Written by Cátia Pinto, Pediatric Sleep Coach
Cátia Pinto is a pediatric sleep coach. She dedicates her life to coaching parents teach their children to develop independent sleep skills, through a gentle and child-friendly approach. Her strategies follow the Sleep Sense system, which has helped over 100.000 families since 2003.
Parenting is a high-stakes endeavor, especially in today’s world where social media bombards us with information and comparisons. As a pediatric sleep consultant, I often encounter parents struggling with feelings of guilt and inadequacy, especially when their babies have trouble sleeping. One major contributor to these feelings is separation anxiety, a challenging phase when children panic if their mom isn’t around, affecting their ability to sleep soundly.
Understanding separation anxiety
Separation anxiety usually starts around 6-8 months, coinciding with the development of object permanence—the understanding that objects continue to exist even when out of sight. As your baby grasps this concept, they realize you might not come back when you leave, leading to panic. This reaction is natural and indicates a secure attachment to you. However, it can make bedtime or leaving them at daycare a moment of crying and panic.
Tips to ease separation anxiety and improve sleep
Here are eight tips to help ease separation anxiety, particularly as it relates to your child's sleep:
Lead by example: Your child picks up on your cues. If you show anxiety about being apart, they will too. Establish a safe, comforting sleep environment where they can fall asleep independently. Your calm demeanor can help them feel secure.
Don’t avoid it: Separation and reunion are important milestones. Avoiding them can hinder your child’s development. Let your child know it’s okay to be upset when you leave, and reassure them that you will always come back, even after sleep.
Start slow: Begin with short separations during the day before applying this at bedtime. Gradually increase the time you spend apart, allowing your child to adapt without overwhelming them.
Start with familiar faces: Leave your child with someone they already know and trust, like a grandparent or a close family friend. This familiarity can make the separation easier and translate to a more secure feeling at bedtime.
Stick around for a while: When your sitter or family member arrives, stay for a bit. This reassures your child that the caregiver is trustworthy, helping them feel more comfortable and secure when falling asleep.
Face the music: Avoid sneaking out to prevent a reaction. It’s important for your child to understand that you’ll leave sometimes and that you will return. This transparency helps build trust, crucial for a restful night’s sleep.
Establish a routine: A consistent bedtime routine helps your child recognize and accept the situation. A set number of kisses, a special phrase, and a clear indication of when you’ll be back can be comforting and make bedtime less stressful.
Speak in terms they understand: Instead of saying how long you’ll be gone, relate your return to their schedule. For example, “I’ll be back after your nap.” This helps them understand and feel more secure about your return.
Conclusion
These strategies won’t prevent your child from feeling upset when you leave, but they can help minimize the fuss and improve sleep. If your child’s anxiety seems extreme or persists, consider consulting a pediatrician, as there may be underlying issues like Separation Anxiety Disorder.
For typical separation anxiety, stay consistent, supportive, and calm. Over time, your child will learn that you always come back, a concept that will be useful even into their teenage years. So next time you head out for date night or leave the room at bedtime, you can reassure your little one with confidence: “I’ll be back soon!”
For more info, follow Cátia on Instagram, visit her Website or schedule a Discovery Call with her.
Cátia Pinto, Pediatric Sleep Coach
Cátia Pinto is a pediatric sleep coach. She dedicates her life to coaching parents teach their children to develop independent sleep skills, through a gentle and child-friendly approach. Her strategies follow the Sleep Sense system, which has helped over 100.000 families since 2003. Cátia is the founder of My Sweet Dreamer and also the mother of two, so she truly knows how sleep deprivation can negatively affect children and, inevitably, their parents. All the inherent feelings of guilt and tiredness end up preventing them from enjoying parenthood in full. Her mission: Help tired parents recover their well-deserved rested nights.
