Written by: Tamar Medford, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I want to start by saying that relapse is NOT a part of my story… yet. I use the word "yet" because I am aware that if I forget what it was like back then and decide it could be different this time around, it would very well mean destroying what I have worked so hard for.
I have heard many people share that relapse is part of the recovery journey, but does it have to be?
When I got sober, the first order of business was to clean up the mess I had created and build a foundation for a better life. The steps I took looked something like this:
Recognizing I had a problem and identifying my toxic behaviors, beliefs, and patterns so I would not keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. (This also helped to solidify the idea that for me, drinking was not an option, at least not one that ended with positive consequences.)
I built a support network that included a fellowship of women and god. (In that first six months, I called it my higher power as I still had a bit of a beef with god that I had to sort out!)
Identified my resentments, harms done, and fears. I gained self-awareness and saw the part I played in creating the chaos. (Most came down to my fears of being alone, abandoned, and also my expectations of others. This exercise did not feel all that good when I first completed it, but it was worth it!)
Next came the clean-up. I had to own it! I also had to learn to drop my protective mechanisms or character defects as they call them in recovery.
Then I learned how to create a more spiritual way of life. I accomplished this by adding prayer and meditation to my daily practice.
Lastly, I learned that by helping others, I could strengthen my recovery by passing on what was shared with me.
I have continued to work through these steps to gain more self-awareness, and maintain my sobriety. I am aware that if I forget what it was like and believe I could do things differently this time around, it could lead to a very alternate reality. Relapse is a reality that I would rather not put myself through if I can help it.
I have witnessed many people over the last decade, lose their battle with addiction. The longer you stick around, the more of this you experience, unfortunately. I also know many people who have not relapsed, and for most of these people, they have found a purpose greater than themselves and live that out today.
From my own experience and watching others in sobriety, this is how the story often goes.
We do the work and enjoy the benefits that recovery has brought us. We are full of gratitude, and life is much better than it once was.
The better life gets, the busier we find ourselves. We start to prioritize other things and slowly stop doing what got us and kept us sober in the first place.
The stress of daily life starts to affect our emotional well-being. Instead of leaning into our recovery, we turn to our old habits to suppress our emotions. (I turned to food!)
When things get tough, those of us who have a support system in place and have learned to lean into that support usually get back on track and get back down to the basics again. Others find themselves picking up a drink and saying, “I will only have one.”
I have seen the opposite happen as well. People distance themselves from what got them clean and sober, create an amazing life, and pick up again. They convince themselves that this time they will be able to manage their consumption because they are in a much better place.
In my journey, I started to slip into complacency around the six-year mark. I felt like I was settling for a life that society said I should be happy with. But yet, I was not truly happy. I was grateful, yes, but not living a life where I felt fulfilled. I experienced that complacency that could have taken me out but instead, I started down a path of self-discovery. I felt that I was meant for more but had no idea what that was or how to find it.
I was told in early sobriety that if I took half of the amount of energy that I put into getting loaded and put that into my recovery, I could create a good life. So what if we could harness all of that energy? What if we realized that we are capable of so much more than we think? What if instead of being another statistic, that we realized the universe has a greater plan for us?
I stand behind the belief that discovering my purpose and finding a way to live that out has lessened the chances of relapse in my recovery. It has given me a reason to live and a reason to wake up in the morning. In less than one year from finding my purpose, I have accomplished things I never thought possible. I started my business, published two books, and left my corporate job to pursue my dream of helping others discover their purpose.
I have created a life so good for myself that today there is not one part of me that wants to risk destroying that and going back to my old way of living. I have done this by finding my purpose, overcoming my limiting beliefs, changing my mindset, and developing emotional awareness. I have discovered that my relapse prevention is helping others to do the same as I have done. I want to help people create a life so good for themselves where relapse is not a part of their recovery story.
Learn to take that next step here: https://www.theroadforward.ca/theneurochangejourney
Change your brain so you can change your story and enhance your recovery.
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Tamar Medford, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Tamar Medford is a National Director with Life In Balance Careers, Founder of The Road Forward and host of The Road Beyond Recovery Podcast. Since overcoming a 20-year battle with drugs and alcohol, she has dedicated her life to helping entrepreneurs in recovery master their minds so they can grow their businesses and lead authentically fulfilling lives. Tamar is a Neuro Change Master Practitioner, Performance Consultant and Life Coach and uses evidence-based frameworks to help her clients live purpose-driven lives. She is the author of two Amazon bestselling books, Hope Elevated and Beyond Recovery. Tamar has almost a decade of experience helping individuals in recovery, and she desires to bring more awareness to addiction, recovery, and mental health. Her mission is to help those in recovery create a life so good for themselves that they never want to go back to their old way of living.
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