Written by: Sheila Starr, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
This is what my school report said, and it has had a lasting effect on most of my life. What does it mean, though?
Does well – that’s good, isn’t it?
Could do better – that doesn’t sound so good, but what does better look like?
There was never any detail behind that comment, no advice or actions to help me move towards being better. I was just left with a feeling of inadequacy.
No matter how well I have done in my life and career, I have had an underlying feeling that it’s not enough, that I could do better.
Don’t get me wrong; I believe that we can always do better, aim high, have stretching targets, and live our best lives. However, how do you ever feel happy, fulfilled, and satisfied if you can always do better if you always feel slightly inadequate?
We all set standards in our lives and live our best life. We need to have high standards. Most of us lead nice, comfortable, safe lives, but how many of us feel really happy and fulfilled? Not many. That is because our standards are not high enough.
To live a great life, you need to set higher standards but no so high that they are unattainable. It’s a real balance, and it’s not easy.
I have always set quite high standards but ones that can be achieved. I like to aim for things that take me outside my comfort zone but not into the terrifying territory. Being terrified just makes me freeze and not get anywhere, but being uncomfortable gets me excited and pushes me to try new things and become more accomplished.
Comfort zones are different for everyone, so you need to find the edge of yours and decide when and where you will dive in and move into your zone of discomfort, your stretch zone.
Once you have your standards and achieved your goals, it's vital that you recognize your success. Be proud of yourself, pat yourself on the back, share it with your friends and family. Celebrating your achievements will help you feel happy and fulfilled. If you have met your own standards, you shouldn’t feel that you could have done better. You won’t feel inadequate but satisfied.
Your standards will change as you go through life. Make sure you keep them high so that you live your best life and celebrate successes, so you feel happy.
It has taken me years to realize that “could do better” without any objectives is just an opinion, somebody else’s opinion. It is only my opinion that matters and I have recently decided that I am good enough.
I have set my own standards. I am not a perfectionist; I believe that the effort it takes to make something perfect outweighs the result. It just has to be good enough to do the job and meet my standards.
I am good enough, and “does well” is good enough for me. This new belief has enabled me to recognize that I have actually achieved a lot. It has freed me from that feeling of inadequacy and has allowed me to be happy. I now feel fulfilled with my life, do you?
Let me help you, email me at sheila@sheilastarrcoaching.co.uk.
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Sheila Starr, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sheila Starr is a confidence coach inspiring women to live their best lives. After over thirty years working in the corporate world, she now uses all of her skills, knowledge, and experience to empower women to be more confident and believe in themselves. Sheila left school at 16 and worked her way up to Senior Leadership positions. She has worked in some male-dominated environments and developed excellent leadership skills. Sheila has also had an adventure in her life, taking 5 career breaks to fulfill lifelong dreams from grape-picking in France, following the Formula 1 season around Europe, and writing two novels. Sheila has coped with her husband's sudden, life-changing disability and his failing health over the years and firmly encourages people not to put off living their dreams but to live them now.
