Written by: Caroline Lewis, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Joy /dʒɔɪ/ [noun] a feeling of great pleasure and happiness. See Also: delight, jubilation, exultation, rejoicing, gladness, glee, exhilaration, elation, euphoria, bliss, ecstasy.
People experience joy in many different ways.
For some, true joy means allowing our bodies and souls to align with the depth of our values and greater purpose while celebrating the beauty of life with others who feel similarly.
Last year during Thanksgiving week, I had the opportunity to experience this when I attended an Iyengar yoga retreat facilitated by Avery Kalapa called “Return to Joy.”
I met Avery a year ago in an entrepreneurial coaching group and was immediately struck by their bright, innocent sage energy.
Avery is a non-binary person and rising leader in the yoga community at the intersection of yoga and social justice.
Their presence immediately communicates inclusivity through kindness, spontaneity, openness, and a true interest in who you really are.
They teach classical yoga while creating safe spaces for queer folks including LGBTQIA, trans, and non-binary folks to practice yoga. Avery is one of the few yoga teachers who hold yoga retreats specifically for queer and trans folks.
It is a rare attribute for a leader to hold and teach the wisdom of non-attachment to identity while simultaneously emphasizing the importance of identity and the body as a portal into self-love and collective liberation.
Avery embodies the joy of alignment in body and spirit.
I always felt welcomed, even when feeling shy and new to Iyengar yoga.
When teaching, Avery was attuned to everyone with ease, asking for consent regarding assists, requesting folks name their pronouns, and demonstrating the love and respect you can show someone through simply recognizing the person they know themselves to be instead of how society has conditioned you to assume they are.
I learned a lot from Avery during the retreat at Mar de Jade, a yoga, wellness, and vacation retreat center in Mexico.
On the Importance of Recognizing and Naming Gender Identity in Yoga
Avery: So much of the violence of cis-binary gender norms shows up in the body and affects how we are in our bodies. Recognizing and naming gender identity through the simple act of sharing pronouns and honoring each person as they know themselves to be, creates more inclusivity. It helps create a healing and embodied yoga space that affirms gender-diverse and trans people in showing up joyfully as themselves.
Beyond that, general society is structured around binary gender norms. We are indoctrinated with these beliefs in our minds and bodies, and this system is limiting for everyone, whether you are trans or cis gender. Cultivating embodied spaces that invite all of us to become freer in how we experience our bodies and ourselves, including beyond gender norms, is ultimately healing, regardless of gender identity.
On Choosing a Retreat/Gathering Location that is Values-Aligned
Avery: In modern society, money is tied to power and resources. As a retreat organizer, the choice of location is critical as we are directing a lot of business their way. Mar de Jade was the perfect choice to host Return to Joy and support an organization that is responsible, in relationship with the local community, and that gives back to its local community through local projects that uplift the people of the land. It’s not just a capitalist venture.
Apart from that, the energetic field of the retreat is also influenced by the place at which it is held. A lot of retreat centers are profit-driven and lack a connection to the local community. In contrast, Mar de Jade is an organization that is deeply embedded in the community. Created not just to provide spiritual healing but also to raise money for community projects, Mar de Jade’s purpose has always been rooted in social justice, equity, and doing good things in the community. Additionally, Mar de Jade places special emphasis on sustainable practices and was designed as an intentional community, rather than a fancy hotel, which also lent to its suitability for a yoga retreat like Return to Joy.
On Community
Avery: Community is a beautiful ideal that is extra important and even countercultural in a society that is so geared around individualism, competition, the myth of meritocracy, and other elements of white supremacy norms. The idea of creating community can even be anti-capitalist because it centers on interconnectivity and the importance of relational healing. Humans are not meant to be isolated lone wolves ‒ we thrive with networks of support and trust, secure attachment to others, having co-regulation for our nervous systems, and more. Ultimately, the ways we support and lift each other up can be profoundly healing and joyous.
However, community can also be tricky because they can become spaces where we play out our trauma patterns or our fears with others. Especially for people who hold marginalized identities, there may be tension between being accepted in a community or in society and being true to themselves and who they really are, and they may feel the need or pressure to shrink themselves to “fit in”.
My hope is that we can find community that is both a safe enough place for us to be our full radiant selves and ask for and receive help and support while trusting that it is also nourishing for the people on the other end and at the same time a place where there can be accountability and we can work through conflict when it arises.
