Kim Constantineau is a strategic life coach and leader specializing in helping beauty professionals and entrepreneurs. A tragic childhood left her in a victim mentality for too long. However, becoming a business owner was a turning point that led her towards growth and change
Trusting loved ones 100% might seem like the right thing to do, but it can actually set you up for emotional distress when expectations aren't met. This article explores why you should reconsider trusting people fully and introduces the "80/20 rule," a mindset shift that allows you to manage your expectations and protect yourself from unnecessary emotional pain. By trusting others up to 80% and accepting the possibility of human flaws in the remaining 20%, you'll find more peace, resilience, and emotional freedom in your relationships.
Here's why I want you to trust them less
When you trust someone 100%, you expect them to behave in a certain way all the time. And if they don't do that, you get hurt.
This happens because having this level of trust in someone gives you a sense of comfort, safety, and reliability, which are all universal feelings.
That's why you expect so much from these types of reliable people in your life. You expect them to act in a certain way, do certain things, and provide emotional support.
When they behave as per your expectations, you feel satisfied in your life. When they act in completely surprising ways, those unmet expectations often lead to a full range of negative emotions such as disappointment, annoyance, bitterness, anger, fear, envy, and insecurities.
Research says our brain doesn't respond well to behavioral and emotional surprises. That's why you feel those negative emotions when your expectations are not met.
Look at your daily routine, for example.
You wake up, brush your teeth, take a shower, and make coffee or tea. These actions are imprinted in your brain for so long that your brain performs them on autopilot most of the time.
But then one day, after you wake up, if you find there's no hot water for your shower or your toothbrush is missing, it disrupts your well-set routine. This unexpected surprise triggers those negative emotions of annoyance and disappointment...
While your brain may not like these kinds of surprises, it allows you to adjust your expectations and rewire your mental models to align them with your reality.
That's what I teach you in my “A Complete Emotional Breakthrough” course.
A simple technique I call the '80/20 rule
As per this rule, you are allowed to trust someone only up to 80%. And not trust them at all for 20%. This is because it’s too much to have 100% expectations of someone.
That’s almost impossible and kinda wrong too. Because we all are humans and we all make mistakes. If you have 100% expectations of people, you get hurt 100%, guaranteed.
So the easiest solution here is to lower your bar of expectations to 80%. Yes, just 20% less.
Allow people to hurt you 20%, and guess what happens. It won't hurt you.
It doesn’t hurt you because you already expected that from the 20%. So it's not a surprise for you anymore like, "Oh my god, I can't believe you did that!"
When you expect it in advance, it doesn't hurt. Try this today. It’s easy.
I do that all the time… Suppose, if somebody makes a snarky comment at my expense, I don't get mad anymore. I just say to myself, “It's a cheap shot, it's not nice. But it's okay. That's his humanness. It doesn't hurt me anymore. Because I know who I am. And I hold my image”.
People can say all kinds of negative things about you and believe them as their truth. But you don't have to accept those beliefs as your truth. You don't have to take them personally.
Always remember: Hurt people hurt people, and damage people damage people
Understand what I mean?
Toxic people breed more toxic people. You don't want to join them.
That's why I want you to acknowledge and accept other people's flaws and give them some space for making mistakes for 20%.
That's the best thing you can do to set yourself free from the trap of high expectations and the emotional distress they cause.
Just remember this simple “80/20” rule and stop taking things personally.
Imprint this rule in your brain: "When they hurt me. It's ok. They are being human. What they say about me is not my truth. I know who I am. I hold my image"
Say this every morning and every night till it gets wired in your brain. It only takes 66 days to imprint a new pattern in your brain.
Right now, your old pattern says, "People must be 100% trustworthy". But now you know that's not true.
Even if you believe people should "behave or be a certain way", it's best to release these expectations altogether.
Because when you set such high expectations, you are setting up yourself for disappointments. And when you stop expecting others to be who they're not, you feel at peace and in control of your emotions.
Remember that just because they made mistakes and hurt you in the heat of the moment doesn't mean they love you any less. Right?
We are all humans. Nobody is perfect. That's life.
So get this old pattern out of your brain now and install this new pattern in. You will never get hurt ever again.
This simple shift in your mindset will save you from a lot of emotional pain. Believe me. I see my clients experiencing these kinds of emotional shifts every day.
If you want to learn more about this course, book your free consultation now.
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Kimberly Constantineau, Strategic Life Coach & Beauty Professional
Kim Constantineau is a strategic life coach and leader specializing in helping beauty professionals and entrepreneurs. A tragic childhood left her in a victim mentality for too long. However, becoming a business owner was a turning point that led her towards growth and change. She joined the John Maxwell Group to expand her leadership skills and became proficient in Disc assessment training and communication to manage people with a servant's heart. Her goal is to help others unleash their true potential and discover their passion and superhero powers. Kim's mission is to transform people's thinking and lives forever.
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