Written by: Dr Clare Stone, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Recently having a piece of work completed for my business by an external contractor I commented “well done, you’ve fulfilled the brief and I am over the moon with the results, good job”. He then went quiet briefly and replied ‘wow I never hear compliments like that at work, all I ever seem to hear a complaints’. I was shocked but not surprised. Not because the person is not good enough at their job to receive such compliments, but merely because I recognise that it is often just not part of the conversation.
All too often, particularly in the workplace, we can be guilty of forgetting to offer praise when it is warranted, or perhaps we hold back from this. But why?
‘Thank you’
‘Well done’
‘Great job’
‘I appreciate that’
How often do we hear phrases like this in our workplaces or at home? I would bet, that for many of us, these types of comments are in the minority or non-existent. Why is this the case? Are we afraid that words of affirmation could cause people to grow a head so large that it has its own gravitational pull, that their egos become so out of control that it is a problem; or do we fear that they will stagnate and no longer aspire to greater things due to your praise? I suspect in most cases we simply forget to offer positive feedback, because we become so focused on making improvements or rectifying mistakes, that we underestimate the importance of saying ‘job well done’.
What Does Granny Say My own sense of the importance of praise comes from a variety of sources. The very first was an old fashion sense of manners taught to me overtly by dear old granny. Many years ago I remember her clearly communicating to me the importance of telling someone when you feel they have done a good job. I still have fond memories of seeing her gush over the attentiveness of a waiter or complementing a saleslady on her sparkly eyeshadow. You could see on the receiver’s faces how they simply lit up when they received this elixir of praise. It was palpable.
Customer Service Roles – The Harshest Teacher of All! In my own experiences as a young person, working my way through university in a variety of customer service roles, I had many more people complaining or being verbally abusive than those saying thank you or showing appreciation. There were even times when some customers wouldn’t even afford you eye contact in their interactions. I did understand there could be a variety of reasons for this such as having a bad day or social anxiety, not simply bad manners. However, in the rare event where you do receive a compliment, it made a huge difference. You felt seen, appreciated, brighter, and more confident. It warmed the soul and lit a spark.
Educational Perspective When I decided to become a Psychology lecturer, through my teacher qualification training, I learned important educational framework strategies to maximise learner potential. It was clear that for students to learn more effectively it is just as important for them to understand their strengths and gain rewards for progress, as it was to understand weaknesses and areas for improvement. One simple example of this is a famous sandwich effect. This model suggests in order to deliver a piece of information regarding developmental points, that you can sandwich this between positive statements of praise and recognition. This allows the receiver to be more open to hearing the improvements as opposed to having a strong emotional reaction to what they may perceive as criticism and therefore may not take on the information effectively.
From a motivational standpoint, this makes sense. If a person feels the only feedback they receive is negative and critical, than they can understandably begin to believe that they are not good enough or appreciated.
Professional Understandings As a Psychologist, I deepened my understanding of the theoretical basis and research evidence behind praise and recognition. For example, there is a plentiful evidence base for positive reinforcement in developmental psychology. Although, there has also been recent evidence suggesting the focus be more on effort as opposed to just outcome.
There seems to be a societal underlying assumption that as adults we no longer require praise and recognition and that looking for it, or needing it, shows weakness. However, a counterargument to this would be to consider the work of Gary Chapman, author of the five love languages, who identifies that one of the adult love languages is in fact ‘words of affirmation’. This means there are a large proportion of adults out there who thrive when they receive words of affirmation as a form of demonstrating care and appreciation.
Benefits in Business Learning to show more praise and recognition in the workplace specifically is not only about having a kinder approach and creating a nicer environment, but it also makes good business sense. Many studies, including some from the Institute of Leadership and Management, demonstrate that what motivates and improves worker productivity most is not pay and bonuses; it is better treatment from their employer, more praise and a greater sense of being valued.
Very simply, if someone is told what they are doing well, then research tells us they are much more likely to repeat that behaviour. However, it is important to bear in mind that poorly judged praise can also do more harm than good.
The Problem with Praise On the flip side, is it possible that praise could also be problematic? Perhaps we do not in fact forget or overlook praise, but we believe that there may be costs or harmful effects from it.
If praise is solely centred around unrealistically high standards, for example, then this can create a form of conditional acceptance or comparison against others and a sense of needing to compete.
A question to also consider is how this transpires in the workplace when certain employees are praised more than others? For example, if a small section of people are regularly recognised as employee of the month yet certain others never seem to win that recognition. Jealousy and envy are likely to ensue, it is not always motivational.
Praising for praise sake is never helpful either, as people can pick up on this as disingenuous and therefore the praise loses its meaning and does not have the desired effect. Praise on ‘easy tasks’ can also potentially lead to low expectations.
So Where Does this Leave Us? Even though there are some potential risks with praise and recognition I would suggest that the benefits tend to outweigh the costs.
Offering praise and recognition can be a powerful tool when used appropriately. But when done badly can have the polar opposite effect.
To assist with this balance, I have listed some of my top tips below on how to start engaging in a culture that promotes the use of praise and recognition in a beneficial way, which can be applied in any area of life at any level.
These tips are not specific to the workplace only, but applicable in your wider personal life too. Think how enriching and connecting it can be to offer more words of affirmation to the people in your life that you care about and the positive affects your words could have on them.
Top Tips for Motivating Others and
Strengthening Connections Through Praise
Task yourself with giving at least one deserved compliment each day.
Try to focus on the strengths of others and not only on improvements or changes needed.
Engage with basic manners in your interactions by saying please and thank you with everyone.
Make your praise specific in a way which relates to something the person has done, so they know exactly what they have done well.
Remember that everyone deserves praise, especially those who may be struggling. So do not just praise those who are doing well. This praise may actually be the thing that helps build confidence for the person to feel more able to make improvements in areas of weakness.
Ensure that you praise not only in one-to-one settings, but also in team/group situations or communications. This means that you are modelling a commendation culture and the ripple effect may carry this further than you expect.
Try to ensure that praise is not only given in relation to positive outcomes or fully achieving goals, but that you are recognising effort too.
What About Carrots??
As the title of this article suggests, it can be helpful to imagine the metaphorical example of a donkey being motivated to continue moving forward with the use of both the stick as punishment and the carrot as a reward. I want to be clear I am not condoning hitting anyone with sticks. This is, after all, a metaphor.
This is a reminder that motivation by punishment and criticism alone does not tend to be effective, as it often wears the receiver down or can result in rebellion. Likewise, using solely carrots of reward may be counter-productive, as it may cause complacency and does not help the receiver to recognise areas for growth and improvement. It is my hope that the tips and contents in this article can help you to gain more awareness of the importance of this and improve your own use of this potentially powerful tool.
Dr Clare Stone, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr Clare Stone is a specialist in life-purpose, performance and transformational coaching. Her strong belief is that we can use psychological knowledge to help others to truly flourish and live a life filled with purpose, meaning and contentment. She created the social media platform ‘Elevate Psychology’, with the mission of spreading the message of Positive Psychology to a wider audience. Dr Stone is fully committed to helping others to reach their fullest potential through self-development, lifelong growth and a sense of accomplishment.
Dr Clare Stone began her career as a Counselling Psychologist, and now runs her own successful and busy Psychology business called Dr Stone Elevate. She specialises in transformational coaching and trauma therapy. Dr Stone prides herself on providing the highest quality mental health care, using holistic and customised evidencae-based psychological interventions. Dr Stone has a passion for helping her clients to realise, achieve and even surpass their identified goals. She was also a Professional Development tutor and occasional Lecturer on the Doctorate for Counselling Psychology at Glasgow Caledonian University.