On Their Particular Purpose in the Yoga Community
Avery: I see one of my purposes as being a bridge-builder between the different communities I am a part of. For example, I'm a part of the queer and trans yoga community, where there is a lot of amazing work being done by incredible folks, but they don’t have knowledge of anatomy or traditional yoga philosophy. On the other side of it, I was also trained in and teach the classical system of Iyengar yoga which can be really empowering and has a lot of valuable information for people, but it also tends to be very heteronormative and white. I think there is great value in trying to bridge the gap between these two communities and helping people on both sides access the goodness available from the other.
Another part of my particular purpose is to bridge certain dualities. I see myself as bringing a sense of levity, enthusiasm, and joy to yoga along with rigor, discipline, and deep study. I want to help my students understand that they can have both of these things. I also want to help people see that they can have a practice that is deeply physical while at the same time, rich in spirituality. Ultimately, the spirit and body are not separate.
On What Yoga Can Teach Us About Ourselves And How to Navigate Challenging Times
Avery: We are at an interesting moment in time where dominant culture and white culture have adopted and adapted so many indigenous healing practices. I don't think the answer is to stop practicing because, in some ways, these practices live on through us investing our experience in them. Instead, we can honor yoga’s roots and practice it in a way that disrupts some of these orientations that we have to ourselves and each other in life.
When we practice yoga in a way that includes the study of philosophy and spirituality, rather than merely trying to conform to some cultural aesthetic ideal, it can catalyze so much more possibility in our lives. It is possible to practice in a way that honors the traditional teachings and retains a connection to the people and culture of India. Start by looking at the roots of yoga and practicing in a way that is appreciative rather than appropriative as much as possible. This is something that we are always learning and is an iterative process we will continue for as long as we practice.
With deep roots and coming from a strong lineage, Iyengar yoga in particular, is unique compared to many other popular schools of yoga. This aspect of it can help us navigate unknowns, especially in this time of loss and massive transformation brought about by COVID, at a collective level and in our individual lives as well. Iyengar yoga is also oriented towards stability and alignment, not only of our physical bodies or bones and muscles and joints but also of our nervous system. Having a sense of how we can reorganize our mental and emotional patterns in a tangible embodied way helps us create an increased capacity for staying grounded and connected to our inner guidance through challenging times.
As humans, we often tend to want to turn away from a challenge or suffering. Iyengar yoga, on some level, asks us to develop a new relationship with challenges. Challenges can be a way to reclaim some of our agency and these experiences are a rich terrain for growth and integration. Having a practice of ashtanga yoga nourishes, relaxes, and relieves pain. Beyond that, it also allows us to perceive and relate to the world and its challenges differently than our old preset patterns would allow.
Reflections
When people, not just white cis-gendered people, feel safe in a space together practicing yoga, we can see and feel the ripple effect of this in our communities and society as a whole. Embodiment does not just mean existing within the present moment experience, but also the healing and stretching of the boundaries of our hearts. Aligning with the values we know to be true within our bodies is joy in the deepest sense and this shows up in all aspects of life ‒ even choosing a yoga retreat center. My conversations with Avery have crystallized for me the idea that we can surrender to both bliss as well as discomfort with more courage when we feel respected and held by the leader, by our community, and by the place.
Nestled between the tropical jungle and the pristine sandy beach of Chacala, Mexico, the location is ideal for anyone looking for a respite from their hectic city lifestyle in the rustic tenderness of nature. During our time spent in community at this retreat and private conversations with them, Avery shared many deeply insightful and eye-opening truths about yoga, gender, community, and more. I am showcasing some of their wisdom here to highlight these important perspectives as I believe we could all benefit from them.
Caroline Lewis, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Caroline Lewis (she,they) is a psychotherapist, energy healer, and wilderness guide. She believes true embodied joy is rooted in the courage to embrace sensitivity, opening our hearts through the necessary risks to love, grieve, hope, and transform. Through healing and sacred nature connection, Caroline guides wildly sensitive leaders with aligning with their true purpose and souls' wisdom during this time of ecological transition. She is the founder of Root Awareness which offers transformative experiences through nature adventures, meditation, process groups, and 1:1 healing and coaching sessions.
