Written by: Jennifer Wert, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
In ALL relationships, one of the hardest and yet most important things to do is to not take things personally. When another human acts in a certain way, we’ve got to remember it’s not about us. It’s their choice and has to do with what’s going on inside of them.
This boundary-setting leads to healthy relationships, where we’re responsible for ourselves. Similarly, as invested and embedded in our children as we may be, we’ve got to practice this in our relationship with them.
Conscious parenting at times means detaching from our kids enough to see the ‘you’ and the ‘me’. To differentiate. To not become immeshed. To allow them to emancipate.
It can take work, but it’s a wonderful practice for deepening all relationships. It may sound counter-intuitive - to step back and hold boundaries means you become closer? But, it’s true.
Our children’s frontal lobes are developing; their hormones are changing. They have lots and lots of feelings about what's happening in the world and what’s happening to them and all this comes out, oftentimes sideways. At us.
We’re their safest place and we want to be this for them, however this means we are the ones who get to see it all - all their moods, their mess and their unfiltered rawness. Many kids save it up all day long, steeling themselves to act appropriately in public until they get home and can let down their walls with us.
It's our work to not take any of it personally. To stay as neutral as possible and allow them the freedom to have their emotions while maintaining boundaries.
When our kids are grumpy, rude or downright ornery, it’s super hard, but the work is on us not to take it personally. They’re having their own experience and ought to be allowed that.
When we’re resourced, we handle it more evenly. When we’re not, it’s of course harder to do so. But, the learning is there.
Taking care of ourselves by not taking it personally when our children are acting ungrateful or showing attitude will help us to hold space for them and remain neutral. This way they aren’t subliminally charged with taking care of us and we aren’t getting in the way of them expressing their feelings.
A reminder for all relationships - but most especially, the one with our children. The relationship we most want to be strong, safe and authentic. Don’t take it personally.
Jennifer Wert, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Professional Parent Coach, Jenn Wert, serves parents of young children around the globe who are looking for support in their conscious parenting. With a Master’s in Education, educator, and doula experience along with post-graduate social-emotional training, Jenn knows how to counsel parents who want to authentically communicate with their children. After decades of her own therapy, while concurrently working with many different family types, she brings honesty to her conversations and discernment to her listening that allows clients to grow. Jenn inspires parenting that is nurturing, true and transformative.
