Written by: Marcella Friel, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Most of us, when we think of trauma, think of cataclysmic, “Capital-T” traumas, such as combat or physical assault. But “small-t” traumas show up all the time in everyday life. Trauma can be a look someone gives you. A casual remark they toss out. A stressful experience that continues to haunt you.
Something you read or see in the media that causes you to freeze in shock, despair, or outrage.
So if, for example, your mother put you on a diet when you were 12 years old, even though you weren’t fat …
Or if you crash-dieted to look great in that dress just in time for your niece’s wedding, then gained all the weight back right afterward …
Or if you’ve ever spent tons of bucks on gym memberships and meal-replacement bars, thinking, “This is gonna do it!” …
Or if you just watched a social commentator lampoon large-size women and felt an irresistible urge to smash your fist through the screen… or just numb out and face-plant in a bag of chips…
Chances are, you’ve got diet trauma.
By this I mean …
You had a big vision to lose weight and reclaim your health. Yet, despite your high hopes and diligent efforts, things didn’t work out.
And now, even though you still want to find the body size that feels comfortable and congruent for you, the whole subject of weight loss brings up immense ambivalence and trepidation.
You don’t want to step up to the plate and try again, lest you endure yet another crashing failure.
So you procrastinate, you quit halfway, or you sabotage yourself just as you’re about to break through.
You mean-talk yourself about how stupid you were ever to try in the first place.
You trust yourself less, you trust the Universe less, and you feel condemned to a life of aching knees and hips, nasty stares, harangues from your doctor, and so on.
Sometimes diet trauma comes through the generational line. If you grew up watching your mother or grandmother obsess over every pound she gained or lost, you might feel limited around how much success you’re allowed to have in this area of your life.
The Good News About Diet Trauma
For as horrific as diet trauma can be, here’s something I know for sure based on the work I’ve done with thousands of women just like you:
Trauma is a catalyst of evolution.
The real harm in trauma is less about what happened to us—or even what we did to ourselves—but rather the conclusions we draw, the decisions we make, and the beliefs we adopt in response to our experiences.
In other words, it’s less about your history of diet failure than what you’ve made that failure mean about you, about other people, and about the world.
When you really get this, you realize that the power to heal is right in your hands, because anything that you’ve decided you can un-decide and re-decide.
With the right tools and support, you can leverage your weight-loss woes into stepping stones of forgiveness, acceptance, breakthrough, and success.
Here’s how.
Go Deeper Than Dieting
As I’m sure you know by now, the key to healing diet trauma lies not in swapping one diet for another, nor in reaching that ideal number on the scale.
The true, abiding healing lies in going deeper than dieting altogether to dowse the wreckage of that trauma and, from it unearth a generative perspective that catapults your journey forward.
The best tool I know for doing just this is Emotional Freedom Techniques (a.k.a. EFT, or “Tapping”), a simple trauma-resolution tool that takes minutes to learn and is remarkably effective for resolving just about anything in the human experience that causes distress.
EFT can work wonders when done with a skilled practitioner. It’s also something you can do on your own, with great results.
In fact, let’s do a little exercise right now.
Grab a journal or notepad if you want, and feel free to write as much as you like.
I invite you to take a moment of pause, place one or both hands on your heart, and take three deep, conscious breaths.
When you’re ready, reflect back and perhaps write a bit about your history of struggle with dieting and weight loss.
Is there an experience that most stands out for you? If so, what happened that it didn’t work out?
When that feels complete, project yourself into the vision of healing you hold for yourself. See yourself feeling happy and comfortable in your body, genuinely appreciating the woman looking back at you in the mirror.
Imagine doing the things that you want to do when you drop the weight: getting back on horses, rolling around on the floor with your kids, mastering that yoga headstand.
Then, say aloud to yourself, “I’ve failed so many times in the past, of course I expect to fail again!”
How true does that statement feel to you on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the strongest?
If it feels stronger than a 5, watch and tap along with this video from one of my online courses, where I guide women like you in using EFT to vanquish this expectation. (Because after all, what we expect is what we get.)
After you’re done Tapping, revisit that statement: “I’ve failed so many times in the past, of course I expect to fail again!”
How true does it feel now? Were there any insights or aha’s that bubbled up for you during the Tapping?
(If this exercise has opened up a Pandora’s Box of difficult feelings, feel free to reach out for support. I’m here for you!)
To go deeper using the Tapping, you can ask yourself, “What’s still left? What makes this not a zero?” Keep following the breadcrumb trail doing successive rounds of Tapping until that expectation feels completely neutralized.
Keep Choosing
Have you ever looked back on an earlier misfortune and thought, “Wow, if that terrible thing hadn’t happened, this amazing thing wouldn’t have happened”?
This is what awaits you when you summon the courage to heal your diet trauma. Within the pain, there are gifts, blessings, and lessons that will guide you to the miracle of healing you desire, where the impossible becomes possible.
While you might look back and bemoan the mistaken choices you made, the choosing itself was never a mistake at all.
You were doing the best you could at that time to choose life. To choose health. To feel good in your body.
So keep choosing. Keep refining your choices as you learn and grow.
Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, what you choose will inevitably, delightfully choose you.
Marcella Friel, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine MARCELLA FRIEL is a mindful eating mentor who helps health-conscious women love and forgive themselves, their food, and their figure. Marcella is author of "Tap, Taste, Heal: Use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to Eat Joyfully and Love Your Body." In 2018 Marcella founded the Women, Food & Forgiveness Academy, an online transformational mentorship program to help health-conscious women heal the emotional and metabolic roots of yo-yo dieting, binge eating, sugar addiction, and chronic body shaming. Marcella draws on nearly 3 decades of 12-step recovery and 35 years’ practice of Tibetan Buddhism to help women heal the self-hatred traumas that lie at the very root of their nervous system. She passionately holds an unflinching faith in trauma as the catalyst of evolution and guides others in dowsing their life experiences to find the gold amidst the dross. Learn more about Marcella by visiting marcellafriel.com
