Written by: Marnix Pauwels, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
‘Every coach should have a coach.’
You know that one?
It’s a big one in the world of coaching, where ‘shoulds’ are mostly frowned upon, except when it comes to hiring your own expert.
That seems to be an absolute must.
The argument for having a coach, as a coach, is generally something like ‘Why would anybody hire you as a coach if you obviously don’t believe in having a coach yourself?’
Wow.
Sounds about okay, right?
When you first hear it.
But it’s actually a really, really stupid reason.
Like: really.
It doesn’t make sense at all.
In trying to make this wobbly argument stick, you often hear things like ‘Well, if a doctor is really sick, they’d consult with another doctor, or wouldn't they?!’
Well, maybe.
Probably not so much when the doctor we’re talking about, the sick one, is on her own in the jungle of Borneo, dealing with a snakebite.
In other circumstances: sure, maybe.
But it’s still a stupid reason.
If you want to hire a bookkeeper, would you expect them to have their personal administration handled by an external professional?
If you’re thinking about getting a Personal Trainer to help get your lazy-ass body back in shape, would you dismiss them if it turns out they don’t have their own PT?
Would you demand that the bicycle repairman with a flat tire on his bike visits another bicycle repairman to get it fixed?
Of course not.
You know what?
This smells like fear to me.
Like a lack of confidence.
Like you don’t really believe in what you do.
Proving the value of something you offer by using it yourself sounds reasonable, but it’s really not.
Why would you NEED a coach if you are one?
That’s one.
And two: to me coaching is about getting rid of your blind spots, liberating your natural awesomeness, and finding a deep sense that you already have everything you need and you’re good to go.
And then you go.
Bye, bye coach, thanks so much, until we meet again!
THAT, to me, sounds logical.
Don’t get me wrong: I’ve been coached and I loved it.
I’ve had a few really good and powerful coaches in my life, and that was very helpful and insightful, but somewhere along the line I always get bored.
After a while I just know I can do it by myself, all of it, because that’s what really good coaches help you realize.
It doesn’t seem to me that a coaching relationship is about keeping the coaching relationship intact, forever.
If you’ve learned what there is to learn, if you’ve seen, really deeply seen, what there is to see, you can get on with your life and have cool adventures.
And you'll keep learning anyway.
Solo.
Or not solo.
Of course, it can be absolutely life-changing to have a coach, but only if you’re up for it, only if there’s something you need to learn or see or get rid of, only if you’re unhappy or unfulfilled or simply don’t see what you don’t see.
But not to prove your worth.
That’s just stupid.
Marnix Pauwels, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Marnix Pauwels is a Dutch transformative coach and author of eight books -mostly- about mental health, living in Amsterdam with two cats. He has worked in advertising as a copywriter and Creative Director for 30 years, is a singer/songwriter, and has extensive knowledge of addiction/compulsive behavior, depression, and anxiety, deepened by personal experience. Marnix has always been fascinated by what drives people, and more in particular, what drives them crazy. He’s read over 5.000 books on self-development/improvement, life-hacks, and spirituality viewed thousands of videos on the topics, and kept on exploring the depths of the human mind and how to navigate our psychological storms with grace and respect. As a transformative coach, Marnix has helped thousands of people find a more playful, exciting, creative, and liberated life, living from a clear mind and a deep trust in their personal resilience. Marnix is a curious world traveler who loves to meet new people, write, wonder, and keep fit and happy.
