Written by: Janet M. Harvey, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Are you similar to most leaders who witness stressful Resistance in the workplace and then get stressed out trying to figure out what to do about it? Unfortunately, Resistance is one example of interference with workplace performance that leaders navigate daily, and all too often in their personal lives, as goals sometimes conflict and generate Resistance from everyone in their life!
“It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” – Albert Einstein
Leaders at every level, from the frontline to the boardroom, need help to deal with the messiness of relationships and social connections in our VUCA world. Unfortunately, seeking quick relief from the tension often amplifies the problem because the action relies on incomplete information. The alternative to a revolving door of the same thorny problems is to negotiate to get something worthwhile rather than stay stuck and get nothing, or worse yet, make faulty decisions.
Resistance from others generates internal Resistance that festers, putting the brakes on necessary Risk Taking to engage with the constant change. Over time, Resistance provokes destructive leadership and acceptable incivility that's not visible yet, negatively impacting retention and attraction. Just glance at Glassdoor to see how easy it is to damage the company's reputation in the minds of prospective personnel.
Developing the mindset and skill set for leaders to get comfortable in discomfort has a gap. Organizations will only attract talented employees when they can create an environment where people can bring out their whole selves. Those they retain will shrink back from contributing to their full potential. Leaders must engage in social connection. And when we are emotionally stressed, connecting with ourselves is hard enough, let alone having any extra internal resources to be with others in a grounded way.
The key to navigating any tension is to hold a little longer in that uncomfortable state until you see a recombination of both sides. The recombining occurs by practicing curiosity and looking more closely at what motivates the rise of the tension. The multiplicity of sources and interdependence within the system of an enterprise, inside the industry, and operating in many different geographies, governance, and cultures poses a lot of answers for what motivates the rise of tension. As Einstein said, leaders who stay with a problem in discomfort from a mindset of curiosity and wonder can see that many more than one right and worthy answer exists for every situation. Examining through the lens of either of the tension qualities gives a giant playground to determine what solutions to thorny problems could be.
The critical concept for leaders answers this question: "How does someone learn to tolerate the tension of presence?" We all know what it means to let things go and trust the unknown. We also know how to build on what we know. There is a line between the two states of being: the tension of presence. When I started working with this idea, I explored each dilemma as a polarity and then as a paradox, which was utterly unsatisfying. This kind of dualistic thinking, getting caught in the ping pong game between two states of being, didn't work to generate new solutions. Instead, leaders described feeling a pendulum swing back and forth and trying to reconcile between building on the known and trusting the unknown wastes a lot of time and needs to clarify how to stop the swinging.
The diagram below introduces a set of everyday tensions that our research with over 250 leaders revealed. The presence of tension tolerated for a little bit longer became a way to see how to foster freedom, turning what appeared to be damaging as a resource to see what change to invite and, through that, generate a more desirable state, e.g., momentum toward acceptable Risk Taking with something new by embracing and addressing the source of Resistance rather than suffer the destructive effect of paralyzing Resistance.
When you put Risk Taking and Resistance on opposite ends of a line, you know that sometimes Resistance is healthy. It suggests that the thing we've been doing is comfortable and stabilizing. We're all feeling the tension of being asked to change, to take a risk on something unknown. We might like the idea associated with the Risk and are not sure or confident about the outcome and impact by moving forward. But we go to Resistance too fast without reflecting on what Risk-taking contributes and serves. We might perceive something as reckless, perhaps impulsive and damaging; only we risk having that based on faulty information. We don't want to spend time only on what's scary about Risk-taking without thinking through the influence and impact of new choices associated with a specific invitation to take a risk, including those unintended (optimistic and potentially damaging), because we didn't include all the affected audiences of the decision in the exploration of the thorny problem.
We also want to spend only some of our time in Resistance. There's some ratio between the two that works. When we can physically stand somewhere between them, feel both of them and sense what's useful and what's not known or misunderstood, so we stay alert to what's happening right before us, we will make better decisions. As we shift our mindset, we think about resources differently. Ultimately, a more deliberate decision-making process mitigates many things that cause expensive rework and emotional frustration for all involved.
Three Ideas for the tension of presence: resistance and risk taking
1. What do you do with a direct report that shows signs of Resistance? They seem withdrawn, shut down, and doing nothing more than the bare minimum. They seem defensive when offered suggestions and feedback; they're guarded and not bringing their best skills and creativity to their work. Responsibility to create an enjoyable workplace climate begins with each leader. When a leader chooses to pause when they're annoyed or frustrated or maybe even about to say something they're going to regret later, a mindset shift that remembers every person has experience and presence beyond any situation allows curiosity to bubble up. The most important thing we can do to help shift that mindset is to create an atmosphere of trust. What does it take to build trust? Well, it involves things like:
Listening rather than telling.
Inviting their insight rather than instructing based on your knowledge.
Choosing curiosity over judgment.
Creating a space where your associate, or your direct report feels like they can say and communicate what is most important to them.
Leaders must adopt hearing ears and observing eyes for these four behaviors to occur. This mindset shift also requires patience and consistency over time so that leaders rebuild relationships based on the belief, from direct experience, that the leader genuinely respects and invites honest and transparent engagement.
2. The second idea focuses on shifting from a performance to a developmental mindset. Performance is essential in any organization, and obviously, we have to focus on the output and what we are going to be accomplishing, but at the end of the day, what's most important to our associates to our direct report is what's going on for them around their work. Focusing on the person rather than the position will begin to open up and develop that trust and help them shift from that resistant mindset to an open and risk-taking mindset. So, we might ask them questions like:
"What matters to you most about your work?
"What challenges do you feel are in your way to bring your best self and work each day?"
"What interferes with using your competence and authority that I could remove to give you more autonomy?"
These questions communicate to our associates and colleagues at any level that we care about them as individuals, not just for the output and results they create.
3. And then the third idea for you is this. When leaders embody a mindset that everybody in the workplace has everything necessary to be at their best all the time, we listen differently. When we hear to learn from our actions and experience rather than focusing on failing and blaming, we sustain our attention looking forward to discovering the next set of right answers to thorny problems. We're all going to fail, and we're all going to have missteps, but when we're afraid of failing, that's when we move into our protective mode, and that squashes our passion and our creativity. You know, it's our job as managers and leaders to help our associates shift from a fear of failing to an invitation to learn. That's what is behind the whole idea of generativity and generative coaching. That we can learn and grow from all the experiences that we're having allows our associates and our direct reports to move from that closed mindset to that creative space and that willingness to go forward in risk-taking.
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Janet M. Harvey, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Janet M. Harvey is CEO of inviteCHANGE, a coaching and human development organization that shapes a world where people love their life’s work. Janet is a visionary leader in the global professional coaching industry with an International Coaching Federation Master Certification. Janet is an accredited educator who has engaged adults, teams, and global enterprises for nearly 30 years to invite change that sustains well-being and excellence. Janet uses her executive and entrepreneurial experience to cultivate leaders in sustainable excellence through Generative Wholeness™, a signature generative coaching and learning process for people and systems. Janet has served as a global board leader for ICF, as a director.
