Julie A. Christiansen is a leading authority on anger and emotional mastery. She is known as "The Anger Lady" and founded the Anger Solutions Program, the best evidence-based alternative to anger management. She is the author of The Rise of Rage (2024), and the host of the Free domology podcast.
Imagine reaching the pinnacle of your career, only to feel everything collapsing around you. This was the plight of Bob, a thriving businessman who, despite his apparent outward success, was engulfed by a storm of anger and stress. In the face of market downturns and personal turmoil, Bob’s journey from despair to transformation through the innovative Anger Solutions Coaching program illustrates a powerful narrative of overcoming adversity. His story is not just one of survival but of mastering one's emotions to reclaim control and rebuild one’s life.
When life fell apart
At 59 Bob* was a successful businessman. He had built his business from the ground up over 30 years and was well respected in his community. On the surface, it looked like Bob had everything going for him – health, wealth, a lovely family, and a beautiful wife; but beneath all of that he was being eaten alive by anger and stress.
“It was late summer 2007, and the markets were bottoming out,” he recalls. “Everything I had worked for was falling apart. My marriage was in shambles because of my anger, and I felt as though I was at the point of no return. I desperately needed rescue.”
Taking a chance on anger solutions
It was then that Bob sat down with me to share his challenges. He decided to try the Anger Solutions Coaching program to see if it would make a difference in the way he was coping with his intense stress and anger. At first, Bob resisted completing the tasks that I set out for him. “I didn’t want to look at myself. It was easier to just put my head down and concentrate on rescuing my business rather than do what was necessary to rescue myself. I wanted a shortcut to feeling better – I didn’t want to take time to do the work.”
Making a commitment to the work
After a few weeks of trying to do things his way, Bob relented and began working through the program in earnest. Within a few short weeks he began to experience a turnaround both in his mood and in his business. By the time he completed the fifteen-week program, his business had returned to a place of financial stability, and Bob had resolved many of the issues that were contributing to his stress and anger.
What is most interesting is that Bob readily admits that some of the challenges that were present at the beginning are still there; what is different now is that he has the tools he needs to deal effectively with those challenges as they arise, and he owes this to Anger Solutions Coaching.
Focus: Seeing anger through a different lens
Psych Central suggests that anger is a type of sibling to anxiety. While anger may manifest as anxiety for some, anxiety may also manifest as agitation or irritation if it is left unexpressed. People may experience symptoms like Bob did of inadequate or disturbed sleep, racing, disturbing, or catastrophic thoughts, and feelings of lack of control.
Anger has often been conceptualized as a “secondary” emotion, one that is fueled by other emotions. In fact, anger is a basic emotion that is part of the human construct. It will not go away, and it is not something that should be ‘managed’. Rather, the Anger Solutions model asserts that when people learn to look at the beliefs and expectations that underscore feelings of anger and stress, then seek to resolve them, every anger-inducing situation may be approached with confidence and assertiveness. In effect, when focus is shifted away from attempting to fix angry or anxious feelings and concentrated on solving the problem that generated the anger in the first place, often the emotion will resolve itself.
Think, say, and ask – A unique decision engine
The key to anger resolution is in a unique decision-making model that enables one to evaluate each anger-inducing situation before responding. Ask these eight key questions to work through each challenge.
The decision-making model is simple
What is happening? Step out of your feelings for a moment and evaluate the facts of the situation.
What does it mean to me? The meaning you assign to any situation will determine how you feel about it and what you will want to do next. Think carefully of what this situation means for you.
How do I feel about it? Carefully evaluate your feeling state and assign a word that best describes your emotions.
What is my desired long-term outcome (How would I like this to turn out)? What would be the best outcome both in the short- and the long-term? Don’t just think about fixing your feelings in the now: what are the “big” things that you would like to see happen because of or despite this event?
What can I do to obtain that outcome? Run through all the options available, even the ones that sound ridiculous or implausible.
What is the best thing that can happen if I choose each option?
What is the worst thing that can happen if I choose each option? You need to ensure you are fully informed of the pros and cons of each action. Too often, we only focus on the worst that could happen, and we avoid the action because of fear. Sometimes, choosing to only focus on the best thing that could happen results in making choices with horrible consequences. Consider all points of the spectrum.
What is the lifetime value of this event? If this event has no lifetime value, maybe the best thing to do is to walk away and forget about it. Perhaps you need to say something to stop the situation from getting worse, but you may not need to do a full dialogue because there is no lifetime value. When the situation involves people you love, family, close friends, teachers, coaches, police, or other authority figures, you will need to be more intentional about how you proceed with your communication.
Once you have considered what is happening – what it means, how you feel, and how you would like the situation to be resolved, Say something using assertive behavior and language – let the person know your perception of what is happening, how you feel about it, and how you would like to resolve the issue.
Ask for a response. Be sure to listen to what the other party says and continue this process until you agree to disagree, or you come to terms with how best to resolve the problem. This leads to better results because people are making decisions based on their desired outcome rather than just what will satisfy the anger in the moment.
Release residual anger through catharsis
Finally, once you have done the work of resolving the problem, release any residual anger so that your body’s energy and stress levels can return to baseline. Recent research published in Science Daily suggests that for catharsis (or releasing residual anger) to be effective one should focus on “low arousal” activities rather than doing a high intensity workout or going for a run. Low intensity or arousal activities such as stretching, deep breathing, yoga, or mindfulness meditation are healthy and safe. Other strategies might include going for a walk or engaging in relaxation.
Surprising outcomes
When Anger Solutions was developed the impact it had in mental health counselling, addictions treatment, education, corrections, and even in executive coaching came as a pleasant surprise. What may be most surprising is that the program has consistently maintained a success rate of 80% or higher from 2003 to present. Now a staple offering for many community agencies across Canada, the United States, and in the Caribbean, Anger Solutions is recognized as the single best evidence-based alternative to traditional anger management in the world.
All that matters to Bob is that it works. He is quick to declare that he believes Anger Solutions saved his life. “I had gotten so overwhelmed by my situation at one point that had Julie not been there coaching me along, I might have made some awful, irrevocable decisions. I realize now that ‘it is what it is’, and the only things that I can control are my choices and responses, and now I’m back on track.”
Bob's transformation is a testament to the life-changing impact of the Anger Solutions Coaching program. His journey highlights that true emotional mastery comes from confronting and resolving the underlying issues, not just managing the symptoms. Are you ready to embark on your own transformative journey? Discover how you can regain control, resolve deep-seated emotional challenges, and thrive in both your personal and professional life. Start your journey with Anger Solutions Coaching today and experience the profound change that comes from mastering your emotions. Reach out today to take that first step towards a more empowered and fulfilled life.
Read more from Julie A. Christiansen
Julie A. Christiansen, Speaker, Author, Registered Psychotherapist, Coach
Julie Christiansen has an extensive background in mental health counselling, public speaking that spans almost 30 years. She has authored fifteen books including The Rise of Rage. Julie's personal mission is to leverage people and organizations into radical, positive, lasting change. She fulfills this purpose with passion as a keynote speaker, podcaster, psychotherapist, and executive coach.
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