Colleen Walsh Jednak is an expert in happiness, holistic health, and creating blueprints for a balanced life. She is the founder of Strong Mamas, LLC.
Sometimes, life can leave you feeling very broken indeed as you sit alone in the darkness. You know that your inner fire and the sun will return, but you also look at the broken pieces of your heart and think, "What a mess!" Then, unexpectedly, a light shines from a caring soul, and you remember or learn for the first time that you have been blessed with an extraordinary life.
Grief: noun. The state of being that encompasses all your cells and thoughts. It can pop through at any moment for no reason. You can be happy and want to share the happiness with the person whom you grieve and then be sad. You can be sad, and grief sends a left hook, making you more sad because the person who could make you laugh is not there, so now you have a flat tire (or whatever the crisis of the moment is), and that person you love is still not there. Sometimes, you can carry grief with grace and dignity. Sometimes, it is like cleaning up shards of glass with your bare hands. The sun rises again, and you keep going.
Grief is one of the hardest things. Grief that makes brushing your teeth exhausting. Grief that does not let you sleep so that you can never rest. Grief is the equivalent of a ton of granite on your chest, pulling behind you everywhere you turn. Only time and engaging in life with people you love can help. I know you will learn to fly again.
Life truly is a journey. Sometimes, the views are unbelievably gorgeous. Sometimes, something so terrible happens that you need to close the road for a while. Buffering until you can go forward. And then, slowly, with orange cones and flashing lights, you move slowly onward again. Your confidence returns, although you note that you are a bit more guarded after what you have seen and felt. The Life Journey will appear normal. You hit an unseen pothole and burst into sobs. But you are ok. That was grief poking back through. And smooth pavement lies ahead. Grief is not a place to stay. It is the price of love, and many people would pay that toll any day. Moving forward is how we mend those potholes. You will rise and shine again.
We often think or say, “When this is over,” or “If I can just get through,” but the truth is that there will always be a challenge, an obstacle, and grief. Always. So, give up? No. On the contrary. Love the heck out of every day, everyone around you. See the beauty. Be kind. You may have challenges and heart-shattering loss, but you can still laugh, love, and hope and make every day a little better by having been there.
As a life coach and a happiness coach, I am often asked how does one return to joy or even to normalcy from grief. Some people feel guilty laughing again or pursuing activities that they enjoy when they think they should be grieving.
9 steps to reclaim your glitter after grief
Give yourself time to heal first. It is normal and often necessary to take a period (days or even weeks, depending) to step away from responsibilities and social gatherings to be quiet. Cry. Write. Curl up in a ball. But set a timer on this. This is not a place to stay.
As the time approaches for you to return to your regular life and schedule, set small goals. Eat three healthy meals. Wear clothes that are comfortable and make you feel put together. Brush your teeth.
Begin to surround yourself with the people who bring out the best in your life. Make at least one social plan per week to spend time in person or virtually with a friend or a family member who knows you well.
Here is an important piece: find a mission that will draw you out of your grief. For myself, when my youngest brother died unexpectedly, I got involved with a charity that supported research that helped others with Traumatic Brain Injuries. This truly empowered me to move forward. Each situation is unique, but there is surely a cause out there that needs your particular abilities.
Write your feelings down. Acknowledge the pain, but also write that you know you will be ok. Reminding yourself about your future recovery can be extremely helpful. What you believe will happen is far more likely to occur.
Accept that it is ok to laugh again. When you smile or laugh authentically, you are also helping others. You are not disrespecting whomever you lost by experiencing happiness. There is an exceptionally good chance that your loved one would want you to live your best life and keep going.
There will be times when you need to “perform” at work or at a social occasion when you are carrying grief. Imagine putting the grief temporarily into your pocket and sealing it up for long enough to do what must be done. You are not denying your feelings, just putting them aside for the moment while you need to fulfill your responsibilities. The grief will still be there when you are home and have a moment to unpack it again. Keep practicing self-care, and these occasions will eventually become fewer and further between.
Imagine feeling happy again. Imagine being filled with joy. Know that this will be real for you. Your inner glitter will return.
Grief is tricky. You can have a lovely day and suddenly start to cry. You can cry and unexpectedly start to laugh. The point is it is all ok. You are ok. You are perfect and beautiful as you are and deserve amazing things now and in the future. You are wonderful, even in the middle of an ugly cry.
You can do hard things, even when you do not want to. You are stronger than you know. The best way to get through grief is to march right through. You will laugh again, and the grief will become easier to carry.
Read more from Colleen Walsh Jednak
Colleen Walsh Jednak, Life Coach, Happiness Coach, Writer/Speaker, Lifestyle Coach
Colleen Walsh Jednak is an expert in happiness, holistic health, and creating blueprints for a balanced life. She is the founder of Strong Mamas, LLC and has been helping mothers of all ages decrease their feelings of stress while improving their physical and emotional health. Her mission is Health, Hope, and Happiness.
