Written by: Preeti Mistry, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Rejection. It’s an ugly word. When I personally would hear the word, I used to envision hearing a “wrong buzzer” sound effect with something being dumped or ejected into a trash bin. Not that big of a deal when picturing an object, but when we feel rejected, it feels completely different. Now not everyone may have the same vision when thinking about rejection, but it is probably safe to say that many can identify with the sinking, dejected feeling that comes viscerally when it happens, whether it’s being fired from a job or being rejected by a romantic partner.
The problem, however, with this fear of rejection is that we may sometimes be attaching the incident to our actual self-worth. We absorb the feeling so personally, that we unconsciously or consciously allow it to define who we are and our values. However, this is far from the truth.
So what do we need to realize and what needs to change?
The first perspective shift that needs to occur happens when you take the focus off of yourself. Stop deeply internalizing the rejection. Although many of us may have experienced some form of rejection in life, we may have also been on the other side of the equation where we had to turn someone down. And if you can remember clearly, being the person to have to deliver the bad news is not fun either. So, when you had to end something in the past, why did you do it? It’s because we all have the right to have preferences and choose what we feel will be a good match. When you go to the supermarket to buy cereal, for example, you are just choosing what you prefer. And everyone’s preferences are different. Different cereals will appeal to different people. In other words, it is just the way life works in a grand scheme, especially when it comes to dating. It’s bound to happen at some point.
So once the focus is off the self, the second perspective shift we need to see is that rejection is just a mismatch of energy and values, not a statement of your worth. Somewhere your values did not align with the other person’s values, which may have led one of you to behave in a way that clashed with the other’s ideal. Or perhaps one of you feels that you are not “vibing” with the other anymore, which is a reflection of incongruence in energy. The two of you may have started on a similar energy frequency, which partly brought you both together, but something shifted down the line in the vibration so much so that it now has pulled the two of you apart.
The third perspective shift occurs when we remind ourselves who we truly are. Rejection hurts because it’s your Ego that is interpreting the event as an indication that “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not worthy.” But in reality, you are not your Ego. You are not your mind, body, thoughts, emotions, or beliefs. At the deepest core, you have the soul or spirit, which is pure Consciousness that is One with Universal Consciousness. That aspect of who you truly are can never be rejected. It does not need to be externally validated because it knows of its own true nature and abundance.
And finally, once we are able to remind ourselves of who we truly are and bask in its beautiful essence (practices such as meditation can help with this), we realize our connection to the Universe and understand that rejection is really redirection. In other words, it is the Universe’s way of rerouting you to what is truly meant for you. Sometimes we get so caught up in the current situation that we try to hold on to what was because of our attachment to it.
But it is important to realize that the reason something didn’t work out could just be a stepping stone to something more fulfilling. Personally, I am training my mind to remove the word “rejection” from my vocabulary and replace it with “redirection” because as I navigate through life, it will allow me to focus on the new door to be opened if one happens to close. Redirection keeps you in flow with life.
Final Words
The Ego which dwells in all of us likes to make everything about us. It tries to derive its validation externally and forms an illusion that blocks us from noticing our higher self or who we truly are. And it’s because of this we are tricked into believing we are our thoughts and beliefs come from outside experiences. It is the reason we feel compelled to concoct some sort of meaning from the experience of rejection or some other negative event and package it into some sort of limited definition of who we are. Remember especially in the world of dating and relationships, to come across “yes’s” and “no’s” is part of the process. We are more resilient than we think, so although something may feel bad in the beginning, we will get through it as we remind ourselves that we are simply being redirected to something better. Trust the process.
As a life coach that focuses on dating, relationships, and mindset, I love helping clients who feel stuck when it comes to finding love see through a new lens so that they can bring out their best selves and propel themselves forward in creating the life they desire. If you would like to connect with me, follow me on Instagram and DM me to connect.
Want to learn more from Preeti? Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin or visit her website.
Preeti Mistry, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Preeti Mistry is a Jay Shetty Certified Coach who focuses on single, young professionals and entrepreneurs who want to be in a healthy, meaningful, and lasting relationship. Through her 1:1 coaching service, she helps them uncover and overcome their hidden inner resistance to finding love so that they feel empowered to put their best self forward and can dare to create the love life they desire. Her chosen niche as a relationship mindset transformation coach was inspired by her own struggles in this area and by noticing that this was a common problem that plagued many she knew as well. After her own transformational journey of overcoming limiting beliefs and aligning better with her true authentic self, Preeti is on a mission to help and empower those that truly want to be in a relationship to break out of a rut, and unleash their best self in love. Preeti has had the opportunity and privilege of participating on a panel hosted by the American India Foundation SF as a relationship mindset transformation coach with the crew of the Netflix series Indian Matchmaking. She has also appeared as a guest on various podcasts talking about topics related to mindset, dating, relationships, spirituality, and manifestation. In addition, she is the founder of the Relationship Mindset club on Clubhouse which offers tremendous value and is continuing to grow. Preeti is also a general dentist, and loves to paint, travel, dance, and spend time in nature. Preeti’s purpose and vision are to help create a world where we focus more on our possibilities instead of our impossibilities so that we are more in tune with creating a life that is aligned with our deepest desires and can experience the joy and fulfillment we are meant to in this life.
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