistance, they play vastly different roles in our lives.
Support encompasses a broad spectrum of actions and emotions. It can be as simple as a friend lending a listening ear, a coworker offering advice, or a family member providing encouragement. Support is the safety net that keeps us buoyant as we navigate the trials and tribulations of life. It's the subtle yet powerful force that helps us carry our burdens, knowing we are not alone.
Help, on the other hand, often implies a more direct intervention. It's the act of receiving concrete assistance, like someone coming to your aid in a time of need. Help might manifest as financial support, physical assistance, or professional guidance. While support can be passive and subtle, help is an active, often immediate solution to a problem or challenge.
The distinction between the two is crucial because, for many, asking for help feels like admitting vulnerability, whereas seeking support can be seen as a natural and essential part of human interaction.
The shackles of shame: My personal struggle
I vividly remember the moment I realized that I carried a subconscious belief that asking for help was shameful. It was a belief that had unknowingly governed my actions and choices for decades. This revelation came to me when I turned 43 years old, and it was a moment of both deep introspection and liberation.
Growing up, I was instilled with the idea that independence was the pinnacle of strength. My parents, unintentionally, had raised me to believe that asking for help was a sign of weakness, unknowingly modeling behaviour that we should not be a burden to others. This belief had woven itself into the very fabric of my identity, and I carried it with me into adulthood.
As a result, I became a master at self-sufficiency, or so I thought. I would labor tirelessly to overcome obstacles, convinced that seeking help would tarnish my image. I became an island, isolated by my own pride and fear. Little did I know that this belief was preventing me from fully embracing the beauty of human connection and collaboration.
The turning point: Discovering the freedom in asking for help
It wasn't until I hit a particularly rough patch in my life that I began to question the validity of this belief. The weight of my circumstances had become too much to bear alone, and in my darkest moments, I was forced to confront my resistance to asking for help.
Amid this struggle, I began to distinguish between support and help. I realized that seeking help wasn't an admission of weakness but a recognition of shared humanity. It was an acknowledgment that no one, no matter how strong or self-reliant, can navigate life's challenges entirely on their own.
As I reached out for help and experienced the kindness and generosity of those around me, something profound happened. I felt a sense of connection and gratitude that I had never known before. I realized that asking for help wasn't a sign of weakness but a courageous act of vulnerability. It was an invitation to connect on a deeper level with others and to tap into the collective wisdom and strength of our shared human experience.
The resistance to asking for help
My journey is not unique. Many of us carry deep-seated resistance to asking for help, and the reasons for this resistance are multifaceted.
Limiting Beliefs: As in my case, we often harbor limiting beliefs about what it means to ask for help. These beliefs can be ingrained from childhood, shaped by societal norms, and perpetuated by our own insecurities. We must challenge and redefine these beliefs to liberate ourselves from the shackles of shame.
Societal Norms and Expectations: Society often glorifies self-sufficiency and independence. We're bombarded with messages that tell us we should be able to handle everything on our own. This societal pressure can make it difficult to admit when we need assistance.
Early Childhood Environments: Our upbringing plays a significant role in shaping our attitudes toward help. Those raised in environments where asking for assistance was discouraged or stigmatized may carry these attitudes into adulthood.
Fear of Rejection: The fear of being rejected or judged when we ask for help can be paralyzing. We worry that our vulnerability will be met with indifference or disdain, further reinforcing our reluctance to seek assistance.
The importance of practicing asking for help
As we begin to challenge these barriers and embrace the idea of asking for help, one crucial aspect comes into play – the importance of practice. Just like any other skill, asking for help is something that we can improve with practice.
Start Small: If you're uncomfortable with the idea of asking for help, start with small, manageable requests. Perhaps it's asking a friend for a simple favor or seeking guidance on a minor issue at work. These small steps can build your confidence and gradually expand your comfort zone.
Recognize Your Progress: Celebrate your successes along the way. Each time you ask for help and receive it, take a moment to acknowledge your courage and the positive outcomes that result from your vulnerability.
Seek Out Supportive Communities: Surround yourself with people who understand the importance of asking for help and encourage you to do so. Join support groups or communities that promote mutual assistance and understanding.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey. Understand that it's okay to make mistakes or encounter resistance. Self-compassion allows you to learn and grow from these experiences without self-judgment.
Not sure if you need help? Check out this awesome article by Janylene Turcotte “10 Signs It May Be Time To Ask For Help”.
The rewards of openness
When we become open to receiving help, a world of possibilities opens up. We discover the strength in vulnerability, the power of human connection, and the wisdom that comes from collective experience. We no longer bear the weight of our challenges in isolation but share them with a community of fellow travelers.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it is an affirmation of our shared humanity. It is an invitation to connect, grow, and thrive together. So, let us break free from the chains of shame and embrace the profound difference between support and help, for in doing so, we unlock the true essence of being human – the beauty of togetherness in the face of life's challenges.
As we continue to practice and normalize asking for help, we not only liberate ourselves but also create a more compassionate and supportive world where everyone has the freedom to seek assistance when needed. It's a journey of self-discovery and empowerment that leads us to the realization that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a testament to our strength and resilience as human beings.
Amber Howard, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Amber Howard is an internationally recognized business leader, best-selling author, executive coach, and management consultant. With expertise in leadership, personal resilience, and business transformation, she inspires individuals and organizations to reach their full potential. Amber's strategic guidance, transformative coaching, and multifaceted certifications make her a sought-after expert in various disciplines. As a podcast host and modern-day alchemist, she shares her wisdom and facilitates profound transformations, helping individuals unlock their true potential. Amber's impact extends globally, leaving an indelible mark on the world of business and personal development.
